[darkpurplesecrets]

Lastnight when the winds were blowing unrelentlessly, fear and terror filled me. The cold from the wind howling through was not as cold as what I was feeling within. It was all I could do to find a way to somehow try to find safety. For not even within was there safety.

As the night went on, we lost power and everything including the lights outside were gone. Looking out my window darkness filled the streets except for the sirens and cars that drove by. The winds howled and the rain hit the screens and it sounded as if I were right outside in it all.

Trying so hard to find someway to feel safety, I found myself feeling like I was swaying and it entangled with the spinning in my head. Those within getting stronger with every minute that passed. And something within was trying to get out. Then it hit me and the flashbacks started, something I could not stop.

Fear filled me and every part of me within. Curling up tight I could find no relief. Hearing those within, the darkness began to come alive once again. For the longest time unable to move and calling out to someone who had no idea we were calling out to them. Time seemed to freeze for a couple of hours and shivers and scenes unraveled before my eyes.

As time went on, the power came back on and I found written the words that have never been spoken to anyone. Tears fell and silence once again has gripped me within. It hurts. This morning I find it hard to think. Feeling exhausted yet I cannot lay down. Sometimes I wonder will it ever end?

dps

[Typo]

(((((((darkpurplesecrets)))))))

[WePow]

(((dps))) You made it through the night safely. That is big.
You deserve a reward today! :-)

You are stronger than you realize, dps. Well done.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((typo, WePow, TheByzantine))))

Thank you for the support and for the encouraging words and hugs. Today has been a hard day as for the first time we talked about the memory and Vannessa came forth and we made two very big steps. First, reaching out to our friend and realizing who she was. Second, for me to tell her that I loved her and that she did a good job with what she had to carry all these years.

For the first time she faced a memory as she is one who did not talk or realize it was okay. We also found out just how really hurting she was and how afraid and outcasted she felt. I felt really bad and sad at the same time that she did not know how important she was to our system.

So for the storm and winds lastnight, it made it possible for us to face another good thing to move forward together and one more step to me accepting myself as I am. The journey is still long, but one step shorter now. And together with time we will figure all this out.

Thank you again for your support. Sending gentle hugs to all of you and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Vannessa))))

Just wanted to say thank you for your willingness to look at the hurt and for opening up and for the good job you have done within our system. It took all of us to make it this far. We could not have done it without you. Thank you for pushing so hard to do what we needed to do in order to move forward and try to set up a safety. You are greatly loved by me and all and by our friend. Gentle hugs.

dps

[sabby]

(((((((((((((( dps & VANNESSA )))))))))))))))))

xoxoxo
sabby

I am not sure this is of any comfort, but Friedrich Nietzsche advised that ''What does not kill you makes you stronger''

I sense you are a stronger person now, dps.