Feeling safe (may trigger, ironically enough)

I can see why some people develop agoraphobia. There are times I just want to curl up in a ball and avoid the world. Never go out of my house again. Don't go online, don't turn on the TV. THIS IS THE PART THAT MAY TRIGGER Even if I am not actively suicidal, sometimes I wish I were dead simply because if I were, "they" couldn't get me any more. No, I don't plan to do anything to make it happen. I merely think sometimes it would be nice if it *did* happen.

OK, the rest of the post should be pretty safe.

I'm active on Facebook, but there are some pages I don't feel safe looking at anymore. It's not so much the pages, it's the members. I belong to one page that even has a rule against posting profanity, clearly stated right there in the "About Me," but it doesn't stop people from saying f-- this and g-- d-- that in their comments, and I just *hate* it. Unfortunately, I think the owner of the page misses a lot of that. I'm all for free speech, but the other person's right to say it conflicts with my right not to be confronted with it. Say it all you want to, as long as I don't have to hear/read it.

In another part of this site, someone said they hate the smell of alcohol on someone's breath, because in the past it always meant Daddy was in a drunken rage again, and abuse was about to happen. For me it's the same way with profanity. People dismiss it and say "oh, they're just words, it's no big deal," but I don't see it that way. Words can be tools, toys, or weapons. I fear them when they are weapons. And too many times, when people think they're using the words as toys, to me they look like weapons.

I do want it known, it's not that any and all use of profanity upsets me. I do it myself. But too much is too much. It's when people toss six or seven f-bombs plus the sh- word and a couple of g-d-grenades in a single sentence, and they're not even angry, it's just the way they talk, I start getting disgusted. And then I worry too, what does this make me? Some kind of fuddy-duddy, like my mother always told me I was? Or at least very uncool, like my siblings and classmates always told me I was?

I want to enjoy the humorous pages without being subjected to the excessive profanity in the comments. What I've taken to doing, is going to that person's profile and blocking them. After that, I can't see their comments, and they can curse all they want to. It doesn't affect me. The trouble with that is, you have to go to the profile page in order to block them, and often when I'm there, I end up bombarded with more profanity. And that's just Facebook. YouTube is a whole other story....

So I feel like *I'm* the one being hemmed in. The answer seems to be, if I can't deal with it or don't like it, don't go here, there, or the next place. But then, that makes it *my* freedom of movement that gets restricted. Whatever happened to decent public behavior, and keeping the indecent stuff behind closed doors where it belongs?

Am I the last person on earth who feels this way?

Hello, LovebirdsFlying. I can do without the language too. I do not think what I think means much to those who use the language. The only suggestion I make is to contact the site administrators and complain.

Have a good day.

I agree it's annoying the way people swear. To bad facebook doesn't have something in place that takes out the word and replace it with spaces/stars like PC does. I have a Facebook account but don't use it and my daughter has one but experienced cyber bullying a couple months ago. She learned how to set her privacy settings and block people. I find the whole concept of Facebook annoying. My daughters in grade 7 and I can't believe the terrible language the kids use now. Is there a 'report a post' feature for Facebook?

^^Yes, you can report Facebook posts for such things as "attacks individual or group" or "spam/advertisement." I don't know what happens once a post is reported, and I don't know if they consider an excess of profanity directed at a person to be an "attack." *I* would, but I'm not sure *they* do. Facebook does make it a point to say they're not going to take down a post just because the reporter disagrees with what the reported says, as if I'd ever report anything just for that.

YouTube has no way to report such posts, and the language there is rampant. Not only is it excessive, but it is used *directly at* people, not merely saying, "oh, ---," but "you ---." Which to me is verbal assault, but there are no guidelines in place and no monitoring. I couldn't state a simple opinion (politely) without getting at least one variation of "f-- you" in return, and I couldn't do anything about it, so I cancelled my account there altogether.

I think a lot of the people who do such things are juveniles, and it makes them feel grown up to use that word when Mommy and Daddy aren't around. I used to, at something like 11 and 12 years old, and there were times as a teenager when I'd cuss even in front of some adults, just because I was old enough to get away with it now. I didn't have any real "reason" to; I was just doing it because I could. I have to remind myself of that sometimes, that kids act that way, but you know something? When I was a teenager, "cussing" meant saying "damn" or "hell." The language that flies nowadays.... wow.

And on the occasions when I do speak up, at least one person is going to say something like, "Well, this is the internet. If you can't handle it, don't log on." As I say, this restricts MY freedom of movement. The ones exhibiting the bad behavior get to do whatever they want, and I'M the one who ends up, effectively, grounded off the internet. Why can't it be that THEY watch their behavior in public, and let everybody including me come out and enjoy socializing? Instead of making those of us who can't deal, hole up in our rooms?

No different in real life nowadays either. Freedom of speech, y'know. It's true, people who use that language don't care if they offend. If it gets to me, it's not (according to them) because *they* are being offensive and impolite, but because *I* have a stick up my butt.

I think I'll just become a hermit. Other people just aren't safe.

I have to "ditto" Lynn P., I don't trust those places at all. It's annoying to have everyone want me to join all the time. So, I just steer clear of Face book and all the rest.

The english language has so many words, it's annoying that most have lowered themselves to just a few words. Either they ne'er learned proper english and used a dictionary; or they are just plain lazy. Sad- there are such great words to use!

