I need to face something

So I wrote a big long thread in the welcome area telling my story about why I came here.

I'm trying to face my problems instead of running from them. The short version is that I was robbed and had to live with the people who did it for 8 months before they were finally gone.

My apartment is the top floor of a Victorian house. They had the bottom floor and basement.

I was handling it when my son lived with me. He is in the military stationed in California a long way away. Even though he was in boot camp last year I knew he was coming home so I didn't feel like I was alone. Now that he's officially gone and on with his life, I just couldn't tolerate being in that apartment. I spent less and less time there.

I just couldn't face it. I would sit and try to relax and read a book and I couldn't see the pages. I kept seeing and thinking about everything that happened.

The landlord has been really nice but they realize something weird is going on. So she wants to meet me there tonight.

I'm really struggling. She was my friend before she was my landlord. She knows I'm having a hard time but not to what extent. But they noticed there is no water usage.

I have two friends that will be needing a place to live. So they are going to move in with me. They are coming today to discuss and see the place.

When I was robbed the place was wrecked. They did a lot of stuff to it and I cleaned up some of it but some of it never got cleaned up and I just walked away so the place needs work and they are going to help me.

I have a hard time letting people into my house now because of the past events. I have a hard time with a lot of things.

So I have to face meeting my landlord. We've been communicating electronically because I can't face even talking on the phone.

But just writing this here has kind of helped calm me down. It's only 7 am and the time to meet can be flexible.

I'm just scared and anxious.

If anyone has suggestions they are appreciated.

Big question: Why haven't you moved????

Well that's a good question. I was going to move in with a family member. But then as I was there less and less it got harder and harder to go pack. I started hiding from life. Then I realized I didn't like myself very much. Or didn't like what I had become.

I went over there today with my friends. It went really well. Better than I expected. And I met with my landlady and had a talk with her. That went well too.

I gave my friend a key so she could go there tomorrow and start organizing. It was a big step. No one had a key but my son before. *sigh* I'm tired now. But I feel good that I took a step.

I had a similar experience a few years ago. I was waiting for it be time to pick up my husband and as I sat on the chair, a man came racing through the front door and grabbed my handbag off the table.

It has taken me a long, long time to recover from it. I couldn't go out at night for months. I was a wreck

Gradually though, things got better. I'm still very wary of being out in the dark but I don't have a complete breakdown now while out there - only a little one.

It's been about 8 years since this happened and it is something that will be with me for life but the flashbacks are mostly gone now.

I think not rushing yourself into feeling stronger is important. It's best if you do what you can in your own time. Maybe one day you'll be able to branch out when you feel safer.

Have you reported the robbery to the police? Have you sought police protection from the thieves living in the basement? You should be able to file a complaint against them. Or, are you too terrified to do so? Do the thieves continue to threaten you?