Triggered ... in one of my few "safe" places...PC :( - may trigger

Triggering words/terms used

As of late, I am feeling very triggered here on PC it is not a matter of simply using the block feature. I realize it is my responsibility to manage my feelings ... but when I am struggling and feeling fearful or unsafe, I come here.

I get a lot of support here and feel safe. I am so grateful xx...but the negatives are outweighing the positives right now.

I feel as if everywhere I go (in the areas I am working on, looking for support and input, guidance and sometimes just some validation), there it is

I feel unsafe and offended and insulted. Degraded and frustrated. I want to write something unsupportive and angry, dismissive and short-tempered, but I know that is not constructive or helpful.

But I feel as if this forum has been hijacked, and i cant get away...i try to be a positive, hopeful person, we usually can/do really help each other, but I feel as though the situation has me trapped. I actually feel helpless. I want to say, "get away! Go away! Leave us alone! You are hurting me! Please just leave!" But I cant. That is not what we are about here. But I feel as if I have a very unwanted visitor in my home.

Associated words that immediately come to mind:

Creepy, stalkerish, scary, desperate, predator, assault, out of control, rage, brick wall, cant get away, trapped, smothered, seriously unwell and dangerous...

I dont want to leave here, but I feel as if this town aint big enough...

Can someone please help me...I cant think of any tools. I just really want this to stop.

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I of course being a worry wart always look and make sure I haven't posted anything of which you are speaking, and I don't think I have...but I also don't know all of your situation...? I hope that whoever it is will take a look at what's going on and maybe change something?

I think it is good that you were able to post about it and get your feelings out there...

I am not good with coping tools. I am so sorry. Usually I post here too and play the games here when I am stressed, but if the source is PC, I don't know!!

I wish you nothing but good thoughts, and hopes that this issue will go away...

Please let me know how you are doing.

(((Rose))) i'm sorry if i have triggered you i'm sorry i babble. i have been wondering if i am more a hinder than help some times.

PC is a mixed lot of personas, all texts on a page that sometimes can be miss read if not knowing that persona a little

sometimes taking a small break can be helpful as well for some.

i hope you well and good thoughts your way

Hey Rose Maybe you could mention some specifics....either here or to the mods/admin. Yu don't have to name names, just a clearer idea of what is going on. I hear your distress but I don't understand the source.

(((Rose))) - I'm sorry you're triggered ATM and not feeling safe. I know the ignore feature doesn't help everyone (me for one) but it does help some - you can ignore the person and you can also hide a particular forum. I hope you feel better soon but we would miss you so don't leave.

Hi Rose

I think I know what you mean and beauflow I am pretty sure Rose doesn't mean you ((((hugs))))

If it is what I think you mean I can't help but read the posts and I do feel the same as you, I feel anger rage every emotion really, I then step into the game section and distract a little. I am starting to think that this person is on the wind up tbh

I know I'm new but I how you feel comfy again soon, Rose.

(((Rose))),

Gee I hope I am not putting too much out in the forums and triggering you. This past week I have been overwhelmed and venting it out and I hope I am not triggering others when I vent. If that is the case I will make sure I don't vent so much. I try to do most of that with my T but he is on vacation right now.

Last year I was triggered a lot and I actually felt just like you are discribing in you post here. And after giving it a lot of thought I realized that if someone was triggering me, there must be something I need to work on or see that I am not seeing in myself. And to be honest there were things about the triggers that brought out some things, things I had not addressed yet in therapy as well. And in some ways I am glad that happened here verses IRL because it helped me face certain things better IRL that these triggers were about.

However, I have to admit that there are certain forums or topics I tend to stay away from. One forum I have only visited very few times is the depression forum. I honestly can't read the minatra of sayings that are presented in that forum, it is not healthy for me to be honest. Current affairs, I often skip if it is too much doom and gloomdom. And as far as the relationship forum, certain threads involve situations that trigger me and I skip over them.

As a whole though I have had my fair share of bad in my life, I keep problem solving and look for ways past whatever situation I am in that is troubling me. If someone is struggling to open up, I will lay myself out and how I was in that place too and how I worked through it or maybe what I finally learned it meant that is not just me but many and as alone as things may seem sometimes, there are many that have struggled that way too, and found a way past it.

