[michelefree]

I am in crisis, locked in my room, once again, to avoid abuse. I put "please help me" into Google, and a black page about suicide came up. The page gave all kinds of links for help, and all the links were broken.

This is the story of my life. Someone talks pretty, and says there is help, and there is not. It is all a lie.

How can you people do this? I had to go to psychcentral.com and fill out page after page of information, where they asked me to create a username and pick my problem form a list of huge things, all why I sit here fearing for my life, and at the same time wanting to die.

WHy? WHy put out a page that dangles hope and then breaks all links. If this is an accident, you'd better repair it.

Good night.

[jexa]

michele, I'm so sorry to hear you hit dead ends at that page. Sheesh. It's like, the road to getting help is so full of road blocks that when you are already feeling helpless, it makes things so much worse. When you're already in crisis, those things only make you feel more hopeless.

If you're feeling suicidal, 1-800-SUICIDE is a resource - there may be a short roadblock (needing to give them your info first), but on the other line is a live, breathing human being who has volunteered to be a support person to people in need, like you.

Also, you are here, and welcome! Luckily PC is a pretty good place to get help. Especially if you go to the forum called "Psychotherapy." The anxiety forum is pretty active as well. People here are kind and accepting. You are welcome here, with open arms.

Don't give up.

[(JD)]

Hi Michele, sorry I missed your post yesterday...been rather tough here lately.

How are you today?
What type of abuse is occurring in your life? Something you can call the police about, or ongoing emotional abuse that you think would be your word against theirs?

I've had dark times in my life as well...and even had people on those hotlines hang up on me.

Come on back and post, ok? There are many, many caring people here.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

It's sad that you are so angry. If you are in crisis you should call lifeline, beyond blue or one of the other crisis numbers where they are trained to deal with situations like yours immediately.

It's interesting that you bothered to fill in all the unbelieveable crap just to have a go at ?? someone...

I really do hope you feel better soon

[Ellen Grace]

Dear Michelle,
I am so sorry you are experiencing dark events and dark feelings of hopelessness. I, too, have experienced the insanity of helplessness. It took me years to reach out and get the help I needed. I'd either scare people off with my desperation or hold back out of fear they would exploit me. My abusers had taught me they were not to be trusted; but the emotional abandonment left too much of a void. I did not know how to attach in a healthy way, so would isolate myself in the dark cave of depression. I cried every day for years and years.

Eventually I got tired of my limited "tools." I reached out. Some "heard me" and some did not. I was an adult, but was naive, more like a child in my emotional development; but eventually "got" the message that not every one is a recovery partner. The rejection fired me up at times and made me reach out again, and again, because with each rejection, I began to know more about what I wanted and needed and kept knocking on doors until I found what "clicked." Like finding one bread crumb on the trail, then another, and another. Then the gift came: the awareness that the journey of wellness gives back hope and creates better connections that what the abuser offers (control, negative bashing, fear, condemnation, guilt, loss of dignity)

I had to accept my limitations. I could not fix my situation alone. I needed help. That was very hard for me. But the mindset change in direction changed my life for the better. I no longer wake up wanting to die. I no longer plan suicide attempts. I am happier than I've ever been. It's taken several support groups to guide me to the place I am now. I also take an antidepressant, see a psychiatrist, and a cognitive therapist. My husband and children are reaping the improved results. But it comes with trade-offs.

I am under doctor's orders to not see my mother who was one of the abuser. She is a trigger that makes my brain go into a stress storm, and then my body crashes. I no longer make myself be around people who, literally make me sick.

There is a whole community of healthy, caring people in the mental health profession who know how to guide you to better places. There is already a community of "invisible" people waiting to meet you. Just put your seat belt on and go for the ride of your life! You are worth it, Michelle!

[phoenix7]

((((((((michelefree)))))))

im sorry that happened that must have been so frustrating for you and scary too

first things first - are you safe? if not can you call a relative or friend or the police if necessary - you need to be safe ok

I dont know whats happeneing with you but you sound like you feel cornered - i just want you to know that although it may not feel like you can get past this you can!

please let us know you are safe

P7

[Nupoet64]

So sorry you are having a hard time....

[michele#3]

Michele, I hope things are a little better for you now. Remember all of us here at Psych Central are here for you. In the mean time lots and lots of cyber hugs to you!!