[beauflow]

I am not sure if there is a techincal psychology term for this, with the few PTSD members on PC that i have spoke to, they too have done what I do.

I guess I should emphazie that my childhood, teenager years and part of my early twenties are my issues with PTSD.

What i mean by "going back and putting it together "
Going back in memories, events, trying to put things together.....
like a really messed up puzzle that there are some missing pieces and and putting things in order as best as ya can, accepting some things will not be known, and some things will take a long time to heal from or change the "way the brain was wired" with thoughts and also of thinking patterns.

I guess also, the whole "look back and why do i feel this way about this current thing and what does it remind me of when I was younger" stuff.... will that ever just.. not be so much I guess I wonder, or will I always be doing that.
When I was introduced to DBT, I realized part of DBT i already do, and I try best to work on it.
Taking that for example, it is like asking "people who learn DBT, do they always have to do the DBT for the rest of their life?".

I am just wondering.

For so many years, i have been going back through trying to figure things out....

does it ever come together better?

I don't expect EVERYTHING to come together, but just mostly..... a lot.. the majority.

I don't know if I am explaining this well.. I hope someone understands what I am asking...

I know, already that with PTSD and healing- Everyone is different and at different paces... so I am not asking for a time frame.. guess wondering if anyone has actually "stopped this phase" or does it just not happen as often as it does at one point?

I also know as well as there is no cure for PTSD but there are ways to cope... I have already accepted, finding ways to cope is just something I will have to do my whole life (as I suspect a Lot of people if Not all people do to some degree).

just want to mention that before getting that as a reply back

's

Edit here:

ya know.... after thinking on this for a bit.. i honestly can say that as I get older, I think i can recall times with not focusing so much on going back through the history... finding why.... accepting things happened and are in the past.

I suppose some times though when i do wonder back... I tend to get upset with myself- due to I have been doing it so long.

I know that my ex-t did not specialize in PTSD, but this was one thing that she some what used "obsessive" with me doing and sort of pointed out of how unhealthy it was to do.

Perhaps it is just me? Perhaps I will learn one day not to go so far back? Perhaps one day I will have done so much of it, that I wont need to any more?

who knows.

even though I have edited. please feel free to add comments if anyone can or feels similar or what not...

I need to remind myself, that it is ok to trace back, but not to dwell... I guess?

[Travelinglady]

That sounds like a good idea. We make think about the past sometimes, but we shouldn't try to live back in it.....

[beauflow]

Thanks PAYNE1

maybe that is what i have been doing with out realizing it? Living back through it..
I never really thought that was what i was doing, guess I thought more of trying to figure out answers or accepting in away.... if that makes an sense?
However on the flip side, I do realize that at times I have done some major dwelling on the past, or stewing on the past with anger... which I don't seem to do as often these days.. still slip up at times though........

I feel like a broken record some times, that gets to one point in life, then for some reason stops for a few seconds and goes back to the beginning and plays again.

For some reason the other day with me, i was tracing back on past things due to trying to figure out "why in the now, I have such a hard time to figure out where my arrow is pointing, let alone where my compass is located at for me"
For some reason a part of me feels like "well if you figure that out, you are able to move forward" but it just has not been working for me for a long time.... I just don't know where to go in life... I am not sure how to move forward exactly... and it is obvious for me, this going back and figuring out things from the past helps only a little....
Or maybe I am being too hasty again?

Seems like the times where i have "moved forward" were leaps instead of steps, if that makes any sense.... and I don't want to leap any more but yet i don't want to be stagnant either.....

sigh.. sorry babbling.

thanks though for lending and ear.

[tinyrabbit]

I am doing this right now: putting puzzle pieces together. Sometimes what I find is very painful. The way I see it, I need to put these pieces together and then move on, and my T's job is to help move obstacles out of my way, not to tell me to ignore the obstacles.

[Sabra]

Hi,
I understand what you are saying. When I was in therapy "putting the pieces back together", my therapist would have me write about a particular incident. I would then read it to her and allow myself to have the emotions while in her office. Experiencing the emotionally charged feelings would help dissapate them. We would then reframe the thinking I had about them. By that I mean putting things in perspective from my adult view rather than my child's view point. We broke things down so they were manageable.

I wouldn't suggest you just go back and have the feelings without being with a therapist or you will feel revictimized. By being able to restructure my thoughts about what happened is empowering. The memories never go away, but I no longer have all the negative responses.

