[ACC_gal]

I have had PTSD for a few years but more and more I seem to want to just be left alone. I get angry when I have to go out in public and end up cussing at people or yelling at them. Online I like to help who I can but sometimes I have trouble knowing what to say. My niece craves my attention but I tell her at times "just leave me alone" even though I know she idolizes me and prob does need my help. I had her join here and told her to post her feelings as well as chat. Chat for me is alot easier then going out in public. I do have a nuerosphycologost trying to help me cope with my issues but still find myself "hating" and wanting to be alone. the getting quite upset if someone does invade my 'alone time". I also stay up nights just to have my alone time and wanting it more and more. I feel like such a freakazoid some days

[AngelWolf3]

I totally understand this. Welcome to PC...sorry I don't have any advice, but just wanted to let you know...!

[Open Eyes]

Hi ACC gal, I see you are a fairly new member to PC, welcome, I hope you are finding some helpful support here.

The desire to withdraw and be alone more and more is definitely a symptom of PTSD.
I have PTSD myself so I can definitely relate to your challenges.

When someone is struggling with PTSD they do have a lot of different troubling symptoms and it is not unusual for someone struggling to be diagnosed with other disorders like Bipolar, Magor Depressive Disorder, OCD, Anger disorders which can really simply be PTSD rather than separate disorders.

What has helped me make some real "gains" on my challenge with PTSD, is learning about it and paying attention to the areas where I struggle with it and making a conscious effort to "work through these challenges" instead of just telling myself that I will be suffering from now on because I have been diagnosed with PTSD.

One of the things we have learned by trying to "test" the effectiveness of different drugs is what we call "the placebo effect". We began to discover that when people thought they were getting a drug that promised to help them feel better, even if they got a sugar pill or a pill not containing the drug, they would say they felt much better.
In fact this happened so much that drug companies had to do several tests so that they could show a drug really made a difference. And today there is a big question if many of the drugs prescribed actually do work.

Now, I am not saying PTSD isn't a real challenge. What I am saying however is that it is important that when you struggle with PTSD that you don't "convince" yourself you cannot improve and learn to control it and function better.

What I have been "slowly" realizing is that while I have been challenged with these "temper tantrums or suddenly being very angry", I pay attention to it and I have been tracing whatever it is that "triggers that to happen". I also keep in mind that with PTSD throught patterns and reactions are "magnified" so a person is much more "senstive" to interactions and environmental stimulations.

Considering how the "placebo effect" is so common and how people can be "convinced" of how to respond to a suggestion is really important. The truth is, we are fed this kind of information from the time we are very small. We all begin to accept the messages that tell us to feel good, bad, or what we need to have, know, or do to have "value" as a person.

If you look at the history of man this is expressed in many different cultures where certain cultures/groups of humans believed whatever they were told would make them happy, sad, valued etc. The Mayans grew to believe and accept that by "sacrificing members of their communities, even children, that they would be making "their gods" happy. We also had a period in Salem CT, where people believed that some people were "witches" and they had to be burned and destroyed and it was "right" to do that. Just some examples of some ways we can "believe" or accepts something we are told is "right".

By taking the time to connect the challenging emotions you feel and struggle to control to original "placebo messages" ACC gal, you can actually make a decision to "change" the way you have "believed" you should respond to certain situations.

Now, this does take time, because all of us contain messages throughout our lives of how other people think what is important and how to "judge" others. Without realizing it there are a lot of things we can believe about ourselves as a result of how others we grew up with felt, and even how others reacted towards us and behave in general that we have allowed to take hold in our minds and work around.

In my time here at PC I have addressed many different questions from others that feel that without having certain things, they are "less than" and some are even embarassed to discuss some of the things they "miss or wish they had" so they could "feel better" about themselves. And if you spend enough time looking at all these questions and challenges discussed here at PC alone, it isn't long before you will realize that you are more a part of, then separate from how people struggle in general.

ACC, when you go out and are around others, I am sure you feel uncomfortable and exposed thinking of how "different" you are and somehow too easily judged or can get overwhelmed so the resolve you have come to is "stay isolated" so it isn't so hard to maintain a sense of "emotional balance". The reality is, that most people feel that way and you are not as alone as you think you are. What you do struggle with however is a condition called PTSD where you tend to be "more sensitive" than others. However, all it really is about is that you have normal concerns but the emotions and stesses you feel are "magnified". And ofcourse that brings on a sense of not feeling "safe" and experiencing "anxiety" that can be a real challenge to control.

What has helped me imensely (and it has been quite a challenge) is to allow myself to develope a part of myself that is there to "observe" and learn why I "struggle".
I have come to realize that often when I struggle I can have too many thoughts come into my mind all at once. When that happens I struggle to concentrate and I begin to experience sometimes "crippling anxiety" or I can become so "angry" and frustrated that I can "be mean and snappy" before I have a chance to control it, or even know it is going to "pop out" of me.

What I have learned to do is recognize the beginning of "a PTSD cycle" and I have been learning how to "clear my mind" and give myself permission to "let go" and not continue to "struggle with so many thoughts and challenges all at once". I am "learning" that if I am interacting with someone who can be "abusive", I do not have to take on the emotional reaction "placebo effect" that I had developed in my past to have. I think about my "self talk" and how I may unknowingly tell myself to feel, respond, or feel less than, or even somehow am a "failure". Instead, if I don't happen to "know something" then I can decide to learn learn about it, and I don't have to take on another person's "placebo suggestions" either.

Everywhere around us are "placebo suggestions". Every commercial for any product is a "promise that you can "feel better" if you have that product". Every politician is "selling a product or placebo" and the result is that often many people "believe it" and take that on as "something they need to believe to feel better about themselves and what to expect or think is the right thing to believe".

I believe that you can feel very angry, depressed, overwhelmed and experience other personal "troubling routine unhealthy inbalanced emotions". However, that doesn't mean you can't learn to slowly take on more control of how you struggle. While it is a challenge, the truth is, you can learn to slowly take more control, and so can your nine year old niece. If you don't learn that you "can" make gains on PTSD, yes, the desire to isolate will increase with time. It "is" a challenge that presents that feeling if you don't "work at finding resolve" and understand that you actually "can" make gains on it. It took a while for you to get this bad, so it takes a while to slowly work your way to learning how to "control it". I have been working at it myself, and I have good days and bad days, but I "am" seeng progress and gains and you can too.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes