[Stuckinarut23]

A little over a year ago my best friend sense I was 4 passed away (I am now in my mid 20s) I was there when she passed she drowned while we were swimming at a lake. I don't remember much that happens that day there were 11 of us swimming at a lake grilling out having an awesome time sitting on floaters and relaxing and then out of no where she went under to swim back to the dock and didnt come back up after 1 min of realizing she wasn't coming up we called the police but they couldn't get to her and then 45 min later they found her and took her to the hospital and tried to revive her but she was already gone I now have dreams about that day but they are always diffrent to the point that I don't know what one is real I sometimes have one where I am talking to one friend and then I glance over and see a distressed look on her face but I just turn around and keep talking I now feel like there was something I missed like I could have seen signs to stop this from happening even on that day it started pooring down rain at one point and the sky went black and I am scared of storms so I wanted to leave but she said she wanted to stay and then 15 min later the sky was clear and we all jumped back in the water and were laying out on our floaters and then it happened prob 30min later I feel like this event happening changed the whole way my life turned out I had a baby a year after and it was because I think I was trying to fill a hole I had my baby with my boyfriend of 4 years who was also there at the time of my friends death so he was also going through morning as well but now I am extremely depressed and moody and I feel like I have no one in the world except for my baby and that the father didn't do anything to help me and it has been 3 months and all I do is cry at night and can't sleep the only reason I am happy in the day time is because of my baby

[AngelWolf3]

I am so sorry to hear of what happened to you. I am glad, though that you have your baby to help you be happy...I don't have any great words to tell you, just that I am sending hugs your way. It is hard to lose someone very close to you. I hope time will help...although sometimes, it seems that takes forever too.

[Open Eyes]

Oh sweetheart, I am so sorry that you experienced that. And how you have been struggling with this experience is very normal for all human beings that experience something quick and tramatic like that experience. We are supposed to "learn" from the things that we experience in our lives, it is how we are just designed. But in a situation like this, there is an unknown of "why" that happened to your friend. And to date no one has given an answer for this tradgedy.

What you are doing when you have bad dreams or begin to think about how that situation may not have happened if you just had.... is all normal to how we try to find some kind of "resolve". However we cannot go back and change what happened, we have to find a way to "accept" the experience and get to a point where we "continue on" in our lives. That is always a challenge when we do not have the "reasons" for a tragic event that resulted in losing someone we know.

The emptyness you feel is "fear" and a sense of loss that you have not been able to refill. And that is very hard for anyone to find a way to get past. What you "do" have to find your way to accepting is that this event happened and you are in no way responsible for this loss. You have to find your way towards finally telling yourself that there was and is nothing you can do to change what happened, it was beyond your control. That is very hard to accept as we all want to feel we have "control" in our lives and that we can learn ways to keep ourselves "safe" and "protected".

We all have to learn that we have to accept that our lives and the lives of others have a different length of time to be in the present. We learn to live our lives each and every day, keep allowing ourselves to learn and grow and just live out our lives. If we choose to love others we also must realize that is something that we do in a celebration of that other person's life and that for that time we do have with that other person, we do give quality to that other person's life.

What you need to remember is that friend that you lost did have you as a friend and got to experience your friendship in her life. You had no way of "controling" any other other part of that friend's life other than the fact that you were her friend and did care about her. Know that life is fagile and in that keep doing your best to enjoy your life and love your child and keep growing. That is what that friend would have wanted for you as well.

(((Hugs)))

Open Eyes