Persecution complex?

I haven't felt as depressed lately - although my sleep is pitiful (when I sleep at all), which signals depression for me. And I might feel a bit better, but...

Lately I've been going through another of what I call my "victimization times." (I've had so many of these times I actually came up with a name for it ) Whenever I leave my apartment, it seems like people are going out of their way to be hateful to me. In traffic, in public places.

I went to the movies today (to get out of the hellish heat here) and people sat behind me who were talking through the movie. So I turned around and gave them a dirty look. They not only didn't shut up and behave like they had some manners, they started coughing, kicking the chair, etc. These weren't even children! I'm SOOOOO tired of having to take %#@&#! from bullies. I got up and moved, but it ruined my movie-going experience.

Yesterday, when I went to my car (I have to park blocks away now because an obnoxious neighbor vandalized my car 3 weeks ago), I was parked in front of a house, a couple of blocks away. I left at least a foot of space between me and the driveway of that house, and no one was parked behind me. When I went out to get into my car last night, the home owners had put their trash cans out onto the street (to be collected this morning). They put two cans out - one about half an inch from the front of my car, and the other one about three inches behind my car, blocking me in. They had PLENTY of room at the curb to put both of the cans either in front or back of my car, but they decided to be hateful and block me in. I tried to move one of the cans, but it was so heavy I could barely budge it. Why did they have to be hateful to me? I did nothing to them, I wasn't taking up any space they needed. I have a tendency to write it off to how hateful, stupid and obnoxious people are in Los Angeles. But sometimes I wonder if I'm just choosing to see people's actions as persecution. I really don't think I do that. I think they ARE being a-holes. But it happens so often (especially lately), I'm beginning to doubt my sanity. I know I've always been a victim/scapegoat, but a lifetime of it is TOO MUCH.

Am I even crazier than I think I am?

you aren't crazy . . . sounds like you are hurting and need some TLC.

you have legitimate anger. you need to vent . . . scream . . . cry. please vent in a safe place (counseling session, at the gym, doing art, here online).

bad things happen. sometimes people will do things that irritate you. if you don't allow yourself to express your hurts and anger in a safe place, then you'll explode on a situation that doesn't deserve your full wrath. some situations can be solved in a logical manner but if you are overflowing with anger, how are you gonna reason well?

the more your mind is at peace, the more you notice the good things happening all around you. and, there are good things all around you. there are good people around you too. i bet they outnumber the jerks.

take care . . . .

people can be jerks. there are way too many people = way too many jerks. hard to not take it personally. sorry it's being so funky for you. you deserve a break for heaven's sake!

You may have parked where some girlfriend or boyfriend usually parks their car and didn't even realize it.There had to be some reason besides wanting to bully someone for no reason.You could put a note on the garbage cans asking for an explanation and at least you would feel like you did something.When you give those people a dirty look at the movie that was all the excuse they needed to victimize you.Next time try moving first and then you won't give them a chance to annoy you any worse than they already have.I have been a victim and scapegoat my whole life too.I am learning ways to be ascertive.It is not easy but when I do it I feel better.They say we choose to be a victim.I don't think that is always true but we get so used to feeling like a victim that sometimes we bring it on without realizing.Venting here or with a councilor is a good idea.It takes a while to break the pattern....and there are bullies out there.I try to stay out of their way and if I can't I confront them in a nice way.
love,Patricia

"They say we choose to be a victim" I'd argue that point with whoever said it, Patricia.

I was born with a birthmark on my face. Kids were very cruel. They literally used to wait for me after school to beat me up. I absolutely DIDN'T choose to be their victim. The persecution has continued my whole life (not because of the birthmark. I just seem to attract bullies). That's what caused my PTSD. (Some book I read said that once you've been bullied, you continue to be for your whole life. I'd have to say that's true. )

I had another day today that might have been ok, except for one girl who just HAD to make me her scapegoat. I know of a gas station where the gas is cheapest, and I was almost on empty, so I went there. It has lots of pumps and was very busy. I was able to get in and drive up to a pump, then some girl came over carrying on that I was at a pump she didn't approve of me being at. I was supposed to sit behind her, she said! (Our gas tanks were on opposite sides! We wouldn't have been able to gas up at the same pump) This broad clearly had a problem, but I didn't need her taking it out on me. It's a long story, but if that hadn't happened, I might have thought my "victimization time" had finally ended (this time around. It would have been the first day in ages that I hadn't had a problem with somebody dumping on me). I should have known better than to think I'd been given a reprieve...

