[maryjains fiance]

my fiance has nightmares about being sexually abused, she's terrified of going to crowded places bc she thinks she will be kidnapped and raped...she takes meds but they don't really help. how can i make her feel better?

[beauflow]

(((maryjains fiance)))

Does your fiance have a therapist they can talk to as well with the meds?

As far as you, you can not fix anything for her-
being by her side, listening and being patient with her, and learn a little about PTSD and about PTSD Supporters Tips as well may be helpful for the both of you
here is a quick link that I googled- seems to have some good things in it
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/...ws/view/943046

[stlblue]

Be present, patient and gentle....

[Open Eyes]

She needs to be in therapy, and this is going to take her a while to understand and slowly work through. You will need to talk to her T too, and you will have to be very patient with her. This is a very difficult challenge for her. You can't fix her, it is something she has to with the help of a therapist.

However, you can always come here and vent or ask questions, we will be more than willing to support you in every way we can.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by maryjains fiance

my fiance has nightmares about being sexually abused, she's terrified of going to crowded places bc she thinks she will be kidnapped and raped...she takes meds but they don't really help. how can i make her feel better?

I cant say whether she needs more treatment like therapy meds/change of meds and other treatment options. only she and her treatment providers know what she needs in the way of treatment..

your statement that her meds are not working for her.. again I cant say what to do about that because only she and her treatment providers can decide treatment options...

but as her fiance you can .....suggest... to her that she might want to check in with her treatment providers about her meds.

as her fiance you can also see to it that any time you and she are together your plans do not include situations where she would be in crowds.. that not saying you two cant participate in social gatherings and go places together.. just that for the time being give her the social planner /activity planner so to speak and let her tell you what she is capable of doing or not doing.. maybe she would be more comfortable the two of you inviting a few trusted guest over for dinner / a night of cards/board games or other social functions she thinks shes able to do.

you might also want to check with her about her core beliefs ie why does she fear being sexually abused? did she know someone who was? was she raised in an environment where this fear was instilled upon her? Did a talk at school frighten her when she was a child /teen?

also maybe you can keep in mind that many survivors of sexual abuse go through the trauma and then have no memory of the trauma.. here in NY we have something called "delayed discovery" laws to cover situations where survivors of sexual abuse have mentally forgotten the abuse and then as an adult start having nightmares and panic attacks, which led to their remembering the childhood trauma they went through. there may be a possibility that she was sexually abused. (this is not a diagnosis just a statement that this is what happens to some people) and if so theres nothing you can do. you cant spped up her memory or recovery. its her process.

as her fiance you can also choose to enter your own therapy and treatment for help with dealing with her and her social phobia/fear of being sexually abused.

my point is all you can do is take care of your self and let her take care of her and let her lead the way when it comes to social situations.

[Lauru]

Be loving and kind, and most importantly, understanding, even when you really don't understand it. No matter what she says or how weird it is, let her know she is still a normal, beautiful, smart, etc woman and that you love her very much. That's what I would wish for, and which I never got from either of my 2 relationships.