[yeliab12]

I have PTSD from my past relationship. Sexual abuse. Emotional abuse. Unfaithful as well. That's the summary.

Right now I'm struggling to make it through. Today I hit so many triggers and my boyfriend wasn't even around. I know I'm over-analyzing, but I just just don't want to be betrayed and left in the dark. I just want to be loved, that's my problem.

I've been in this relationship for 1 1/2 years and just recently it hit me that I have A LOT of trust issues. I mean, I obsess, constantly think about it. I have bad dreams. This is just abnormal. Right now I'm having one of my "episodes".

My friend who lives in the apartment below my boyfriend told me today that I needed to thank him for dinner last night. He went down to give her some old food was throwing out. You know what that means in my mind...

And she always has people over and they're up to no good, doing drugs and drinking. I just hope he didn't do that.

I asked him last night what he did and he didn't mention anything about going to her apartment.

Anyway, I know I shouldn't worry. I know it's my mind acting up because they are like brother and sister. She's also into someone else too.

I just get so bad at times that I want to just end the relationship so I don't have to face it and it's too hard. haha

I know these triggers are going to be going off frequently now because I am on my way of conquering my PTSD. When this happens and I'm not near a laptop or a piece of paper to vent, how do I cope or get over it in that moment?


I know this was kind of all over the place, but I just put all of my thoughts and emotions on here.

[Open Eyes]

You need to give yourself some time to understand how your last relationship affected your inner messages to yourself, about your self worth. Abusers can really mess that up and it takes time to unravel the mess they make. You "can" work through it and make gains, it unfortunately just doesn't happen quickly.

You have to keep reminding yourself that this is not the same guy, and work on slowly letting go of "fearing trust".

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes