[Jenn1fer82]

For about 4 years now I've been dealing with the health complications. My doctors first thought it was PTSD due to being raped. At first I refused to take anti-depressant medication and just wanted to use psychological therapy to help me cope with the trauma and daily stress. Just last year I finally gave anti-depressiant a chance but they didn't help. The syptoms I experience are, my surroundings suddenly closing in on me, I feel my heart beat rushing and the feeling of something horrible is about to happen and then I black out. These episodes last for about 5-10 mintues but they feel like hours. When I'm able to come back to myself I experience tremendous muscle weakness and become emotionally distraught to the point where I dont know what time or day it is or where I'm at. This could last up to 2-4 hours each time. These episodes started to happen more often and I wouldn't have to be provoked to have an episode. that was when I started to question my doctor and ask if my health complications could be more then just PTSD. Now my doctors say that it could be seziures. I"m on seziure medications since Feb 2006 and have done so many blood test, EEG testing and MRIs. Through it all there are no concrete signs that it is seizures but as I tell them my symptoms it sounds so much like seizures. It hurts and frustrates me to hear them that they may have to settle to diagnoised me with PTSD because I was a survior of rape. I don't want to carry on with this title that I have PTSD because I was a victim of rape and now I've become a survior of rape. I no longer want to be reminded of that horrible night.

The label doesnt say who you are. all it means is that you go through periods of anxiety, depression, nightmares flashbacks. PTSD doesn't always happen just with sexual abuse. soldiers who have fought in wars and battles have it, people who went throught Katrina have it, people who experience a automobile accident go through it, Same with people who go through fires, hurricanes, earthquakes. Even just having to move from one home to another location and home can cause PTSD. Labels are just ways that professionals know what problems you go through so that you can get the right treatment. Kind of like being a cancer survivor. regardless of if my cancer is in remission or not that label "cancer' is going to remain on my file because it tells all future treatment professionals that I have gone through it so if I have any future problems to keep in mind that was there and that has to be considered for example if I go to another physician with heartburn, stomach problems or anemia problems that new doctor won't pass over something critical and chalk my stomach problem up to eating spicy food without ruling out the possibility that the cancer may have returned. Mental health is the same way should the person seek help for a problem the new professional knows what must be ruled out before calling the problem something different. I know you don't want to be reminded of that night. no one that has been abused wants to remember what happened, But the labels are there not as a reminder but as a tool to help you get the right treatment. hang in there.

[mtd]

Jennifer, I hate the labels also, but even more I also hate the feeling of being pulled back in to my recovery process every day. So I can relate to what you are going through. I have PTSD from childhood sexual abuse. It's an illness and I can't ignore it. Others thrust it onto me and left me with the horrible memories and daily reactions to it that continue decades later. But as survivors we can do the work to recover from it. It's getting better for me and others, and it can for you also. I know that it is frustrating, but you are worth it. The one label that I carry with pride is "survivor." We deserve to claim that title. We work hard for it. We show incredible courage to survive what we have been through. Hang in there and know that you are not alone. We are all here to help you.

Be well,

mtd

[(JD)]

Labels help only minimumly, imo... for insurance billing, and to finally know there IS a name for what we feel.

Having a label won't change what you are experiencing, so it doesn't hurt you. Your reaction to a label can slow or speed up your progress. Part of healing requires accepting what happened and how you are suffering.

Sometimes the way OUT is THROUGH.