That was NOT my imagination, BTW! I was clearly being abused by someone who just wanted to vent and needed a convenient whipping boy. I "may" have a persecution complex, but it clearly isn't always my imagination. Sometimes I think I wear a sign that says "kick me."

I understand about bullies, and that once you have been a victim, other bullies tend to identify you as a victim and keep doing it. I was beaten up after school for being short. I also thought it was just inevitable that I would be picked on. I was smaller and weaker, and that made me an easy target, and it just always was what happened. I still would "volunteer" to be the victim. As an adult, it's a little different, but there are still bullies of course, and they are still looking for victims. "Victim" is a role that I am comfortable with.

I don't tend to get picked on that much anymore though. I think that a lot of the reason is who I hang around with. I don' t have to keep socializing with people who pick on me. But sometimes I still create that dynamic with my husband or someone. He's not a bully by nature, but I feel picked on if he lectures me or gets critical of me, and I tend to go along with it for a while, and then I sulk or space out or something, but what I'm trying to do is speak up assertively and tell him that isn't a way of interacting that I can participate in anymore.

Of course you don't choose to be victimized, but we do learn subtle mannerism that send out a singnal announcing us as potential victims. Bullies are highly attuned to picking up those signals. As a child, you didn't have much control, and after the first few times you probably felt like there was no escape (I did). But it is possible now to learn to change the patterns and be more assertive so that you stop sending out that involuntary invitation to bullies. Sometimes people will still be jerks, but you can recognize that they are jerks because that is who they are, and it has nothing to do with you. You can take back the power not to let them ruin your day or make you feel bad.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Rapunzel said:
. . . they are jerks because that is who they are, and it has nothing to do with you.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> that's wisdom

Hang in there Ohlostme, it does get better.

As a kid with a noticable handicap I got bullied all the time. Then of course there was the abuse I went through for sexual assault is about power of one person over the other.

But then I was seeing a counselor at a rape crisis center and they were running therapeutic and support groups and one of them was an assertiveness and standing up for yourself. I was too shy to really do anything but listen back then but what was being talked about was sinking in because years later I stood up for myself in amazing ways.

So now I rarely get bullied and when I do I can recognize it almost right away and put a stop to it. for example when LL (therapist) co workers were butting their nose in where they didn't belong by tellling LL and I we had to be done (and on a deadline date at that) with working on my nightmare and the project surrounding the nightmare I refused to work on them during therapy time but am going to continue working on it at home.

They had no right to put that dead line on us so I turned the tables on them. LL and I will still work on this but now a majority of the work is going to be done in my home. This agency does do home visits and a part of what we are doing - the relaxation visualizations - does not require always using the surrounding project - the scale model. When we need the scale model I'll just schedule a home visit for they cannot tell me and LL what to do in my own home.

I have also found that real life isn't the only place that I encounter bullies. No matter where I go on line there are also bullies there that solicite or butt in where they don't belong.

Everyone knows that there are on line preditors that go after children but I have found that on line preditors also go after adults too, and some of the ways they do so alot of people don't always recognize the person as a preditor or bully. And they don't always know how to handle such preditors.

For example I am a member on a depression managemnt group (DBSA) and it never fails someone tries to tell me how I should post and what I can say and what I cant say, or just saying in general that I can't post to other people the way that I do.

I can understand people not liking what I say and how I say it. I could be posting a joke and the serious ones won't like it, I can be posting seriously and those that want to be cheery won't like it and so on.

Basically no matter what a person posts and talks about on line there is always gonig to be one person in the crowd that does not like or agree with what is being discussed.

