[toesquasher]

Hi
I thought I'd write and tell a little about myself and the recent happenings in my life. I'm in a wheelchair due to a birth defect. This birth defect has led to 16 surgeries and many invasive procedures. These procedures have caused mental/emotional pain from which I'm trying to recover. Add to that the idea that I may have been sexually abused as a child. What it leaves is a whole big mess. I was all set to finally make a police report (and I did) when I found out from my Mom that the perpetrator could not have done those things that my mind said he did. That there may be other people involved as well. And that, more than likely, my PTSD and DID were triggered by the many invasive medical procedures I've endured throughout my life. Now, I'm not saying it couldn't happen, but why would I have the images in my head that I do if nothing actually happened? Would exposure to invasive medical procedures as a child be enough to cause the PTSD?
Also, I wanted to ask about PTSD itself. Does anyone share this experience? I'm so hypervigilant that I actually scare myself sometimes. I get startled so very easily that a significant pause in conversation can cause anxiety about whether the speaker is going to startle me when they resume speaking......Anything at all sudden can startle me. Even when I know it's coming, it still startles me. As a result of this startle response I've thrown things, broken things, slapped people and induced full-on panic attacks in myself. Anyone who's got any experiences in this is welcomed to respond.......
Toesquasher

[Open Eyes]

(((((toesquasher))))))

I sounds like you have been through a lot. That is a lot of surgery and did you get anesthesia every time? It truely takes time to get over anethesia and surgery can be like experiencing a trama in itself. I have had three surgeries myself and they each left me disoriented for a few months, one major surgery took me almost a year to truely get over.

The one big surgery where I was in the hospital almost two weeks, that was a lot of poking and proding and IV's. At one point I had truely had enough and was very sensitive and even angry. I think that our bodys can say, enough sometimes, and it is a different kind of trama. Yes, it can make one hypersensitve and I would think that things that happen suddenly can startle. I think that when we get poked and proded from surgerys it is sudden here and there procedure, many that happen first thing in the morning, waking up to a sudden presence of a nurse wanting blood or a doctor checking etc.

I don't know about your feelings of being abused when you were young, I never really experienced false memores. Perhaps you are merely relating to early surgical procedures that made you feel invaded somehow.

Trama is trama and can present some Post tramatic stress. How long have you been experiencing this? It is not uncommon to become sensitive for a time and slowly recover too.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

[33yankee33]

Hi Toesquasher. I definitely relate to your hypervigilance. My trauma is childhood (1 1/2-17 years) sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. For years I was so on edge than something like hearing the slightest creak of the door make me freeze then tense up. I suffered frequent anxiety attacks.

I don't know what would cause you to have false memories but, but I know that false memories are quite common. The invasive procedure and surgeries could well be the source of your trauma.

I want you to know that it's possible to heal, especially with the help of a therapist. I suffered 15 1/2 years of horrible abuse and I am so free of it now! I don't have flashbacks. I'm not hypervigilant. At 46, I am a bipolar, schitzoaffective, PTSD woman who is happy and, mostly, carefree. So hang in there.