[ilisten]

On Saturday I was following my boyfriend to drop his car off for his sister and apparently he pulled off the road (I knew where I was going so I wasn't right behind him) to call me because his sister was going to get a ride to meet us at the house for the car. I pulled out how I normally would and stopped at the stop sign to get onto the main road. I heard a Very Loud crash and immediately thought that better of not been him and put my car in park, and flashers on. My phone was buzzing so I pulled it out and saw it was him and answered his call frantically and was like there was just a huge crash i can't get there right now I need to check on these people and I saw all of these other cars calling 911 and I was out of mine and looked at the cars in the wreck thinking are they going to blow up or catch fire, decided no or that i could run from that and ran up to the one SUV and went to start checking on people.

I tossed my phone in my pocket and made sure the 3 people were alert in the SUV with injuries that weren't threatening to their life. This other man that ran out was like you have a phone and I was like yea and i brought it over to him to call 911 to call in trauma codes, i took one look at the guy and that car and new it was either about to be administering life support or he was gone. I yelled to some other helpers to leave the people in the car at the suv and keep them calm and was trying to alert the man in the red car (i've since learned his name and other things but I didn't know them at the time). he wasn't responding and the other man helping didn't feel a pulse and blood was all over. and this other guy was an off duty rescue worker and he pulled out his stethoscope and everything and gave me this look like he is already gone, I knew it then. He asked me to go help direct traffic and I went and was yelling and motioning cars to turn around and then my boyfriend who drove up to the scene went to direct traffic and I went to check on the guy in the last car who wasn't too bad off... I helped the EMT crew get him on the stretcher and went to see if other help was needed.

I know it was recent (i'm not suggesting ptsd but figured this was where I could get the most help). I was really really really shaken up after words and told my boyfriend I didn't want to drive the rest of the day and that I just wanted to cry (which I did a lot and still am). I texted my therapist later that night about it all and he called me the next morning and I see him tomorrow. But well my main problem is I can't get rid of the mental picture in my head, I can't erase what I saw, I can't make it go away. I drive and think how that man looked in his driver seat and I just want to cry. I'm avoiding that section of the road. I don't like driving but I have to... the only thing that helps is distraction with work basically and i'm just not capable of focusing anywhere. any suggestions to one help me close my eyes and not see everything or to help me not think about it? talking and not talking about it hasn't yet seemed to help me.

[roads]

I'm sorry I have no experience with such trauma but want you to know I hear your confusion, distress, anguish at what you participated in. You were so helpful at the time, which is remarkable. I am glad you have a therapist & an early appt.
Best thoughts.

[tohelpafriend]

Originally Posted by ilisten

On Saturday I was following my boyfriend to drop his car off for his sister and apparently he pulled off the road (I knew where I was going so I wasn't right behind him) to call me because his sister was going to get a ride to meet us at the house for the car. I pulled out how I normally would and stopped at the stop sign to get onto the main road. I heard a Very Loud crash and immediately thought that better of not been him and put my car in park, and flashers on. My phone was buzzing so I pulled it out and saw it was him and answered his call frantically and was like there was just a huge crash i can't get there right now I need to check on these people and I saw all of these other cars calling 911 and I was out of mine and looked at the cars in the wreck thinking are they going to blow up or catch fire, decided no or that i could run from that and ran up to the one SUV and went to start checking on people.

I tossed my phone in my pocket and made sure the 3 people were alert in the SUV with injuries that weren't threatening to their life. This other man that ran out was like you have a phone and I was like yea and i brought it over to him to call 911 to call in trauma codes, i took one look at the guy and that car and new it was either about to be administering life support or he was gone. I yelled to some other helpers to leave the people in the car at the suv and keep them calm and was trying to alert the man in the red car (i've since learned his name and other things but I didn't know them at the time). he wasn't responding and the other man helping didn't feel a pulse and blood was all over. and this other guy was an off duty rescue worker and he pulled out his stethoscope and everything and gave me this look like he is already gone, I knew it then. He asked me to go help direct traffic and I went and was yelling and motioning cars to turn around and then my boyfriend who drove up to the scene went to direct traffic and I went to check on the guy in the last car who wasn't too bad off... I helped the EMT crew get him on the stretcher and went to see if other help was needed.

I know it was recent (i'm not suggesting ptsd but figured this was where I could get the most help). I was really really really shaken up after words and told my boyfriend I didn't want to drive the rest of the day and that I just wanted to cry (which I did a lot and still am). I texted my therapist later that night about it all and he called me the next morning and I see him tomorrow. But well my main problem is I can't get rid of the mental picture in my head, I can't erase what I saw, I can't make it go away. I drive and think how that man looked in his driver seat and I just want to cry. I'm avoiding that section of the road. I don't like driving but I have to... the only thing that helps is distraction with work basically and i'm just not capable of focusing anywhere. any suggestions to one help me close my eyes and not see everything or to help me not think about it? talking and not talking about it hasn't yet seemed to help me.

Thank you for the post. I must say, you acted quickly and out of concern for others; some people would be in shock already to be in that situation.
I would talk with a T about shock and stress; there might be some coping skills you can apply now when the memories are fresh, to diminish their impact or recall later. I don't know; I'm not a psychologist, but I have had PTSD and it lessens with time, the stress. You were on high alert because of the life threatening situation. I would talk it through with a psycDoc or counselor with experience in this area.

