[alonewolf]

I'm new to this site. Happy to have found a way to hopefully get some support throught this life altering time. I have complex ptsd/ social phobias/ and a sever panic disorder.
I'm currently 37 weeks pregnant and becomeing more and more scared everyday. Scared of what??? Labor and delivery, medical conditions, fear I did something wrong while I was pregnant that may have hurt the baby, fear my fiance is pulling away from me and trying to move on, fear that my fiance will take the baby away from me, scared my fiance may go to jail right after the baby is born and I wont be able to support us... My list goes on forever.
I haven't been able to hold down a job for almost 2 years. I'm constantly trying to get the old me back but the more I try the more I seem to crawl farther into my shell. My fiance has always been supportive and there for me, but now he acts as if my feelings dont add up. Out of the blue he leaves me to go out with his old friends and ex girlfriend and other things that remind me of my ex's actions. Which sucks because I'm stranded in a hotel all alone, in a new town. I try to remind myself that he isn't my ex, but the more red flags that come up the more I find myself panicing, inturnally struggling to not act out, end the relationship, or even leaving my room. I don't know what to do? He wants me to live with my grandparents, 4 hours away, after the baby comes. His reasoning is that we need to save money. However the past 3 months his spending has gotten out of control, going to bars behind my back. If I go to my grandparents he supposidly will save money by staying with friends so that we don't have to pay for this hotel. However, I know he'll be out at the bars and spending the same way he is now, probable even more because I'm not there to slow the spending down. It also makes me feel like he wants me out of the way so he can do what ever he wants.
We have been arguing because of the trips to hang out with is old friends and ex. His ex always trys to show me up when she sees me, trys to tell him she was better than me, and has called me and told me I am not his fiance. I dont like the fact that he believes her stories over me. I told him that it makes me really insecure and his response was that I they were together for 7 year and have been apart for 10 before he meet me and that she will always be in his life. This makes me so scared not only because it makes me feel invaluable to him but also because this is how and when the abuse started with my ex, which started when I was pregnant with our daughter and got out of control when he was cheating on me. I don't have anyone to talk to about this, dont know what to think, Please Help.

[Gilead]

Alonewolf,

Maybe once the baby is born you should consider going to live with your grandparents. The baby and you need to be safe - and some of the things you described don't really sound that way to me.

Always think of the baby and you first - nothing else matters.

Please let us know how you are.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by alonewolf

I'm new to this site. Happy to have found a way to hopefully get some support throught this life altering time. I have complex ptsd/ social phobias/ and a sever panic disorder.
I'm currently 37 weeks pregnant and becomeing more and more scared everyday. Scared of what??? Labor and delivery, medical conditions, fear I did something wrong while I was pregnant that may have hurt the baby, fear my fiance is pulling away from me and trying to move on, fear that my fiance will take the baby away from me, scared my fiance may go to jail right after the baby is born and I wont be able to support us... My list goes on forever.
I haven't been able to hold down a job for almost 2 years. I'm constantly trying to get the old me back but the more I try the more I seem to crawl farther into my shell. My fiance has always been supportive and there for me, but now he acts as if my feelings dont add up. Out of the blue he leaves me to go out with his old friends and ex girlfriend and other things that remind me of my ex's actions. Which sucks because I'm stranded in a hotel all alone, in a new town. I try to remind myself that he isn't my ex, but the more red flags that come up the more I find myself panicing, inturnally struggling to not act out, end the relationship, or even leaving my room. I don't know what to do? He wants me to live with my grandparents, 4 hours away, after the baby comes. His reasoning is that we need to save money. However the past 3 months his spending has gotten out of control, going to bars behind my back. If I go to my grandparents he supposidly will save money by staying with friends so that we don't have to pay for this hotel. However, I know he'll be out at the bars and spending the same way he is now, probable even more because I'm not there to slow the spending down. It also makes me feel like he wants me out of the way so he can do what ever he wants.
We have been arguing because of the trips to hang out with is old friends and ex. His ex always trys to show me up when she sees me, trys to tell him she was better than me, and has called me and told me I am not his fiance. I dont like the fact that he believes her stories over me. I told him that it makes me really insecure and his response was that I they were together for 7 year and have been apart for 10 before he meet me and that she will always be in his life. This makes me so scared not only because it makes me feel invaluable to him but also because this is how and when the abuse started with my ex, which started when I was pregnant with our daughter and got out of control when he was cheating on me. I don't have anyone to talk to about this, dont know what to think, Please Help.

I am very sorry, it really sounds very frustrating and confusing for you.
I think that you need to take care of you and your baby, the stress is alot for you right now. And, from what I can see you have another child too.
It may not be a bad idea to stay with your grandparents or someone who can help you feel safe.

You can't change the person your fiance is. He will have to do that.
I really think that you should be somewhere safe. Just being pregnant can be a source of stress and uneasyness.

I unfortunately do know how you feel and have gone thru a similar experience. A woman who is pregnant feels especially vulnerable.

All I can tell you is that if I were to go back to that time I would try harder to focus on myself and the child that is trying to grow inside me.
At the time I went thru it, there was nothing I said or did that really changed the behavior of my husband.

I am in a much better relationship with him now and he does regret those days. I think some men get really nervous too with a new responsibilty of a child on the way. It is no excuse for his behavior but he is probably a little frightened too.

So, try to stay as calm as you can, focus on yourself and what is right for you right now.

You will be in my prayers

Open Eyes

[(JD)]

How well do your grandparents support you? Are they willing to help you, do they give you good advice? I'd go there, if for nothing more than family support with a newborn.

As for the baby's father ? forget about him for now. I'd stop all contact except civil talk if he calls. But he is only going to make your life harder, and if you also expect him to help and he doesn't well that's just more turmoil in your baby's and your lives than either of you need.

Time to make some tough adult decisions. How marvelous a miracle you carry! Regardless of how all that came about, now's the time to seek rational support, and if that's at your grandparent's...then go!

[Nammu]

Wow, It hard having PTSD, panic and a rocky relationship. I've too have been in that situation except we we married when I became pregnant. My best advice is to have a great therapist, someone who you can really talk about these issues with and to find a nest of your own. A place that makes you feel safe. If your grandparents can help you do that great. But right now I'd say concentrate on you, and your coming child. He is going though his own insecurities, tring to get him to change will only wear both of you out. Remember when the world id closing in, and there seems to be no solution, or a solution you don't want, remember to take time out, breath, just breath. Then call your therapist or a suportive friend. I hope this helps.

[Can't Stop Crying]

I made the mistake of marrying young because I was pregnant and thought it was the "right" thing to do. If your grandparents are in a position to help you and support you emotionally, accept their support please. Having a new baby is hard work and you need all the loving support you can get right now. Your boyfriend doesn't sound very supportive right now.
In terms of the actual delivery of the baby...it hurts, I'm not going to lie, but epidurals are a life saver and the nurses can be great emotional coaches.
You have a lot on your plate right now remember to breathe and take it one step at a time. Focus on what's best for you and the baby right now, everything else can wait.
You are in my thoughts!