[Alishia88]

(sorry for posting so many posts. My mind is working so much the past week and I need to share...)

I keep repeating this to me many times.
I have realized that I feel so not in control and so unautonomous.
Not in like taking care of myself.
But very much in general. It feels like anything I do doesn´t make a real difference, I cannot really control anything.
I can of course, but it doesn´t feel like it to me.

I discovered though that imagining yourself being able to do something, in your traumatic past, anything to make it a little better, makes it easier to feel in control in the NOW.
Like, yes, I CAN do something, I can make a difference in my life, I can make it better.
I have heard that the basic of trauma is feeling helpless and like you cannot do anything, not to run or do something about it.
Is that right?

How much in control do you feel of your own life?

I am in control of my involuntary complulsions of self deprecation and desruction. I have faith that I am loved more than I am able to comprehend now. People tell me I help them and people nurture me by listening to me ramble on senselessly at times without judging me too harshly and treating me with compassionate love. This gives me confidence that I am worth something, rather than being made to feel worthless and a burden, as was my childhood experience. I found religion after much work on being socially benevolent and kind and genuine. I was socially awkward and at times belligerant to those who tried to help me and indifferent as well.