[Rhiannonsmoon]

**Multiple triggers for sexual assault**




I swear if anyone comes into a room quietly or comes up behind me and they haven't made themselves known I literally lift both feet off the ground scream and haul of with a great right hook and a meaner left cross; if we had low ceilings there'd be fingernails in them.

I've been like this since being sexually assaulted on a train 16 years ago and no matter how much I meditate, or get counselling or REM therapy and cog therapy it will not go away. I was molested very violently as a 3year old by 3 men, then at 9 by a porter in a childrens hospital, date raped at 15 and again in my 20's but it was that one when I was 34 which really got me because he grabbed me from behind. But it was the trigger for the molestation PTSD which took all those years to emerge and in the strangest of ways.

Later that same year I had surgery, went horribly wrong was in hospital for four months and 2 more surgeries. I had a break and then had another surgery (2nd last one) and I was given a ileostomy. I had had a colostomy and though I didn't like it I dealt with it. But the ileostomy had me climbing backwards up the hospital room wall to get away from it. It looked like a flaccid uncircumsised penis and it took me right back to being 3 years old and looking at what grew into a painful ugly monster that was shoved into my mouth, **** and vagina. It happened in a small shed, and my hospital room looked small enough to be that shed.

So if I am crept up on I make no apology whatsoever for whatever injuries I inflict on the one stupid enough to creep up on me. I've wanted to get over it for 16 years but something will just not allow me to. Wether it is my ego fight or flight response or anger I don't know but that right hook left cross is there for anyone willing to test it,

Rhian

[Typo]

(((((((((((((((((((((Rhiannonsmoon))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Angel21]

((((((((((((Rhiannonsmoon))))))))))

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Thank you both Typo & Jane Doe

It's hard to discuss it but harder to put up with it

I appreciate your support,

Rhian

[AkAngel]

(((Rhian)))

[Artsywoman45]

Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon

**Multiple triggers for sexual assault**




I swear if anyone comes into a room quietly or comes up behind me and they haven't made themselves known I literally lift both feet off the ground scream and haul of with a great right hook and a meaner left cross; if we had low ceilings there'd be fingernails in them.

I've been like this since being sexually assaulted on a train 16 years ago and no matter how much I meditate, or get counselling or REM therapy and cog therapy it will not go away. I was molested very violently as a 3year old by 3 men, then at 9 by a porter in a childrens hospital, date raped at 15 and again in my 20's but it was that one when I was 34 which really got me because he grabbed me from behind. But it was the trigger for the molestation PTSD which took all those years to emerge and in the strangest of ways.

Later that same year I had surgery, went horribly wrong was in hospital for four months and 2 more surgeries. I had a break and then had another surgery (2nd last one) and I was given a ileostomy. I had had a colostomy and though I didn't like it I dealt with it. But the ileostomy had me climbing backwards up the hospital room wall to get away from it. It looked like a flaccid uncircumsised penis and it took me right back to being 3 years old and looking at what grew into a painful ugly monster that was shoved into my mouth, **** and vagina. It happened in a small shed, and my hospital room looked small enough to be that shed.

So if I am crept up on I make no apology whatsoever for whatever injuries I inflict on the one stupid enough to creep up on me. I've wanted to get over it for 16 years but something will just not allow me to. Wether it is my ego fight or flight response or anger I don't know but that right hook left cross is there for anyone willing to test it,

Rhian

I suffer from and have suffered from a more intense form of PTSD years ago from sexual abuse as a child and now from the same as an adult. I have noticed that I am triggered by something similar to what you describe. When men in particular get to near me, like this guy today at a laundramat I was in. He was telling me I looked fit for my age and then he patted my hip slightly and I felt so angry! I also live in an area that is really awful with a lot of guys hanging around saying things to me all the time and I am always angry now about men. I am trying to hard to move, but now whenever I am around men in general I am angry and angry about other things. I then feel depressed and sad, like tonight. I understand how you feel, as I had the similar issue as a child too and the flashbacks like that. It is very difficult. I hope you are feeling better. I know that sounds lame, but I do.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hey Artsywoman,

Thank you so much for your support, and I know how difficult it is to go into detail not because I wanted to hear them but because I know how much it brings up to actually go through them and tell others what you are feeling and hope they understand. Most people here are just the best and are so supportive but it is still so hard to bring these things out.

I felt like I was squeezing a boil writing about it. At first I put it in the wrong place and was mortified and rushed back to move it to somewhere appropriate but that didn't relieve the shame of putting it in the wrong place.

Knowing what you experienced made me hurt for you. Someone who hasn't had any molestation at all might say "he only touched your thigh" but I've had that done and it makes me crazy when I think of all the times I've been invaded and I feel so sorry for you having to put up with that.

What has happened to our society? What has happened that these men think and feel that we are goods on show for sale or rent? Is it to do with the genre of movies and the sex and violence in them thesedays or is it that some men just think that women are a walking supermarket where they can just grab what they want ? I don't know but it brings up such anger in me that I have to go into grounding breathing patterns when I think about it...

Thanks again Artsy

Rhian

[mommasuesue]

((((((((rhian)))))))

I also have been sexually abused at 12 and 14 at 14 I became pregnant with my daughter . Just today I for some reason remembered what happened to me and thinking of my daughter just makes me cry !!! She looks just like the guy and its been so hard for me . The day I had her the dr came in my room and I cried my eyes out on his shoulder and thats all the therapy I have ever gotten for it . My parents of course helped me raise her because we deceided she was mine not his. I have worke4d really hard on beleiving that but at the same time I know shes from someone else who I do not know. so I just had to share something here because of my sadness today I keep telling my self shes all grown up now but guess what Im not .

[Nupoet64]

all on your behalf....much support going your way!