[Evangelista]

I don’t know how many can relate to this occurrence…but I have been told that I need to have a surgery, in that a General Anesthesia will need to be administered. I have a terrible fear of being a patient in a hospital, revolves around several issues…but having to submit to General Anesthesia…I don’t know..it is a phobic reaction of some sort..I would risk my health and perhaps my life rather than have to go under….I know this relates to my only Surgery, a Cesarean section that was done over 27 years ago…they rushed me in for an emergent c-section and after they had me count down under the mask..I was out all of a second..suddenly I was completely aware of the operating room environment, the sounds, the feelings around my body…the Surgeon asked if I was out, the surgeon then turned on some music to listen to, they started talking about what they had planned for the weekend, I heard instruments rattling on trays…I couldn’t move, I was paralyzed but was hearing and feeling everything..he made the incision after stating “let’s get this baby out” ..it burned like h*** at that point I was screaming so much in my head..I tried so hard to move anything as they continued the surgery, concentrating on my hands, then my thumb anything ..anything.. to make them stop, but nothing would move…finally they lifted my daughter out I felt the pressure of her weight being lifted from my body, then they started to clean and close…I could not stand it..Finally I heard the doctor state very startled…”look at her pressures”…then I heard a voice next to me..must have been the Anesthesiologist say “ Oh my God”.mumbled a few inaudible comments, .then suddenly I was out..blackness..I did not say anything to anyone while I was in the hospital, but on my first visit with the Surgeon…I spoke to him about what had happened..he got very defensive and stated he was surprised I had remembered what had happened because they had given me a strong medication that was suppose to induce Amnesia…I wasn’t trying to blame him or anyone else..I think he just felt helpless that it had occurred..I just needed to talk to someone, I was so scared…but I think I would rather be dead before ever.. ever.. going thru the agony of being tortured unable to move when someone is operating on you….

The Anesthesiology Association published an Article in their Association Magazine in April of 06…stating that there are certain procedures were intraoperative awareness has a higher rate of occurrence..these surgeries are Cesarean Sections, Heart Surgery, and Trauma Surgeries….I don’t know what to do…I cant overcome my terror of going under..they stated that have better tools out that monitor brain wave activities…but crap..how can I know for sure..

I have had another experience where sedation did not work, the same thing happened I was told I would be sedated for many hours during a transport where they had to use restraints and they wanted me out for the trip, but a few moments later, when I was being loaded by medical staff, I was wide awake, feeling paniced..and I was very traumatized by that experience too….and I don’t know..I have been told this may have something to do with the Trauma background from childhood and how the brain rewires itself..but now I am like a rabid animal when it comes to sedation…I don’t want anyone to touch me or come near me with the issue…any advice or other Survivors of this type of Trauma, and how they are dealing with it?

[EJ711]

Evangelista,

I am so sorry you went through this. I see your surgeon's response as fear that you would sue him and the hospital. I know you just needed someone to talk about this with.

Would the surgery they want to yo have now fall outside the three procedures, with the highest occurrence of intraoperative awareness?

Maybe you could find out which hospitals have the best equipment to ensure this doesn't happen again.

When I had foot surgery in July 2004, the anesthesiologist specifically lifted my hospital gown to stare at my breasts, shortly before surgery. The surgery itself had a very poor outcome, and resulted in my having foot pain for almost two years. I just had surgery to remove the pinched nerve caused by the first round a month ago. I had so much extra anxiety, b/c of the anesthesiologist from last time.

Feel free to PM me.

Let us know how you're feeling.

Hugs,

EJ

I go through yearly endoscopy and colonoscopies for my cancer and a part of that is being under anestesia. Let them know right away that that situation happened. That way they will know right away what medication they need to use.

Also let them know you have DID. just like a person reacts one way when fully aware and then when dissociated they act out the memory that happens with medication too. I can go to the dentist and end up having 5 different novacane and so on shots because I have switched from one memory piece to another.

For example I get the shot and something triggers me into the mary memories. The mary memories does not contain a memory of being numbed so I react to the pain associating the pain of getting a filling or root canal with the pain that is with in that memory. So the dentist gives me a second shot. Some time goes by and the drill triggers me into yet another memory piece that does not contain recieving medication as a part of that memory and so I react to the drilling by acting out the associated memory. On goes another shot, This can go on for the whole dental appointment - me switching from memory piece to memory piece and reacting to the pain because my body has switched to the heart beat, breathing rate, pain level and so on that is contained within the memory that got triggered into replaying. At first the dentist had no idea that I was DID so they had no idea how to treat me and were afraid to over medicate me. Basically I had them totally stumped and nervious to treat me. When I disclosed I had DID my dentist checked with the other dentists in that agency and found one that had a sister who has DID. She explained to him what DID was and that he needed to keep medicating every time I switched otherwise I would be associating the present day pain with the past painful experiences and that anything can trigger me into switching. So his dental assistant kept the syringes filled and available and he medicated and the procedure got done. The comical part was that for a week after that appointment every time I switched into any memory pieces that I had switched into at the dentist I talked like I had a frozen mouth for about 15 minutes. I now see the dentist with a DID sister as my permanent dentist. I take a notbook and pen so that I can write while the procedures are going on. if I start getting floaty I let her know so that we can stop for a second or two so that I can ground myself. I also take my own music and walkman and listen to that during the procedures.

