[AngelWolf3]

Ok. So I actually talked about it with my therapist. It was weird. Like I didn't feel anything while talking about it (I was able to block out all emotion, which was strange. ) It was like I was writing a police report. Anyway, afterwards, I was all shaky cause I guess I had been holding my breath while talking, and then, when I started to breathe again, I think I had a mild panic attack? I seriously couldn't breathe, and my chest hurt, and I really wanted to run away but I couldn't, then got really cold and hot at the same time and thought I was going to pass out.

Yay fun. I want to work on feelings and stuff, but really don't want to have to go through another experience like that. Of course, the therapist was really supportive and all, so I felt safe there, but will this pass in time? I hope so. I was so messed up and exhausted afterwards too.

Guess I just needed to 'vent'ish about it. I am trying not to invalidate this by saying that I feel stupid and weak for all this happening...but I really feel like that. Like I should be over it. Yarg. (my pirate-ism for the day)

[Open Eyes]

(((Wolfin))),

What you experienced is normal when you let things out. It DOES feel awkward and sometimes YES it comes out without emotions and what you felt afterward was also very normal.

Does it ever get better? Yes, because after a while you get more comfortable letting things out, and even the emotions coming out are ok as well.

I almost always feel exhausted after a session with my T too. But my T always validates me, reminds me that what I am dealing with is a part of the disorder, that how I struggle is VERY COMMON and that I will get stronger with time.

There is always a part of me that is still in disbelief that this disorder exists and I have it. I do get frustrated often, yesterday was such a challenge for me, I was so glad I called my T and he walked me through that awful flashback and also talked to my husband. I feel terrible that I can't talk to my sister, that I don't know how to say to her, what I have is real and sorry, but I can't truely talk to you because you severely trigger me.

As bad as it was for me the past few days, and even yesterday, I have greatly improved from last year. I wish I could just say, I HAVE PTSD, and other people would understand it like they do when someone breaks their leg and truely cannot walk for a while.

Just keep on going to therapy, know that what you experience emotionally and the wonders that you express here, are what pretty much all who struggle through PTSD say and struggle through.

Just feel free to ask and get support, you are not alone here. Just so you know (((I sigh a lot myself))), that is normal to struggling through this disorder as well.

(((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

[PiperLeigh]

I want to say that what you feel is normal. The day I have talked about aspects of what happened either with my T or mentor, I usually feel relieved immediately afterward. But then the next day I end up feeling absolutely horrible, and yes, exhausted like you mentioned. I try to really try hard to take that time to work on my coping skills (for me it's taking very long walks, listening to calming (not sad) music, and practicing breathing exercises). Within a few days, I am usually feeling a little better. Talking about it with someone that can help you process what happened is the right thing to do. You are NOT weak or stupid. It takes courage to work up to talking about the difficult things and you've already demonstrated that you have that courage. This is a process- a hard process that we have to work through. Yes, you'll need encouragement to get you through the hard times. But you came here and asked for it, so I think that demonstrates you are pretty smart. Hang in there. No magic, quick fixes, but you're taking the right steps.

[AngelWolf3]

Thank you for your replies! It is good to know and I also wish you both well in your journeys too!

[Miss Jade]

Yes, your reaction was normal. So don't worry that you had some kind of abnormal reaction. Not feeling emotions when talking about trauma - I guess it's a way of self-protection? I don't have all the answers, but I understand. And want to let you know, you're brave for even talking about it. Well done. Hope things get easier for you. x

((((Wolfin)))) As soon as I start talking about mildly disturbing things, I start feeling dizzy and lightheaded and "outside of myself"

(I'm not ready to even breathe a word about the BIG stuff; although she knows all of it from my intake "novel")

The first time I had all of those reactions it lead to a panic attack and I freaked out in front of her. It was the first time I'd actually ever had a panic / anxiety attack in front of someone. Meh. I was soo embarrassed

She was awesome about it and reassured me that we were fine, the foundation was still there, trust was alive and well.

Since then, she recognizes the signs immediately (when I do start panicking) and "brings me back" by stopping me, and we do deep breathing exercises and meditation so I can return to the present.

Also, if we do talk about feelings, she senses when I am getting uncomfortable or feeling out of sorts - and she instructs me to stop talking and to just sit with my feelings for a bit (I have a tendency to talk OVER my feelings, essentially pulling a "if I talk fast enough and keep going I won't feel ... (fill in the blank) feeling").

We do it enough now where it's more of a reminder than an instruction

I do recall in the past when I discussed past trauma. In reliving the specific event, I was speaking in a very monotone way similar to what you were describing.

You are not alone, Matey! (my pirate-ness back at you )

((((Rose))))