I will begin when i am

i will begin when i am
i am no one now
i do not deserve to have survived this long
how is it possible that i have children older than i ever thought i'd live to be?
Dear Father--how many more days, nights, afternoons must i endure
as a nothing
worthless
so many died that day so many with real lives
with joys and families
just begun.
here i sit a nana to two little boys
my children in their thirties
thirties!
too old to have children!!
Oh how that little boy loves to see me on the cam- i smile and he just curls and giggles--
"my mom is the pied piper of kids" she told her husband
what is his future to be?
9/11--dust--no hero-no
robot
i lived.
error
my flesh lived.
when will i be?

Hello, theodora. I suggest today you recognize talking about yourself that way solves nothing. You will be when you choose to be. It likely will take professional help to sort out the distortions and prepare the way for your being. There is no reason you cannot start today to rid yourself of the toxins that so adversely affect your life.

Good luck.