[georgianchic22]

I was adopted at 6 years old. It is a long story, but I was severely abused, mentally, physically, and sexually (by my birth mom, her bf, my 2 sisters, and brother). I can't sleep, I keep thinking about the past, I am so scared of the dark, of night....I am paranoid someone is going to hurt me, rape me, rob me...anything bad. I hate walking by myself, I always make sure all my windows and doors are locked (even in my bedroom)....I am so paranoid but I can't help it. It is such a huge burden put on me. I have so many nightmares and am becoming miserable! I am going to therapy now, but I don't see how this will help. they may be able to tell me techniques of how to stay calm, but they can't take it away. I always tell family and friends my experiences made me stronger, but it didn't! I am tired of lying to myself, to everyone around me. I wish that I could put the people who abused me away forever. i wish justice could be served, but it will never be. It happened in the Republic of Georgia (country), and there is nothing I can do about it now. In addition, the agency that I was adopted from didn't even tell my parents my background. I am very upset about how things were done, and just wish I could forget it all.

[Open Eyes]

(((georgianchic 22)))

I see you are new here to PC, welcome and you are not alone here, there are others who feel the same way and there is a lot of good support here.

I am so sorry that you had such a troubled past my friend, you certainly didn't deserve that.

I know is seems like a waste of time in therapy at first. They ususally start with the grounding and self soothing methods and you are right those do not take away the memories or flashbacks, but these methods ARE important to learn and practice as you move forward in therapy.

Yes, I know you want to forget and you never expected to have this dam disorder that now challenges you, me too.

I have been working at this disorder for over a year now, and last year was real bad.
My therapist kept telling me that I can get better, but it sure didn't feel like it last year. However, even though I am still struggling and do experience bad days, and lets face it, being lonely, I have noticed that I HAVE BEEN IMPROVING.

Please keep coming and sharing with us here. I can't say enough how much PC has been a life saver for me. It is just so nice to be able to talk with others who experience the same symptoms and struggles, but who also gain ground too.

You need to do a lot of talking my friend, just letting things out and getting validated and comforted and yes, understood as well. It just seems to take so much power out of the flashbacks and emotional struggles. It does take time and there are going to be bad days, even bad thoughts, but with time and work, that WILL change SLOWLY.

You can come here anytime and vent, share, cry and tell your story. We are all good listeners and none of us will invalidate you. We know the struggle and we all help each other work our way through.

(((((Welcoming Hugs to you my friend)))))
Open Eyes