How about "fiddlesticks"?---theo

I use a lot of substitute swear words, and the more creative the better. I've gotten laughs by saying "bullfrogs" instead of bull something else.

My respect-o-meter for George Foreman rose to soaring heights once when I read a magazine article he'd written. It was on this very issue, and he said the same thing we're saying. People who curse excessively basically don't know any other words. Then he offered a list of substitutes to say instead. I adopted his practice of saying "God bless America!" as an interjection, as opposed to another word that starts with "God."

A lot of times it can just get plain funny. My brother once said "cheese and rice" in place of the Lord's name. When my oldest daughter spilled her purse and interjected, "oh, Shiite" (a sect of Islam) I thought it was funny. And I heard a country song for the first time today that contained the lyric, "the fit's gonna hit the shan." It cracked me up. "Fiddlesticks" is one possibility as are any number of words starting with an F. "Fruitcake!" "Flubber!" "I don't understand a flipping thing."

Another option, if you're really wound up, is "oooooh, fecal matter!" Not only does this start with an F and contain a k-sound, but it's the medical term for... um.... poop.

If only people would use their heads and get creative with their language, instead of falling back on those worn-out words.

When I am with my close friends, father and aunt - all who have no problem with it, and even partake in it themselves - I will swear excessively. Even as I am talking, I realize that I am going overboard and should slow down; however, it is a hard habit to cut back on. Not to mention, as much as some may disagree with me, it does feel good (or at least for my friends and I) to throw out a pile of swear words. They just roll off the tongue, and it almost feels as if they have activated dopamine. Also remember, I am currently in junior high. As much as almost all adults, and even some kids, wish it weren't true, swearing is just such a part of our environment. It's heard in whispering in the classroom, shouting on the bus, and fights between students. Truly, it is impossible to escape.

That being said, I would never swear outside my friends, peers, and family that have shown they are alright hearing it. Doing otherwise, in my opinion, is absolutely disrespectful. There are multiple people in my life, of all ages, who get offended, disgusted, or upset whenever they come in contact with profanity. They have made this known, and I would never want to cause them discomfort for the sake of me saying or posting words (I use no profanity on Facebook/Myspace/Youtube, etc) that honestly are not needed. Everybody has their own comfort levels with certain things, including - and, at times, especially - swear words. People who cannot or choose not to respect others' wishes on this matter irk me a great deal. If someone is upset by something, I feel it should be their right not to be confronted or bombarded with it.

LovebirdsFlying, you are certainly not the only one who has trouble tolerating excessive profanity. It is absolutely normal, and there is nothing wrong with it. Just as some people are upset or disgusted by heights, carnival rides, certain foods, specific authors, and so much more, you have every right to dislike the use of swear words. In my very honest opinion, it does not make you uncool or a 'fuddy-duddy'. It makes you a person, with loves, dislikes, pet peeves, and comfort zones. I wish I could make it so every person respected that, as they should; however, there are many immature and ignorant individuals who can't see the impact their actions are having on you. My best advice is to try to impress on people your discomfort with excessive swearing. On Facebook, maybe you could send a message to the page's creator requesting he moderate it a bit closer. Other than that, you know you can always come here for support if you feel triggered.

Wishing you the best,
Eri/Erika

It turns out that the moderator of that one page has been away on vacation. I'm happy to report he is back and mopping the place up!

You know when I was a younger teen I'd swear like a sailor with my friends on AIM, now I pretty much don't use any language, and when I do it feels wrong not to bleep it out with at least one asterisk. I think either they will grow out of it or they just truly don't think there is anything wrong with the words and don't understand why anyone else would. Seeing it online it doesn't bother me too much since most of the time I see it I don't see it in excess, but when I hear people swearing loudly it makes me cringe a little. But then again, I have a problem with loud people in general making me anxious so that really is more like the swearing compounds the problem then the root of the problem.

When I couldn't leave my house, I thought I would stay home and 'relax'. They I took to my bed, and then I wanted to get in the closet. Far from restful, it triggered more bizarre behavior. A therapist told me that I was lucky that I got to stay home and rest!

that's happened to me too dee, I sometimes had episodes of weirdness when I'm in my room where I want to hide in my closet or under my desk (or in a corner that's blocked off by stuff)

Aside from my user name, can't stand curse words. Checked out a potential friends family on facebook and every comment, even the dad had a curse word in it. I call them the potty mouth family.

I've been known to utter your user name on a few occasions too. It's cute.

I find foul & violent language not only offensive, but usually abusive. Words used kindly & creatively enhance life. 25 years ago, I declared my home a "No-TV" zone.

I don't mind when people use asterisks, I use them myself sometimes. For me it shows how upset I am, but I know they can trigger and I don't want to trigger anyone. In "real life" I have been known to cuss, but generally only when I'm VERY upset and only around people that I know won't be triggered (they use the language themselves on occassion). Like most of you though, I don't use those words in every day conversations. I loved the band Motley Crue but I still can't watch interviews with them because of Tommy Lee. He can't finish a sentence without at least 2 f-bombs in it.

I also like the creative alternatives...I love the show "Ruby"; she'll say something like "no way in helicopter am I going to do that". LOL. A teacher I had when I was a teenager told us if we wanted to swear in his classroom the only word allowed was "firetruck". My friend used to say "Peter Paul and Mary!" when she was shocked by something.