[Alishia88]

It´s really difficult for me to concentrate on anything or pick up something new like a "hobby", studies or a small job.
That´s because everything for me, has a tedency to blow up in importance.
And I give it way too much thought and worry and time than would be reasonable.
I don´t have much control over it.

If there´s nothing to obsess about, my mind often floats around.

I have wondered if this is really just to have "something" to focus all my energy on. Sort of like an addiction.
SOMETHING that can give me a sense of control or safety or joy.

Has anyone else the same thing happen to them?

[(JD)]

PTSD makes one hypervigilant, thereby making everything hyper "important" ? It is an anxiety disorder, so the feeling of obsessing, and racing thoughts can be included in this. Yes, the need to control comes along with it Find one thing (or two ) to totally control and see if that helps with this need?

[Open Eyes]

Yes, Alisha everyone has this challenge, PTSD or not. It is the one thing human beings always "struggle with" and is at the root of much of the "disfunction" in mankind in general. And if you take time to look at history, you will see it "everywhere" and in "every culture", even today. It is in the pyrimads in "Egypt" and in the ruins of the Myans and all the things we marvel at. It is in every single religion that we tend to need to "control" as well, even fight over.

When I hear anyone say, "I don't know who I am or if I can be anything important or meaningful", well, that question is the foundation of humanity itself. And we are and have been forever remodeling "who we should be and how we should live life". So don't think for one minute that there is something wrong with you because you have these questions and doubts yourself.

"That´s because everything for me, has a tedency to blow up in importance.
And I give it way too much thought and worry and time than would be reasonable.
I don´t have much control over it." quote Alisha

Ok, take one thing, the pyrimads in Egypt. Do you think that is an example of blowing up something to have a lot of "importance"? How many people gathered together to make that happen, even spend their lives, or even die making that happen?

When someone has PTSD, the normal concerns and need for a sense of personal control and purpose is "challenged". So what that means is that somewhere along the line someone was "tramatized" and that trama disrupted their personal sense of balance where they felt a certain kind of "control" over themselves. As a result of that trama though, their can come a confusion as well as a "heightened" sense of "awareness" in an effort to try to find a way to "regain" whatever "fragile" sense of balance anyone has. This is where the struggle with emotions, anxiety and lack of safety comes into play. Each and every human being has their own "unique" way of maintaining "personal balance and sense of safety" Alisha. How we form that unique sense begins to take shape in what we imprint and experience in our childhoods as well as "cultural" surroundings.

The bottom line though, is that we are all "just human" and we all develope very human ways of "personal balance" that we all use within whatever society we have to function in.

It is important to understand what PTSD is, which we now know alot about. Then we have to (as someone struggling with PTSD) understand human nature as a whole and look at how we have our own unique way of adapting and how we have been "exposed" to life and told how to be and live, "self awareness".

"I have wondered if this is really just to have "something" to focus all my energy on. Sort of like an addiction.
SOMETHING that can give me a sense of control or safety or joy." quote Alisha

Now, with what I have said thus far, think about how normal this statement "really is". Think about the "pyrimads" and there sure are alot of things human beings have made "something to focus all their energy on". So, it isn't "just you" that has this very human "need" and "desire" Alisha. Human beings in general "OBSESS".

When someone has PTSD or even any kind of disorder Alisha, they can begin to "question" themselves in very deep ways, wondering "how" to be normal and yet not realizing the things about themselves that "are" normal. We have this new decision up for a lot of discussion that is finally saying, "there is no such thing as normal". LOL. It is not funny, but it is funny and if you "can" see some humor, then that's a very good sign that there is hope for you after all.

If you take a drive Alisha, and allow yourself to really observe, you can see homes in places that seem to present some sort of "perfection". You can even go to some "developements" where all the homes kinda look the "same" and each one can show some kind of "individualality" in some kind of "little perceived perfection". Those neighborhoods are kinda funny because it says to me, if we all have the same size house and the same kinda status, then we are all on the same level as each other and can feel good. And often there are a few of these homes where it is obvious that someone is "obsessing" about the lawn or gardens. Well, whomever is doing that "needs to have that "sense of control" and the "lawn" is what the person has to have contol over. And most likely that person wants to see that "his/her" lawn is the "best" in the neighborhood and that "he/she" is better and if others "don't" have that same "respect and pride" in their lawn, then "shame on them".

When someone has PTSD, often they can be "misdiagnosed" with having OCD too. But the truth is, that someone with PTSD has a deep "lack of safety and they are fearful in someway" so they often try to balance that out with being obsessed about things needing to be a certain way and they can also get very "angry" if that certain order is disrupted in some way. I have been like this myself, not realizing what it meant.

It is perfectly "ok" to take up a hobby, and if you begin to obsess about it, realize that what that means is you are trying to find something you can gain a sense of "control" with that helps you feel "healthier". Everyone "endulges" something in a big or more "focused" way in an effort to gain a sense of control or personal achievement, that is a very "human" thing. What is "healthier" though is to "not" push for "perfection" IMO, it is better to just "enjoy" whatever the hobby is, give self room for error and learning and make it something you can be "creative in" and actually "enjoy". It is "normal" to strive for a kind of perfection, and it will be an individual "perception" of perfection. But, make sure you do not "stress" over needing everyone else to "need to see perfection in what you do" because others will have their "own" perception of what perfection means to them.

The way to "heal" and "control" the anxiety with PTSD, or any of the symptoms that PTSD presents, is to find your way to not "stressing" whenever something isn't "controlled to some kind of perfection". I find for myself that there are alot of ways I have struggled with trying to get others to "understand me" or "respect my challenge and space", however the more I understand "human nature" the better I get at finally relaxing more into myself and the less I need to feel having to control "what others think" around me.

Try to think about how normal you really are in the "scheme" of human nature and how you can slowly take on projects in "healthy ways" understanding that it is normal to take on any hobby or project and get a little consumed with it. It is "normal" for the human brain to "not want to be too idle". What alot of people don't understand is that what life is "really" about, is "learning", we do that all our lives, and should find ways to enjoy it without have to think we need to "master" everything or "control it so much". However, as humans we all like to have "something" we can feel we have some "control over". It is actually a part of human existentialism.

Hope that helps you some.

[avlady]

That was great!!!!!!great advice-i'll take it too!

[Open Eyes]

((Hugs)), I am reading it over and can see I spelled pyramids wrong. LOL, not a word I write very often .
LOL. When I see my little errors now, I remind myself, oh well, another sign that I am simply not perfect, but perfectly human.