[JustWannaDisappear]

Originally Posted by ilisten

On Saturday I was following my boyfriend to drop his car off for his sister and apparently he pulled off the road (I knew where I was going so I wasn't right behind him) to call me because his sister was going to get a ride to meet us at the house for the car. I pulled out how I normally would and stopped at the stop sign to get onto the main road. I heard a Very Loud crash and immediately thought that better of not been him and put my car in park, and flashers on. My phone was buzzing so I pulled it out and saw it was him and answered his call frantically and was like there was just a huge crash i can't get there right now I need to check on these people and I saw all of these other cars calling 911 and I was out of mine and looked at the cars in the wreck thinking are they going to blow up or catch fire, decided no or that i could run from that and ran up to the one SUV and went to start checking on people.

I tossed my phone in my pocket and made sure the 3 people were alert in the SUV with injuries that weren't threatening to their life. This other man that ran out was like you have a phone and I was like yea and i brought it over to him to call 911 to call in trauma codes, i took one look at the guy and that car and new it was either about to be administering life support or he was gone. I yelled to some other helpers to leave the people in the car at the suv and keep them calm and was trying to alert the man in the red car (i've since learned his name and other things but I didn't know them at the time). he wasn't responding and the other man helping didn't feel a pulse and blood was all over. and this other guy was an off duty rescue worker and he pulled out his stethoscope and everything and gave me this look like he is already gone, I knew it then. He asked me to go help direct traffic and I went and was yelling and motioning cars to turn around and then my boyfriend who drove up to the scene went to direct traffic and I went to check on the guy in the last car who wasn't too bad off... I helped the EMT crew get him on the stretcher and went to see if other help was needed.

I know it was recent (i'm not suggesting ptsd but figured this was where I could get the most help). I was really really really shaken up after words and told my boyfriend I didn't want to drive the rest of the day and that I just wanted to cry (which I did a lot and still am). I texted my therapist later that night about it all and he called me the next morning and I see him tomorrow. But well my main problem is I can't get rid of the mental picture in my head, I can't erase what I saw, I can't make it go away. I drive and think how that man looked in his driver seat and I just want to cry. I'm avoiding that section of the road. I don't like driving but I have to... the only thing that helps is distraction with work basically and i'm just not capable of focusing anywhere. any suggestions to one help me close my eyes and not see everything or to help me not think about it? talking and not talking about it hasn't yet seemed to help me.

Please please please talk about this with your therapist as much as you can.

Friday will be 10yrs since my car accident where I hit and killed a pedestrian. It still haunts me to this day. The closer to the anniversary the worse it gets. To top it off... last Thursday a woman dressed in black laid down on the freeway and was hit by several vehicles. I had just seen my therapist the night before and told her how much I've been struggling with the upcoming anniversary and then I turn on the news and hear that.

If you want to talk you can message me. I know all too well.

[likewater]

To ilisten: your therapist may be able to use eft or emdr to process the trauma so it will stop haunting you. I'm sorry you saw that; i'm sorry accident happened in first place.

[likewater]

To justwanttodisappear, how come it's worse every anniversary? Can your T use therapies like emdr or eft to help you alleviate some of the pain? Do you feel guilty? You know it was an accident , right? That' s why they are called accidents. I wish you healing

[unaluna]

You probably were in shock (maybe not strictly speaking medically?) and could have used medical care yourself. They give people beta blockers now to help them with these PTSD type aftereffects. It calms you down and keeps you from really burning the experience into your brain, supposably. See a pdoc too? or a regular doctor? See what your T advises, but I would check it out.

[kasva]

I was in a somewhat similar situation as you were a few years ago.A guy sped into a courthouse brick wall in front of my eyes. He died immediately. In the days and weeks after wards i talked and talked and talked. For me it helped. Getting the visual out of your head......the only thing that worked was time. Now, whenever I'm at that spot where the accident happened i think of that day....but i don't visualize it any more. It's a memory of something very surreal to me. I doubt that I've helped but I hope that all settles down for you soon.....kasva

[ilisten]

Thanks everyone! I've realized a few things in dealing with this. 1 is that I apparently acted in a way many people could not have, I am apparently very good at handling high stress medical situations (or high stress in general). I have realized that I don't regret any of what I did, I work as a nursing assistant and it was hopefully just a once in a life time experience. A few people at the scene did ask me if I was okay, and of course in regards to how others were I said I was fine. . . they knew and I knew. I talked with my therapist. . . he didn't have much to offer but a listening ear that didn't interrupt me or just act like so many others did. I can close my eyes and sleep but I am avoiding that part of the road, driving on the road (which I have to) in general makes me super nervous. I jump at sirens and still get nervous driving but more from other drivers... I hate 2 lane roads! I think those who said it takes time, and lives with you forever are right... and my therapist agreed it is going to take some time. It is just hard to know its not something I feel I have any control over but it takes time. My friends and family have been really good about checking in on me. I'm really happy I have all these people to help me... I just struggle with will driving that road make it all replay... I found out how the people flown out are doing and I'm thankful they are okay. Thanks everyone!

[roads]

Thanks for the update. Give yourself all the time it takes. Somebody (maybe you!) might say it's been long enough at some point--don't believe it! You'll know when it is, but not because anyone (even you) says so.

Take care of yourself. I'm so glad for the friends & family support you've got!

Roadrunner