[aoo1]

Hi,

My Grandpa was very strong financially but within months when my parents married they were cheated in business and left penniless.

When I was child (under 10) my family was struggling very badly financially... and we were in a very bad neighborhood. When I was 4 or 5 I remember my mom crying every day at the small temple in our home that she cannot bear it anymore and the safety of her child. She worked extremely hard to raise us, toil a lot and used to be dead tired by evening. We had a strange apartment with 3 rooms, two were on ground floor next to a very congested street and third was on first floor. There was no water supply pipe, we could not afford it for years and she carried daily 15-20 buckets of water to first floor to fill the tank.

The details are so bad that my fingers go numb in writing how she toiled in daily chores.

When I was 15 or so family was stable financially. So if you get it, I was raised on sweat and blood.

When growing up I had great plans for bringing comfort, joy, and recreation for my parents. However I've been through bad times (http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=197899)

What do you suggest? what shall be my approach and attitude towards my life?

BTW at Sanity Score Test my Posttraumatic Stressscore is 83.

People with scores similar to yours often have traits associated with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a disorder characterized by reliving a suffered trauma through flashbacks, nightmares or other recollections of the event. This is a serious concern that often requires professional treatment.

Any help will be much appreciated.

[Open Eyes]

Well, first of all your only 27 and you still have time to pick yourself up and try again.
I think that you are putting a lot of blame on yourself and in case you havent noticed this economy is a real challenge for everyone. The rich have always been in a class of their own but these people cannot escape from life either, they have their own issues and spoils to face. And many of them are delusional and they can afford to be delusional unfortunately.

No, for you and me and many others life is work and toil in every way. There are places where people are working and if you are not making it where you are and your not tied down maybe you should raise your stakes and go elsewhere. And to be honest that is and has always been the American way.

Realization? well, all that means is stopping and looking at different options or directions sometimes, especially if you are young and are not truely tied down.
I give you credit for at trying to start a business, but there are many successful people who tried and failed and kept to task and eventually figured out a market for success. And there are things that you have now that your mother never had, so though you are aware of that living condition you have taken steps to prevent that in yourself. Some of the greatest have come out of the dirt of poverty so don't think that that history is fate.

This economy is a real challenge world wide so it isn't all you, but be thankful you are still young enough to continue to search for ways to pull yourself together and roll up you sleeves and make another attempt. Start a search in your computer and find out where there are thriving places and make efforts to be adventurous.

Open Eyes

[aoo1]

Open Eyes, Thanks you very much for the reply. This is the first time I had a chance to talk about it.

[phoenix7]

you had a hard life growing up - having things- then not -then agian being ok - that makes for a rocky childhood and a lot of uncertainty for a child.

You have tried and had problems - that doesnt mean you cant try agian - it just means next time you wil have learned somthing from the last time to help you go forward - maybe you need more business skills? what about doing a course? or working for someone else and asking them to be your mentor and teach you the skills they know ?

it would seem that your lack of success at break neck speed is bringing you down - you need to be a little kinder to yourself - do somethings that you enjoy - have a well rounded life - you are stil trying and that is great - try diaphramatic breathing - its hard at first but it works for some - worked for me for a while..

are you talking to people about how you feel or bottling it up? I'm sure your mother would not want the pressure you are putting on yourself about looking after everyone and getting rich - you dont need to be rich - you need to have enough.... wnough to be able to breathe and live and not worry if a bill comes in.. and this takes time....give yourself time

there is stil time

please be kind and gentle to yourself and perhaps be more active inthe day so you sleep better at night - I understand this ...I have had/do have similar problems wiht sleep

take care

P7