My therapist and I let the gastroenterologist know that I have DID and he lets me bring my walkman and music into the procedure room and listen to it while I am being anestisized. That way I don't go through a switch during that part of the procedure. They also have a woman attendant for me.

Basically I have found that as long as the professionals know that I am DID I don't have a problem during the procedures because they have a chance to cover all their bases of should this problem happen we are gonig to do this and this and this kind of thing.

It also helped alot to have SKR go with me. That way we could work on problem areas before actually doing the procedures.

[EJ711]

Myself,

That is an amazing story.

I'm sorry I didn't realize you were suffering from cancer. Has it been awhile?

Hugs,

EJ

[Evangelista]

((Myself)) ((EJ))

Thank you for the support and for sharing, I have heard of what you stated Myself, the DID Therapists in the Group I attend, have explained that the dissociative processes do cause physiological changes to occur..some alters need glasses, others don’t..the dental issues you explained were mentioned too..people do have problems with sedation as you described when they switch..it is just a very scary occurrence..so I am glad that you found someone that treats you appropriately…and EJ that is so horrid to have a professional do this to you..I think being a patient when were ill, is a most vulnerable period of time, and it is wrong for someone to take advantage of you like that..I am sorry you had to go thru that..

Again, thank you both…Myself.. my T has volunteered to be there for the surgery, which is very really reaffirming, and even the group I attend asked maybe if I could have the surgery in the town where they are located in so they can be of support..and I really appreciate it..this kind of fear..its like being buried alive..how are they really going to know..I think I would prefer to be awake and have them hear me screaming....I know that sounds really bad….but I am just very reactive with this..sorry..

[bebop]

Evangelista I saw a show on the medical channel about this same thing happening! Let them know you have been thru this situation and they can now leave one arm not paralyzed so you can let them know you are still awake if you are. I will keep you in my prayers

[(JD)]

Your T will go and support you???? Take him up on the offer!!!

[hillbunnyb]

your t will go with you???? WoW.
I have read about awake surgery patients. If that isn't a worst fear, I don't know what is..... and YOU survived it.
good luck with your current challenges.

[(JD)]

If your T will assist you with hypnotherapy, regardless of whether any anesthesia medication works or not, the hypnosis would. I've used it, without a T nearby! Good wishes.

Thanks EJ

I was diagnosed with Mucosis Associate Lymphcytic Tissue Lymphoma (M.A.L.T. Lymphoma) in 2002. The doctor treating me call me and tell me that I had lymphoma, we caught t early so its noting to worry about. So thenI called some family members who are in the medical profession and asked them what lymphoma was and they told me it was cancer and to call the doctor back with a list of questions that they wanted me to ask him. The doctors nurse was shocked that I was able to get accurate detailed information as to what lymphoma was. She got the doctor on the phone. He told me I had stage 1 and this kind of cancer people have a 50 - 50 chance of remission the first time around so he wanted to wait until it progressed to the next stage. He said why charge the medical card now lets wait. I told him where to put it and I would be glad to forward his respose to the medical licensing board and also told him if he was not willing to treat me since cancer runs in my family and I have family members who are in the medical profession I do know how to get treatment elsewhere and gave him the address of a cancer treatment facility in another state where he could forward my file to my family member there. Then I hung up on him. 15 minutes later he called and told me what medication was needed at this stage and he would gladly give me the treatment needed. But not to get my hopes up, or down its still 50 -50. three months later I was in remission. and have remained there. This doctor says I can consider myself cured but yet has me come in for yearly endoscopies and colonoscopies. My family member with the cancer unit in another state says lymphoma is like leukemia. no cure but it can be held in remission indeffinately which is why I am still required to have the procedures for biopsies every year. The doctor knows from seeing my physicans file that I have a mental problem so he is probably thinking he is saving me undue mental anguish by saying I can consider myself cured. the family member also told me most cancer specialists say with ANY cancer the odds go up on being cured if the person holds the remission for 7 years. So Im keeping my thoughts not on being cured because there is always a chace for cancer cells to reappear once a person has been diagnosed with any cancer but I am also keeping in mind that 7 year mark of 2010. I like the idea of the odds going up. LOL

Do't worry EJ. Defying the odds no matter what I am doing is definately a part of me. I have no plans of dying. Hey Got to be here in 5 years to welcome my son home. LOL nothing is going to stop me from bringing my boy home no matter how old he is when it happens.

cool on the T going with ya.

Arrange for a non verbal thing they can ask you like when they are putting me under they ask me to squeeze the attendants hand, to open my eyes, granted while under ther isn't much of a respnse but they can tell when I am trying to squeeze Bonnie's hand or try to open my eyes because they are focusing on watching the specific muscles used to do those things. Im told my mouth muscles twitch when I am trying to open my eyes under anestesia. LOL now I know where my son gots it. When he was under 5 you could ask him to open his eyes he would look down and he would open his mouth, For the longest time we thought there may have been some short cercuit somewhere in him. It just turned out he was trying so hard to open his eyes that all his facial muscles responded..