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  #1  
Old Jan 25, 2010, 10:40 PM
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KDlady KDlady is offline
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I have never in all my years of therapy and pain felt as lost as I am right now. I feel misplaced – missing, lost and broken. I can still fake my way through the days but it is getting harder. I want to disappear one moment and lash out the next. It scares me because I am hurting the ones I love the most – my reason for being - my purpose. Without them I am alone, nothingness. With me, they become the broken souls – it is a burden too great to bear.
I have thought about leaving but will that break them too? - Just in a different but probably no less painful way- There really is no way out but directly through this pain and misery. I hope I have the strength because right now I very much doubt my ability to get through this and come out the other side. I must prevent the ravaged landscape of my past from becoming my family's. It is what I pray for.
Thanks for this!
AShadow721, Junerain

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  #2  
Old Jan 25, 2010, 10:51 PM
TheByzantine
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(((((((((((( KDlady ))))))))))))) So saddened by this, my friend. Have you told your therapist? When were the meds last reviewed? Please post so we know how you are doing. I will listen if you like.
  #3  
Old Jan 26, 2010, 01:11 PM
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Perna Perna is offline
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Sending you warmth and strength. Hang in there, all things must change.
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  #4  
Old Jan 26, 2010, 04:10 PM
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amante amante is offline
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KDLady,
I'm sorry to read that you are in such an awful painful place right now. I hope things brighten for you soon. I have often felt very broken and damaged. Sending prayers for your wellness and hugs too.
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  #5  
Old Jan 26, 2010, 06:42 PM
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complic8d complic8d is offline
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(((((((((((KDlady))))))))))
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The nightmare I built my own world to escape."
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  #6  
Old Jan 26, 2010, 07:18 PM
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KDlady KDlady is offline
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Hey all - just wanted to update you -
I did call my dr - and found out two meds I am taking - one - anti depressant - one pain med for pinched nerve are not to be taken together - cause seizures and all sorts of other icky stuff - so I stopped one and changed the other. While I am still a little shaky - I feel like there was a legitimate reason for my extra craziness (like anyone needs one but...) and it gives me some comfort that perhaps I am back to only regular crazy.
Thanks for your comforting words
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  #7  
Old Jan 26, 2010, 09:45 PM
Kircubbin Kircubbin is offline
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You have a poetic way of describing your pain, I sympathise deeply with you, but try and think positive in your artistic nature, some people don't have family, you have, love the as they try to love you
  #8  
Old Jan 27, 2010, 05:27 PM
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amante amante is offline
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So glad to hear that you have a reason and that the meds were interacting badly. Its a good job you found this out and were able to switch meds. hope you are feeling much improved.
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  #9  
Old Jan 27, 2010, 07:52 PM
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Princess Butterfly Princess Butterfly is offline
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well done for phoning your dr
keep going
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  #10  
Old Jan 28, 2010, 03:24 PM
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liljobi liljobi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KDlady View Post
I have never in all my years of therapy and pain felt as lost as I am right now. I feel misplaced – missing, lost and broken. I can still fake my way through the days but it is getting harder. I want to disappear one moment and lash out the next. It scares me because I am hurting the ones I love the most – my reason for being - my purpose. Without them I am alone, nothingness. With me, they become the broken souls – it is a burden too great to bear.
I have thought about leaving but will that break them too? - Just in a different but probably no less painful way- There really is no way out but directly through this pain and misery. I hope I have the strength because right now I very much doubt my ability to get through this and come out the other side. I must prevent the ravaged landscape of my past from becoming my family's. It is what I pray for.
I definitely feel your pain....all you have written seems like you'd been dancing in my head for years. I feel exactly like you do, like I'm hurting not only on the inside, but against anyone who comes in contact with me. I am trying to be as positive as I can, but with each passing day it gets more difficult. My heart goes out to you! Be strong....we will prevail!

Jodi
  #11  
Old Feb 07, 2010, 12:13 AM
thinkinghappy thinkinghappy is offline
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You have explained my life in detail with your words..We will rise above and feel great again..have faith and be strong
  #12  
Old Feb 07, 2010, 10:29 AM
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Secret Secret is offline
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Location: the boonies of Pennsylvania
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The wrong meds can be worse than no meds at all. Thank goodness you called and your doctor recognized the problem. Hope each day brings you closer to where you want to be
  #13  
Old Feb 07, 2010, 02:00 PM
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amante amante is offline
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How are you feeling, better?
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  #14  
Old Feb 10, 2010, 03:33 AM
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AShadow721 AShadow721 is offline
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Don't leave KDLady. Your loved one's need you as much as you need them. Your emotions are the only thing hurting them. Because they just want you to be happy. Sit calm and watch your loved ones live and try not to smile. Just watching my toddler play can hold me together on days I feel as you do.
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"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." -Mother Teresa

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“Mankind must remember that peace is not God's gift to his creatures; peace is our gift to each other.” - Elie Wiesel

“Just as despair can come to one only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings.” - Elie Wiesel

"And even though you're fed up, Huh, ya got to keep your head up, Keep ya head up, oooo child things are gonna get easier, ooooo child things are gonna get brighter" - Keep Ya Head Up by Tupac Shakur
  #15  
Old Feb 12, 2010, 02:53 PM
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lonegael lonegael is offline
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(((((KDlady)))))) So glad your meds were straightenend out. How are you now?
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