Does that give them the right to bully those they don't agree with? No. Just like anyone else on line they can either read or don't read what they want. No one is forcing them to read my posts and what I talk about in chat.

Is it their job to tell me what to do on line? No that is the sole job of the moderators and administrators. Moderators and administrators are the only people that have a right in any on line group to tell the members that they are posting or talking unappropiately. No one else has that right to tell people they are doing wrong to other members of the group.

Now it would be different for example if I posted to Mm and Mm told me she didn't like me postig that way to her.

But Mm has no right to tell me that I am posting wrong to Pp.

This is in fact a rule of every on line group that I am in and for good reason - no one is going to agree with everyone and if everyone had the right to bully others by telling them they are posting or talking wrong then instead of a support group that group turns into a punishment group where everyone is at everyones cyber throat telling everyone else that they are posting and talking wrong. and then because no one can agree with what the standards are for this person doesn't like this word and that person doesn't like that word and so on, anyway there would be no DBSA support group or any other group for that matter because no one would be posting or chatting because there is always someone ready to say - don't say that don't write that, you are not doing it right.

So in order for the group to continue being a support group there is a rule in on line groups that ONLY the moderators and administrators have the right to "scold" or "punish" by telling someone they posted wrong.

When anyone in the general membership steps in to do this they are breaking one of the site rules and are in my opinion acting in the preditors bully mode.

When that happens to me no matter where I am on line I pretty much laugh at the jerks, and ignore their telling me that I have posted or said something wrong.
They don't like me or what I say and do thats their problem not mine.

It gets even funnier when someone tells me that they are glad that my post or threads got removed. They seem to think telling me they are glad that happened is going to hurt my feelings.

The funny part is that some to alot of times when my posts and threads get removed on my many on line support groups its done at my request. LOL

So these people telling me they are glad that I had a post or thread removed are actually wasting their time and energy for nothing but to brighten my day by showing me how obnoxious on line preditors can be.

Not to mention that alot of times these preditors are usually the ones that are vocal when their own threads and posts get removed. So what makes me laugh too is the act that I know if anyone engages in this type of bullying with the preditor they would go ballistic and be highly offended if someone said to them - hey I'm glad your post or thread got removed. LOL You know that saying treat people on line the way you want to be treated. I could have loads of fun with the preditors just by letting them know when I see they have posted something that cannot possibly happen with DID or any other disorder that I know alot about. Or I keep copies of posts so when I notice a post by a preditor has been removed and send the preditor their own "Im glad your post got removed" notice back to them. LOL

The best part of on line preditors is that they forget that their own posts, threads, pm's and chat behavior can be "saved" and used as evidence against them for on line preditors don't stop at bullying just one person. All the moderators and administrators of on line support and therapy groups have to do is follow the paper trails and compile the evidence and bye bye preditor from the site.

The way I see it be on line or in real life no one has the right to bully me and its up to me to stand up for myself and I do that in many ways be it letting the person know they overstepped my boundries, turning the tables on them or saving the evidence, laughing and ignoring them.

I could write forever on what I think of bullys both on line and in real life so I better stop now before you all end up reading a full length novel on the subject.

Thanks, guys, for your responses.

I know a lot about bullies. Partly because I've been bullied so much of my life and partly because I've read a LOT about it. Visit on line bully sites. They're interesting and informative. (Although most of them are geared towards children being bullied at school, or people being harassed at work)

I've also got the book "Nasty People." Good book. One thing it stresses -- and I know it's true -- is that when someone bullies you, it's not because you've been doing something wrong, or you're weak (or smaller than them) or you look different, or...or...or...it's because they feel inferior or threatened and you happened to be handy for them to dump on (to make themselves feel superior). It's about THEM, not YOU. You just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. (story of my life)

I was never docile or frightened, as a child victim. Quite the contrary, I was angry and strong and smart. I fought every day of my childhood, and I seldom lost. I couldn't really afford to lose, so may other kids were out to get me. If word got around that I couldn't defend myself, I would have been dead meat. Assertiveness was never my problem. In my early 30's I took an assertiveness class at a local junior college (just to see if I needed it). When I heard the wimpy women in that class going on about what abuse they were taking, I knew I was in the wrong place. I spoke up, where it was appropriate, and everyone in the class started telling me that I was already assertive, and asking what I was doing there. Tee hee.

