[randomuglylife]

here i sit in this dark room (the light doesnt work no more)wondering how im still here?i thoght she was gonna kill me....sometimes i just want to let go and die but i know that isnt right...i have a full life ahead of me.i mean i stay in this dark room all day nothing to do but sit,read,computer..the only time i come out is when the door is closed and im free to go out and not be hurted...i sleep,read,restroom...i like to go to school its were i think it out and im away..i dont want no one to tell,just to help me thro someone who will come to me in the corner and sit next to me and say"hi,wanna play?"..i got no one to play with my parents dont let my friends come in and i cant go out unless my brothers are out...to watch them or im takeing the garbarge out.im scared to eat..i only eat when the door is closed(im starvin)..i know im 13 but im not stupid...ive been called lots of names by the people i love..like when my mom use to talk to my aunt and saty bad stuff about me and then look at me and switch lauguges like i cant read emotions and the ways she speaks.ive runed away 1 time to my friends house it didnt work her grandpa called the cops to get me..it ended badly shes still mad at me for running away and telling the cops(3 months).im not ready to say what happened.i still want to run but i dont know where to go i could go to my grandmas but the door always goes there and i dont want to see the door anymore...im scared of back scratchers,cooking supples that it hard and hard objects that hurt but i have to live on dont i?...(this room is cold i need a blanket)..my friends at school ask"what happened at the office?"..i tell then bits and peices but they still act to nice or just avoid my eyes..some times i just...thud..i keep everything to myself..when people say stuff about me at school i just sit their silently and wonder if its true..some times i think im another person..i get a accent acting like this person..this person had a better life then me i like this persons life...sometimes im this other person hes been thro alot more he's silent mute.....thats how i am when i rememeber being this person..its hard rememebering what happened..it hurts..i get headaches when i think about the past so i think about the future but sometimes the past creeps up at you and scares you..i feel like im slowly melting from the heat and pressure..sometimes i feel like im not me like ive done something i would have never done like im in a diffrent body silently watching and shakeing from fear...my friends say i change alot i dont get it they say im calm one day and the next im hyper then the next im just me!!??i dont get it.i feel like my mind has shutin down and is watching from somewhere else..sometimes i feel like someone is watching me as i walk home everyday..im scared of cars that are driveing behind you slowly i freck out..one day "the door" throw glass all over my room(picture frames,mirrors,glass stuff) and i had to clean it up i picked it all up and put it in the garbage bag and went to take it out..i didnt notice that the glass had cuted thro the bag and i was swinging it back and forth as i walked and the bag was like to my feet..the i felt like something scratched me i just ignored it and contined on and my friends mom drives by she stops and tells me to tell my mom she soped by and hi..thats when i noticed something was went on my sandels like a puddle..i looked down and i had a deep cut on my ankle and it was bleeding into my sandel and out into the grass..i acted like i was okay and said okay,bye..i walk to something i can sit on and looked at it..it was deep and short but i didnt know but it needed stitches..i walked in to go clean my room more the door said to go trow away the trash in the kitchen i went and i was haveing trouble walking from the pain i told and showed the door but the door said "well look at what you did"i looked and the was a tiny cut that was bleeding with a bangege around it..i just contined on with the trash.thats when i was very young(11)im scared of glass(._.)... besides the bad part of my life i like to smile at my friends and carey on..all i need is someone i can talk too,someone who will sit next to me and talk and wont hate me no matter what..i love haveing friends i can talk to day to night about nothin importent..my parents divorced and now i have a step mom things are alittle better going on liveing thro the thoghts and past..but sometimes i rememeber to much and i start to cry and i go in my room and hide in the corner and weep it all out...day to day year to year i think of this and wonder why i putted up with it..

i wrote this at 4:13 a.m...trying to let it out and talk it out

[PleaseHelp]

(((random))) I'm here to listen if you need it. I remember growing up. I LOVED school, it was my safe place. I didn't talk much, was really shy, but at least there I wasn't being yelled at or ducking for cover.

you are special and people do care. be safe. and let out whatever needs to come out.

[phoenix7]

((((randomuglylife)))))

are you safe now? are the people wiht you now safe? does the door stil hurt you? this is a good place to talk and listen and find people to share your thoughts wiht - please coem back and let us know how you are

P7

[Nupoet64]

Random, I am glad you are here. It is safe here. We understand the pain and fear. I hope you are safe, now.
I liked being at school, too. I could pretend life was normal when I was at school. I also got picked on alot, but it was better than being home. I was very shy and had very few friends. We moved all the time. But most fo the teachers were nice.
I also feel like I am someone else looking out of my eyes and watching things happen. I also feel like when I walk out of my safe area that I am in a dream, nothing is real.
I hope you are feeling safer now....

***sitting quietly in the corner and listening.....***