I don’t even know how to describe what is going on in my head right now, but it is driving me insane.

I feel like I am losing my sense of reality. I keep seeing images that I killed a girl while I was at work, and the story is completely played out. It seems so real. I keep seeing it over and over. But I know it didn’t happen. But my brain keeps trying to tell me it did.

And last night at work, every time I went out on a delivery, I had a complete sense of dread on my way back to the store that I was going to walk back in and see everyone murdered. I could see them all dead in the store in my head. I could see me having to call 911 and trying to save them and me being covered in their blood. It was all so real. It just kept happening over and over. It’s just as real as me killing that girl. But it’s not real. But it feels so real.

I had a delivery to a warehouse last night that terrified me. There was no business sign on it and it looked like an abandoned warehouse. No lights on, no cars parked at it, no mailbox with numbers on it, a pithy chain-link fence surrounded the premises and it was far back from the road. And I had to drive back behind the building to deliver their pizza to them. I was terrified. I thought I was about to be assaulted. What if they are hiding dead bodies in there? Something didn’t feel right about the place.

Something just isn’t right with me right now. Something isn’t right in my head. And I don’t know what to call it. I’d e-mailed my therapist about it and she said it sounds like I am experiencing PTSD symptoms, but I thought flashbacks were to events that actually happened. I’m incredibly confused and stressed out right now. I don’t know what to think.

[Hellion]

Flashbacks are like reliving events that actually happened....but it is also possible for your mind to kinda play tricks on you and you. I've developed that issue as well, sometimes there's all kinds of terrible stuff I can't get out of my head even though it has nothing to do with real events or what is going on in the moment.

Sometimes it feels the same as a memory though so it can be rather confusing, also I have a hard time getting enough sleep so when I've one a week or longer with very little actual sleep then I start confusing weird disturbing dreams I have for real events and that's when I really feel like I could go insane.

Also you may already know this but being under stress can certainly make symptoms worse and amplify the worst of them...so I guess I would recommend trying to reduce your stress that is what I have to do sometimes. I don't nessisarily like it because then I feel like such a loser because rather than go hang out with people or do something interesting I have to relax and make sure to keep my stress level down...or go somewhere quiet when I am 23 and people seem to expect that i should be striving for some great oppurtunity or this or that or at least having fun and experiancing all there is in life or whatever, not having to be careful of my stress level and constantly monitor if I am ok to be around people or if I should maybe have some time to myself and such.

[Open Eyes]

Are you on medications? I have PTSD myself, I never have that happen to me, my flashbacks are of real things that I experienced in the past.

It sounds like you are "halucinating" so you better get that checked. Try to stay calm, know it isn't happening and don't feed into the fear.

[Onward2wards]

I know it's not the exact same thing, but I've had some seriously freaky nightmares when stressed out in the past, and the content always points to something I'm worried about in a metaphorical way. Here's a thought: reread your previous post on here (http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=258638) , look at what's going on now, maybe there's a connection?

Thanks On and everyone.

I was able to speak with my therapist about it further during our session and she has an idea of what's going on, and says it's obviously not a flashback since the event never happened. I'm not particularly thrilled with what's going on, and she has to consult with some of her other therapists, but we seem to be getting some answers. But yes, apparently I have to be watched very closely right now. :\ And do daily mindfulness.

Thanks for all the responses. They were much appreciated. <3