I think for myself, I have a puzzle going on that is just stumping me and I have not quite seen my way past it. But you and other members have helped me by recognizing that it is a difficult puzzle I am in. Well, that is better than having people around that don't want to see that it is a challenge.

Rose, you are a problem solver and you want to push forward in your life. So if you come to PC and come across members that interfere with that, then you need to first make sure if the trigger is not something that is overall pushing you down that you may not realize you deal with anyway or, if the trigger is just something that is counter productive to you like a negetive minatra.

Also, if you put yourself out there with an opinion and someone comes at you with a criticism about what you say, how do you react? I dealt with this issue not so long ago myself. And it kept happening to me and I kept trying to either ignore it or hint something about how I didn't care for being targeted somehow. I even tried to say in a round about way, here is how I am hurting and why so will you lay off? And that didn't work either. And guess what, that happens to me IRL ALOT. But IRL, I can come right out with how someone is irritating me or not being nice, usually. But unless I do it in a PM here, I can't really do that. And the problem with a PM is that if someone is a threat and poking at me, in a PM they can abuse me and I have already experienced that here, so no thank you.

But when that happened to me, it drew out the trigger so much that I addressed it in therapy and I even had a few other members notice it too. I even copied it and showed it to my T who pointed out that the other person didn't like me because I am a very "huggy person" and that other person was probably abused and told it was love. And that was something that had never crossed my mind. And further more, that was one of the round about reasons why my sister was jealous of me. I was always warm and friendly and I learned to talk to others and help them feel comfortable. My sister never learned how to do that, and she felt threatened by me, and she was jealous. Well there is a lot more to it than that, but that was the "just" of it.

So, Rose, depending on "what" triggers you here, if it is someone that criticizes something you have said and it bothers you, learn from it. If it is feeling like too many "negetive" manatras, stay away from it altogether. Just focus on whatever does help you and supports you.

Actually one of my favorite posters was TheByzantine because he posted some very interesting studies and positive articles to think about. And I like these kinds of threads because it was all about "food for thought".

(((Hugs and I am sorry if I am one that triggers you in some way)))
Open Eyes

Hi Rose... I'm sorry you have felt this way recently. I hope I've not ever said anything to upset you. I do try to be supportive to a person reaching out. I've seen some posts that it is almost impossible to believe they were not meaning to hurt somebody, but I like to ask them to clarify what they mean in a post. If they intended to be mean, it puts them on the spot, if they did not put their thoughts down well, it gives them a chance to put things right.

I'm still pretty new here and I like most of what I've seen so far

I really appreciate your posts...thoughts, feelings, input... I really appreciate the opportunity to share and express my fears and receive support and validation. I am a better person because of my friends here on PC xx

Many many thanks.

i do hope you feel safe again soon rose.

you are nice to have around the forums

((((SS))))....

Rose I feel so bad for you. I hope I have not contributed to your emotional highs and lows. I know I carry a lot of baggage and often dump it and drop it in inappropriate places. I do know what you mean though. I Think. Sometimes I feel like I have to take a break from PC. Because I am moving forwards and reading some of the posts keep me stuck where I am or even have me moving backwards. I have to have contact and then rely heavily on PM' s (that's not pms that's what it looks like)

When you come to such forums - you need to consider this - triggered is sometimes hard to avoid.

I agree with open eyes - you see - therapy is meant for you to FACE triggers and start feeling comfortable about them... so yes - like open eyes said - it just means that you - like those who rant and say those things that trigger you - have more to work on...

If you mean personal insults then it is a whole different thing.

Rose - I am new to these boards as far as coming forward to write, but not to reading them. I am sure I know who you are referring to. While I am not exactly triggered by this person, I certainly am deeply angered by what I have read. I did report the person to the mods and expressed my concern to them as I feel the person is abusing the board members on some level, and not taking the advice they say they desire seriously. I hope, that the mods have been in touch with this person and can talk some sense into them.

My best to you. May you find some comfort in knowing others feel the same as you and that you are not alone.

...because i know the surprise that comes along with coming to a place with people like you - expecting to be safe and understood - hoping at last - and finding discomfort, fear, disappointing - and still there is hope that make us reach out and post about it - that those who hurt us understand and care. Regret, make new decisions.

