[Evening]

I ended up telling a friend recently what happened to me when I was growing up, he had known something was up for a while (we studied together last year and I was always showing up half asleep and nearly passing out from not eating), so a few weeks ago he kind of hassled me into telling him. At first it was a bit of a relief to get it out to someone and not have them get angry or frustrated about something. But now every time something's wrong he keeps pressuring me to tell him, and it's actually starting to annoy the hell out of me. I've finally after 30 minutes talking on the net got him to change the subject. He is just trying to help and give me someone to talk to, he knows I am apprehensive about talking (when it first came out a few weeks ago it got pretty dramatic).

What part of IT DOESN'T MATTER is not translatable?

It does matter to you--and he is curious as a cat. He doesn't want to wait till you are ready to disclose the info. Several things I've learned in my time (only lately-took a looong time) 1. use my caller id. 2. "No" is a complete sentence 3. If someone continues to harangue me--I walk away whilst they are in mid sentence--they can talk to themselves- they were anyway- they didn't give me room for input--so I smile and say "bye" whilst they are still talking to themselves and walk away...I do this over the phone and on skype too-"Have a lovely day" end call.

Just tell him you are not ready to impart any further information. ta da--

Sounds like he may really care for you---if he does, he will respect your wishes--tell him so.
A true friendship is based on trust, and respect for one another.

When you sound down, he wants you to tell him about it--as once you did--and you got positive results--no judgements, and he cared, you said...so when you are up to it again, you know you have someone you can talk to. That's great!

However, you do not care to talk about it now. Tell him this Period

If that's a problem for him; then tell him you'll have to pick up your relationship at another time; besides, what is it with him doesn't he like you as you are now? Why must he know all the intimate details of your past???
Is he writing a book?
Or does he just want to get to know who you are right this minute?
How about just talking right now, in this moment--or how about you start prying into his past-"turnabout is fairplay!

Then there's the funnier way to tell him, act like "Ya Know what--I forgot!--I really forgot---I slept upside down on the bed last night and all my memories are gone from that time in my life"--but say it with a totally flat face, like it's really true---

Get into the Humorous aspect of Life---it makes it all easier!!!

Like a Brooklyn girl would do (((((EVENING))))) theo

[Evening]

I think because he knows I haven't always had people to talk to he thinks I should talk, he wants to help. He is a very giving person, when we were studying last year and didn't have money for food he tried to give me money, he handed me $20 and walked off, but I gave it to someone else to give back to him. I really didn't like it.

And he does the whole 'you need to eat meat' thing. If ONE more person says that...

I'm actually getting a little frustrated with him, I keep saying it doesn't matter, I'm fine, I don't want to talk about it... it frustrates him that I don't want to talk about it. Even things that are happening now, I can't give any clue that I'm feeling crappy or he'll question me.

You're a Vegan, aren't you? I thought you were-not sure--if you are doesn't he know it? He should respect that about you.
He should also respect that you do not want to talk about what is upsetting you right now.
This is paramount in any truly good relationship with another person in life.

I HAVE BOUNDARIES__I know you care and mean well--but DO NOT CROSS MY BOUNDARIES---HAVE RESPECT FOR ME, my feelings, and my wishes. I appreciate
your kindness in worrying about me--but you are not RESPECTING MY WISHES..
Please, for the sake of our friendship, respect both me and my wishes!!! (((EVENING)))--Theo

I know i't's hard to do in the beginning-it was very hard for me, but it is necessary--one must assert one's rights in a relationship-boundaries are very important.

[Evening]

I am a vegetarian (not a vegan although some people are adamant that I am because I'm strict with certain things). I'm used to people taking the piss out of me for it, the life of a vego is not always an easy one, but tonight I really just wasn't in the mood for it. He jokes about me not eating enough and not eating properly, I said enough with the food already, I got paid today, I've eaten, I've had blood tests done in the past to prove to others who were hassling me that I was tired from not eating meat and I proved them all wrong because my blood test was completely normal. He got the message after that.
He is the kind of person who makes jokes and is usually funny, but sometimes they need to just stop. I don't think he fully understands. He knows I hate alcohol and marijuana and why, but he keeps joking that I need a drink (he doesn't do weed though). He has apologised for joking about it, but he doesn't understand the concept of triggers, and it's not something I feel comfortable explaining.
Because I'm also really hypervigilant I was really edgy tonight (God I hate hypervigilance), and he said that this is the reason I shouldn't live alone. I made it clear I don't want to, nor can I, live with anyone. Again he didn't quite understand and tried to tell me that not everyone is going to do something.

I guess I'm just in a bad mood today, I found out something from my mummy today that someone in the family had said about me and it bugged me, as soon as I woke up and read her message. Whenever I'm frustrated about something I get really touchy about things so that's probably why he was bugging me so much...

"I found out something from my mummy today that someone in the family had said about me..." Sounds like Post Office to me--you know, someone said something to her, she put her own meaning on it and relayed her meaning to you, and it was negative, and it ruined your day?
What a waste! (((Evening)))-you don't know for sure what that person really said to your mom- not that your mom is lying--but everyone has their own take on what is told to them. Your mom may have felt that what the person was saying was a put down of you, when maybe-just maybe, it wasn't at all-maybe it was a put down of her? Is that possible?

Point is, you didn't get it from the horse's mouth--you got it via your mom's mouth.
And so many of us place our own meanings on what others say.

I hate confronting people-but i also hate wasting a whole day stewing over what one person told me about what another said about me.

These days I just go to the horse's mouth--I've been amazed to find out the truth of
what was really said, versus what the other person said was said.
JMO (((EVENING)))-theo

[Evening]

No I know this person said these things. She's had a bit of a falling out with the family (what's new hey?) because nobody likes her partner. He was abusive to his ex-wife and is showing signs of abuse to my cousins now. He and I used to get along pretty well until we got in a fight and he said that if my cousin wanted to kill herself he'd be more than happy to give her the knife.
Of course after that I got rather vocal about it all and we dont talk. Now the rest of my family wont talk to him either, after my cousin was pretty much dumped suicidal on my doorstep in the middle of the night for me to look after.
My mother decided not to be nasty and ditch her like everyone else, but all they did was ***** about everyone in the family. My mother had enough and left.

That's just the basic story anyway, there's a lot more to it than that, but I can guarantee what my mother said was true.

That being the case, I can understand you feeling pretty rotten about the whole thing-----and being hypersensitive to his guy's questions...it's horrible to have a whole dysfuncional family preying on everyone--people still don't realize how prevalent it is, and always has been. So much denial, so much lying. It will soon be out in the open- on the bookstore shelves, and at your favorite theatres--it will be exposed. Excuse me Evening- i got it wrong-(((HUGS))) -theo