[michele#3]

I have PTSD from multiple traumas like so many of you in this forum. Because of these expierepances I have social phobia pretty bad. I'm trying to come out it but is so very hard. I avoid appointments, friendships anything that has to do with people. Anyway, I need any help and sugesstions that anyone might have.

[Omers]

Wht is the most comfortable way for you to interact with others? or perhaps which is the least of the "evils"? I know I do much better when I can write or type rather than call, face-to-face or other options.

[Gus1234U]

i am surprised that i haven't seen your posts before now, michele~ one of the ways i like to deal with phobias is thru humor,, of course that is different for every one, but we do have some hilarious threads on Jokes about Psychiatrists, and other Humor threads,, if you don't have anything to post, just reading them is good for what ails ya... you can always come to the Hosted Chats, and not talk,, just sit and learn,, or to the Live Chats for that matter, and if you just click on the "AWAY" button, (Available), no one will question you. hope you find a way to work your way back into human contact,, i know how hard it is,, i was an accomplished Isolate, for many years... best wishes,, Gus

[skeksi]

I sympathize. When my social anxiety was at its worst, I focused on doing things even when they were uncomfortable and no fun (at best). I guess my strategy was, fake it till you make it. I spent a lot of long hours being social and not enjoying myself much, and subject to many tears. But I journaled extensively about these times and found that in the discomfort were moments of feeling connected, which was nice. As I noticed what I was "doing well" for even a moment, I grew marginally less anxious.

Every little step helps, and this is not something that is easily resolved. Give yourself credit for every little step you make.

[Hunny]

Michelle
I walked into a little shop and the artist was talking about her little improv group and she kindly invited me. She intuatively knew I was struggling, as sometimes artists are more sensitive that way.

I had not really socialized for over a year, other than going to my therapist and visiting now and again one other person. I arrived late and left early as I could so I would not have to talk to anyone. There were only about 5 people total. The little vinettes made me laugh so much...when they did group things, everyone doing the same thing I could do it but for months I just could not do a skit for myself. Then, one day I did get up with one or two other people. I cannot remember what it was doing. I just know it was little steps at a time and never, not for a year got up in front of an audience. Then, one day I saw that a local choir was calling for members. They were singing Beatle songs for a performance at the end. I tried it. Again, I came late and left early for the most part until the presentation. It took approximate 2 to 3 months to practise. In the group I was not noticed but I was with others. I don't do either anymore but for a time it helped me get out to be with people. This sounds like counter to what is happening for you but because I didn't have to build any one to one relationships, yet I was with people, it was my self-imposed therapy.

All the best.

[Typo]

(((((((((Michele))))))))))))))) I don't have anything at the moment, and I"m about to walk out the door, but I just wanted to stop by and let you know you are not alone and I"m always here if you need to talk.

[melita]

[This was a while ago, so I don't know if you are still reading posts. Maybe this should have been a thank you. I have social phobia due to multiple traumas/issues....after a life-time (53 years old) culmination of negative experiences from not handling situations/people appropriately due to PTSD. I feel wierd and lonely. Yet, I am only comfortable/safe when I'm alone. It's good for me to know you are 'out there' and continuing to 'live', too.

[shezbut]

Gentle hugs to you Michele.

I can relate a lot to your post. I have a history in difficulty establishing relationships, particularly healthy relationships.

Typing in here is much easier for me, than via phone. I feel safer. In person, I have a tendency to babble & have more memory troubles than usual.

[unico]

Would it perhaps be easier to seek out one-on-one interpersonal experiences first? Or making friends online and talking to them, then working up to in-person events? Having a plan of what I am going to do when you are going out makes things easier for me. I prefer organized events or just going to a friend's house for a quiet time.

[ashleym]

Originally Posted by michele#3

I have PTSD from multiple traumas like so many of you in this forum. Because of these expierepances I have social phobia pretty bad. I'm trying to come out it but is so very hard. I avoid appointments, friendships anything that has to do with people. Anyway, I need any help and sugesstions that anyone might have.

I Understand I have it to from years of mental abus I know it will be hard but I really think you should see a pyscoloist they will help you over come it.

[michele#3]

Thanks for the everyone for the supportive posts. I still feel pretty much the same as when I posted the first post, however I realize that I do have friends here and in real life. I guess I should be thankful for what I have.
Also, I do see a thereapist. I guess I just feel frustrated 'cause things aren't they way I would like.

[Rose76]

On this thread I've heard social phobia spoken of in a way that I relate to better than to what I have read on the social phobia thread. (And I do appreciate very much the perspectives offered over there.) I am not diagnosed with PTSD, and I never saw a reason why I should be. Still, my anxiety around people can be so extreme sometimes I'm driven to despair.

[michele#3]

Rose, I'm sorry to hear that your anxiety bothers you so much. Just remember that I certainly understand an am here for any kind of support I can give. Just PM me or right a post on this site.

[Open Eyes]

I am sorry too and I do know how it feels.

It can even be harder when the people around you don't understand, you, youself can't seem to understand.

For me, I was always so shy around people all thru growing up, but I did have a lot of trauma, espcially on the school bus, my brother was picked on more than me. I would watch in horror trying so hard to understand how a person could find pleasure in harming another emotionally. I endured this for years. And my brother was a normal looking child.

But, the one thing I found that was very helpful was, as a young girl, I baby sat. The young children were very friendly and I loved to entertain them. I was a very funny babysitter and I even let them stay up late.
I was a very popular babysitter and I had money in my pocket too.

I struggeled and just kept trying with others my age. But as I grew I found ways to study people. I used to go to night clubs and not get drunk but watch people who were drunk. I watched people everywhere and I even wrote poetry about all the things I saw.

I worked for a psychiatrist once at Yale who was studing specific behavior in people. He would visit prisons and interview people who committed crimes. But the crimes were specific to poor living conditions. Some of the victims were children. I had to type his work from hand written notes and everything was recorded so that he could continue receiving grant money. I was young and still shy. But I observed him too. He had a very odd sense of humer.

Then I got married and had some more abuse from dealing with alcoholism. My husband was a nice man but the drinking was causing him to do bad things. I went to an Alonon meeting and everyone told me to leave him. I decided to give him a chance and I supported him. I was alone there too because the statistics for a marriage lasting thru this are very low.

But, I had my own child and I took that very seriously. I also had a special friend in my child and I loved teaching her and introducing her to the world. As she got older I built a business and ofcourse, that too revolved around children. Before I knew it I was talking and laughing and helping children. I became the person I was meant to be and I expanded my comfort zone.

So, maybe you could do something similar, something with children, read to them at a library or offer your time at a grammer school. Begin your journey with children and grow with them.

It is amazing what we can learn about ourselves by giving to children.
Young children can be more accepting and appreciative without all the
threats of adults. But, you will find that if you can capture a childs heart, you will also capture the parents heart. It can be a rewarding way of growing out of your hiding place.

Now I talk too much, because I was always talking to children and trying to explain. I have learned how to reach the hearts of people by touching the hearts of children. And in return they touched my heart.

Some food for thought perhaps a direction not thought of

[Rose76]

To: Open Eyes

Your note above is very beautiful and you are very good to share with me what made life better for you. Your story touches my heart and it is food for thought. Many thanks.