If you say it was an offensive person i see - what you are talking about - i saw many offensive people in the forums and in chat as well. This does anger me and i once reached to moderators as well. I think the more people do that the more others will consider their words...

*sighs* its very hard to feel safe.

Some people mean it and some don`t and some mean it subconsciously - at least Dr. John is a Doctor a psychiatrist or a psychologist. A board that deals with people like ALL OF US - needs professionalism.

I hope that your reaching out created some new restriction to this board. There are some rules about suicide posts, goodbye posts, etc. I feel for your and for them for the hardship. I responded to you because i can fully identify with feeling unsafe wherever ...

Hi Rose I'm so glad you were able to speak up or write up. That makes you stronger than I was last year, I just stopped coming for a year, so did the member I PMed a lot and he still hasn't come back I do miss him. I missed PC and I don't think you should have to so if it continues I hope you will go to a moderator and tell them of who you mean perhaps they are not aware and just need a gentle prod from one of our moderators?

That said I do hope the last few days I've not said anything triggering for you or anyone else. I usually moderate myself well and use the icons to warn, but I've been angry at something that happened over the weekend and feeling ranty and selfish. Your post is a reminder to us all we need to consider everyone of us when we post here, not just how we ourselves feel.

Hope you feel better Rose

((((Side)))) I hope you are feeling a lil better. If there is anything I can do, please let me know xx

It was so hard for me to post that...I felt so stuck.

I couldnt name a particular member because it isnt in line with forum policies. I tried to communicate with the person that ( I felt) was hijacking the site with extreme negativity, rage, hatred, blame, frustration and not taking any responsibility at all...it became triggering for me because I felt as if the vitriol toward women would never stop.

I cant change anyone but myself...so it seemed like the only thing left to do was to leave. But I really didnt want to, though, so that is why I posted the sos. I also reported my concerns to the mods ...to what seemed like no avail.

What makes me sad is that many of the members here that I hold very dear to my heart were worried I was writing of them... and it was absolutely not that. I cherish the connections we have made. PC has been a lifesaver for me xx

I hope enough members reported so he is gone now...I would never want anyone to leave and hope that as a team we could help someone in their struggles, but when it gets abusive, destructive, argumentative hurtful and hateful, I feel it defeats the purpose of why we are here.

Luv, R

it did kind of take over the whole forum. like a screaming kid in a nice restaurant. everything just came to a screeching halt. people walked out. you couldn't carry on a normal conversation, you forgot what you were talking about. I mean really, it was like the boat just stopped in the middle of the ocean. that's how it felt to me.

((((Hank)))) I see what you mean...i wish it hadnt affected me the way it did *sigh*

S** mixed with raging tantrum-like frustration was bringing up bad memories for me I know I still have work to do.

Rose Thank you---I felt that way because I have been all over the site the last couple of days, posting a lot... for me. In 2yrs I've not yet made 500 posts(of course taking a yr off...).

However I now get the feeling from the posts here that I probably missed this angry child who was having a tantrum, and he is either cooling off or gone. Hopefully he will learn. I admire your strength, in trying to communicate with someone clearly so negative and angry. A both terrifying and exhausting thing to contempulate to me.

Yes I do feel better, Thank you. there is something so increadably lifting about PC. At first it was a rant post about the weekend, then general stuff, and gradually I started giving feedback. There is some thing healing in that process.

(((Rose)))
I'm so sorry you have been triggered and feel or felt unsafe. I have been there and can relate. Sometimes in posts people may accidently trigger others, I'm sure I have accidently done this myself.
Open once told me triggers mean something. I do believe this, it is very hard to deal with at the time they happen. I suppose it takes some time to figure out the "whys"...of the trigger.
When this occurs I will normally try to read PC articles as oppossed to staying in the forums/chat rooms . There are some good articles on this site.
I personally do not block people (I thankfully haven't needed to) however there are certain forums I do not visit by choice.
I hope you are feeling safer and a little better. I'm sorry you were hurt. Bad days do come......it's working for the good days thats tough.
Hugs,
Cotton

Thanks so much ((((Cotton)))). I got thru it with the help of my friends here. I truly hope I can be as good a friend and source of support as you all are to me.
With much love and gratitude,
R