As for the times I've been bullied as an adult, it's been in situations where I couldn't do anything about it -- like on jobs, when I couldn't afford to quit, or in apartment buildings (like now), where I couldn't afford to move out. I don't believe I give out signals that invite bullies to dump on me. But, when you're a downstairs tenant, and there are mentally unbalanced people (bullies) upstairs -- which, of course, you don't know when you move in. You find out as time goes by -- the bullies take advantage of the fact that you're trapped beneath them, and use their advantage to torture you. I've just been through that twice. Now THAT'll wreak havoc with your PTSD triggers!!! (I moved upstairs, BTW. Didn't stop bullies in the next building from harassing me when I complained about their loud, nightly 1AM, 2AM, 3AM, 4AM laundry parties 25 feet outside of my bedroom window [where their laundry room is], or the ***** in this building [two apartments away, upstairs] from vandalizing my car... But at least no elephants are tap dancing in combat boots at 4:30AM over my head [intentionally, to drive me out], like in my last apartment SOME people...)

As for on line predators, yes, I know they're out there. And, yes, I've had people be hateful, predatory, rude, in various places. I've had people tell insane lies about me (just because they could. I started a website to "out" their nastiness. I've been on their hit list ever since), I've had people try to tell me how to post (I didn't take that for a moment. I read them the riot act, on line. They eventually apologized, to my amazement). I just quit another board because the woman whose site it was decided that she didn't like my politics -- we agreed on most things. But one thing came up that she didn't agree with me on, and she got pushy about it, so I basically told her that I was taking my marbles and going home. There are too many places to go, to stay anywhere and have to take abuse. When I see it and recognize it and I CAN leave, I do.

I'm hoping my victimization time has run its course, for the moment. Yesterday I managed to get in and out of my apartment without incident, and today I stayed inside. (One way to avoid it, although not guaranteed) Whew. However, tomorrow - as Scarlett said - is another day...

(((oh)))) Have you added that book to the review area on this site? DocJohn has asked us to do such... sounds like a good one to know about

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

Want to share your Christian faith? Click HERE

Done (along with "I Can't Get Over It").

Thanks for the suggestion.

It may sound callous, but I've learned to mock them back. Now, when someone does something nasty to me, I laugh at them for being so small. I get a real kick that my little action set him/her into a tailspin. At first I was uncomfortable doing it because I was a 'nice person' and thought it was bad to change and I didn't want to be seen as a b**ch, but now it feels healing to brush it off. For instance, someone cuts me off in traffic and starts flipping me the bird and yelling. I laugh and shake my head and their reaction goes from anger to becoming unsettled by my reaction. Bullies get difused when you look them in the eye like they are an idiot. Of course, it doesn't always work, but it works better than having myself hunker down and feel miserable. It takes practice to do this because it goes against a person's good nature, but don't be alarmed because you remain a good person. Let their issues remain as their issues and don't absorb them as yours.

I just saw the ***** (neighbor) who vandalized my car last month. I didn't even know what she looked like before, but I saw her outside thebuilding today. I was so stunned that I didn't confront her, but now I wish I had. I'd like to put my fist through her ugly face. I know that'd cause a lot of trouble that I don't need right now (I might even end up having to move, which I can't afford to do, at the moment), but I WANT REVENGE!!!! After a lifetime of being made a victim by every piece of garbage who gets their jollies bullying someone, THIS time I want some comeuppance. I feel like NOT doing something would be like saying it was ok for her to make me a victim.

The BEST result and response would be to be at a point where their remarks truly don't bother you. Once you can get to that result, you are truly doing self care! good wishes

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

Want to share your Christian faith? Click HERE