After saying all of that, I still have an exagerated startle response and on occasion, I will have nightmares. My anxiety will increase if I am around someone who is abusive or very angry. When that happens, I get the hell away. I have worked too hard to deal with my PTSD to allow someone to treat me like that. At my last job, many of my PTSD symptoms started to reappear. My supervisor was a bully and it impacted me in very negative ways. I eventally lost my last job because I called her a bully. She bullied everyone, not just me. However, because I pointed it out, she made sure I lost my job.

This is my experience, I hope it answers some of your questions.

Sabra

[Perna]

I was in therapy with my T for 9 years, not for 9, and then for 9 again. All that time and those very different sets of experiences were necessary for my putting it all back together. So, yes, it was half my life (I'm 62 now) but I did get it all going in one direction with most of the pieces in place Keep working, beauflow, you'll get there.

[Crew]

Hey beautiflow

I think everyone wants to go back and put the pieces together. Having gotten
over the humps, I found that through my healing, it seems I did go back and
pick up pieces and even near my end, I am finding the process much easier to deal with now that I'm almost near my end and picking up the pieces are much easier putting them in so easily.

You said something about not being able to heal from PTSD. Just wondering, where did that come from, something you heard or something you feel won't happen for you? ( I also know as well as there is no cure for PTSD but there are ways to cope... I have already accepted, finding ways to cope is just something I will have to do my whole life (as I suspect a Lot of people if Not all people do to some degree)).

I think one can heal from PTSD or at least not make it so intense and troubles with all that involves including Stress.

I wish you all the good healing and neato ways you bless this site.
I hope this helps (((beautiflow)))))))))

In healing.... Crew

[beauflow]

(((Thanks Tinyrabbit, Sabra, Perna and Crew)))

I have read all your response and stories of your own ((many hugs)))
As always I will take what I can from friendly advice

Crew, I did want to clarify something though-- I made the comment there is no "cure for PTSD" ... Not that there is no healing.

Cure and Heal I some what see as two different words and meanings as well as coping.
They all 3 can be with something, but yet not always.

Example
There is no cure for diabetes but people can cope and manage their diabetes.

According to my last t and pdoc - there is no cure for PTSD; just like there is no cure for Bipolar, ..... but we can cope with the illnesses, we can heal from wounds.

And yes I do agree we can "heal" some of our past wounds that have ailed us.

sorry if that doesn't make full sense, i feel a little under the weather today (physical sick or flue maybe? not sure).

's
I do appreciate everyone replying, hugs and all

[ajmich]

Have just begun that process, putting the pieces together, in my case facing some huge early losses that have colored everything since then... have a lot of work to do with my therapist (social worker, not a shrink)... she says it's like peeling an onion, and can't be rushed faster than a given soul can handle it... now that I started, I want to rush though it, have a cram course in healing! Can't be that way, took a long time to get this damaged, gonna take time to mend [survivor of six suicides in family & friends]

[(JD)]

Just remember that a big part of healing with PTSD is retraining the brain on how to "file" memories. And the good part is that once the brain learns where a certain "type" of memory goes, it will continue working and filing all similar memories, in the background and while we sleep.

No, there isn't any cure for PTSD (yet?) but we can all become better at managing it's symptoms, and healing from certain aspects... become less vigilant, less easily triggered etc.

[Pikku Myy]

My PSTD trigger is any type of gun fire ..... And the incident is still very fresh on my memory and the first couple of years after my diagnosis... the hunting season was and still is my biggest enemy I do live in the country and yes, hunting is a big deal. I have found that this past season was not as bad... because I was anticiapating all the horrible noise However, every so often folks around here just decide to do target shooting... and this still gets me going in to my downward spiral quickly... since I am not expecting it.... I just tell myself over and over again... noone is after me... and it seems to work most of the time

[skeksi]

I spent a very long time talking about the past with T. It felt like it would never end. But--I haven't needed to go over it in a while, and even then it's just for a week or two. It feels so much more settled and at peace now. I'm still having issues with the trauma's effects--but it's more managing the PTSD than managing the trauma itself.

It DOES get better.

[ajmich]

This is a helpful, interesting topic. TY everyone for contributing. Today my T said we've just opened Pandora's Box, which is true but I'm having a lot of unexpected anxiety around this, and experiencing some financial headaches that just trigger more anxiety. I have an hour each week with my T and lately it doesn't seem enough... I'm probably a bit panicked or something eh? Now that the box is open, digging around in there is bound to bring some powerful emotions I just want to "know" I can handle... some vague fear of tripping off into a psychotic break or whatever... there's so much repressed crap. So, one step at a time, right? This ain't gonna be a rush job, that much is clear.