the flashbacks drag me down

I can't escape from the bad memories, day and night, I am now having counselling and psychological help but it is early days yet and I can't always afford the sessions so I have to cancel soemtimes

JayJay,

When we experience tramatic things, we go into "hypervigilance" and when that takes place our brains don't "process", instead our brains push aside whatever it is so that we can do whatever we need inorder to survive or address the situation.

Later when we have returned to normal thinking patterns there can be times when we can be "triggered" to recalling these images that we experienced in hypervigilance. When we do that we are also experiencing the sense of "shock or intensity" as if whatever we saw or experienced is happening in the now because we also have the memory of how urgent or tramatic it was. It takes time to recall these "flashbacks" and once they receed, to acknowledge consciously, yes, that happened it was awful, but it is not in front of me now to deal with, it is over, I did the best I could to address it when it happened and now it is over, there is nothing more I can do. As we allow ourselves to talk these flashbacks out, acknowlege what they meant and that the event is over, each time we do that we slowly take the "power" out of these flashbacks as something we are addressing right now, and that we need to be alarmed and have to respond with fight or flight. If you allow yourself to instead feed into these flashbacks as if you do need to act now and experience the emotions/fear/anxiety that you did then, you only keep them stronger instead of reducing their messages of alarm.

If you learn how to dismantle the alarming affect of images like what you have been discribing, you will begin decensitizing your brain to having to react with alarm.

When people become nurses and doctors, at first they can be alarmed by what they see, however by being exposed to these images over and over again and functioning through them they slowly become decensitized so they can do their job, which is tending to injuries the best they can in order to try to achieve a positive outcome. However, they also have to learn that a positive outcome doesn't always take place as well. They have to learn to focus, do their best at addressing whatever they have to address, and if they have done all they can do, they have to let it go and move on.

JayJay,

Have you tried talking with your T's office about financing plans? I've been to quite a variety of providers over the years ~ One T saw me despite my inability to pay, and treated me pro bono. Others accepted my ex-hub's insurance plan. Others made the cost based on my income level, it was tapered. Now, all of my doc's and T accept MA.

My point is, there are lots of possibilities. It wouldn't hurt to inquire, and hopefully get regular sessions due to the relief in finances.

Very best wishes to you ~ I hope that you can start getting in regularly very soon & gain strength. Gentle hugs to you....