[Down the rabbit hole]

I've been emotionally abused for a long period of time and I suspect that I have some sort of PTSD (judging from tests online). I don't experience flashbacks, and that's one of the first things I think of when I hear "PTSD".

So I wonder, what is PTSD for you? Do you have to have flashbacks to have the condition? I often feel that I get a lot of anxiety and the same thoughts and feelings as those I had when the abuse was going on when I'm reminded of the abuse in my daily life - someone raising their voice, having a certain attitude etc. I feel like the way I react to it (someone yelling for example) isn't a "normal" reaction, at least not for people who isn't triggered by it, I guess...

I just feel like I'm overreacting... I know there's nothing dangerous about the current situation happening for the moment, but still I have the same feelings and thoughts as when the abuse was going on... although I know it's nothing to be upset about really... the yelling doesn't even have to do anything with me, just hearing someone being mad at someone else is triggering and makes feelings and thoughts from the abuse come back.

Please write whatever comes to your mind about what I've written... I don't know if what I'm experiencing is some sort of PTSD/something like it or whatever... so getting to know what you think would be a big help as I'm quite confused.

[Aiuto]

I believe my PTSD started from emotional abuse from my mother and my dad neglected me.Then I had a fiance that had passed away that was physical and emotional abusive.I have a child with him that I love and is my reason to continue fighting. Then the real topper was I got hit in car and I have a lot of diagnosis.

After my daughters dad passed away my behavior slowly started to get different and then the car accident I do not know who I am anymore. Anything overwhelms me also so then I either get angry or depressed and I am constantly scared all the time.I am also very sensitive to the point I am most of the time isolated and avoid any conflicts.I get worked up to if I here yelling or a tone that is too strong.I am not a doctor so I cannot tell you but I believe that abuse would give you PTSD from my experience.

[Open Eyes]

While I am not a professional, I would say that "yes" we can develop an anxiety disorder where we can be signaled to stress and even panic in certain circumstances.

If children grow up around parents that "argue and yell at each other" they don't know what that means but it "scares" them and compromises their sense of "safety". Children are constantly "imprinting" from their parents the entire time they are growing up and they "do" take on "stressors" that the parents exhibit to them.

As these children become adults, they do have these built in "alarm" systems in their brains that go off when they are "reminded of these stressors". If something happens that is "traumatic" on top of that? The risk of then developing PTSD is rather high. The truth is many people spend their adulthood learning how to "get over and recover from" their childhoods. See, your adult mind recognizes that people in a heated confrontation that has nothing to do with you doesn't mean you are "unsafe", however the imprinted mind you have in your childhood signals to you, "you need to be afraid".

Many of the "anxiety" disorders stem from "childhood stressors" that get imprinted into us without our really realizing it. Unfortunately so many parents felt that their children were not really affected by their home environments or when "mommy and daddy" fight in front of them and also making angry faces. Children "do" pick up on everything and they slowly develop internal stressors that tell them to "worry and stress in certain situations". Also if "mommy" is always too busy to actually pay attention to and "nurture" the child, the message of "unworthiness" begins to settle deep in the psyche of that child too.

PTSD doesn't just come from a "traumatic" event, it can come from being in a prolonged relationship of abuse and feeling threatened or from growing up in a toxic environment where you didn't really learn how to establish a true inner calm and sense of safety.

Healing from PTSD and an anxiety disorder does take time and therapy where you can slowly "identify" these deep stressors and then slowly learn to "self comfort, self sooth and develop skills that can slowly take over for the messages that remind you to "feel unsafe and stressed".

The "therapy" that is being developed now is to train therapists to recognize these symptoms and to take on a role where their priority is to help the patient develop a "sense" of "safety" in their therapy room. If a therapist is not providing this "safety zone" then they are not doing the most significant part of their job. It is very important that a patient feel "safe" so they can slowly reveal these deep "stressors" without feeling shame or judgment or that they are somehow "failing". So in essence the therapist is actually playing a role of a "parent" that can slowly provide that accepting and comforting presence to the patient that was not there for them when they were a child. At the same time the therapist has to be aware that a "transference" can take place because the patient is finally getting exposed to something they needed on a very "deep level" for many years even.

So if you are "struggling" and at a point where it has gotten to a point where you struggle to function day to day to stay calm and focused. You are dealing with an anxiety disorder and need to reach out for therapy to help you slowly learn why and gain skills to learn how to "self sooth" and slowly learn how to overcome these deep stressors that are really "not your fault" or mean you are "unworthy" somehow either.

(((Hugs)))
OE

[Jul32]

My father molested me and my parents fought a lot - I have never seen a therapist so I have never been diagnosed with anything, but when people are angry around me I still go hide, and when anyone touches my breasts I can see the wallpaper in the house where I grew up. I guess this is PSTD, I just try to ignore it because it pisses my hubby off.

[Krystaowens]

My husband gets angry with me too for my flashbacks, like I can help it or turn it off, trust me if I could I would. He just tells me to take another crazy pill. Which I do. And I feel better but it still hurts when a loved one is misunderstanding

[Open Eyes]

(((Jul32))) and (((Krystaowens))),

I have been challenged with this myself. What has helped me is having my husband go and talk to my therapist and it has really "helped". Having "support" from a spouse is important for the healing instead of feeling you have to "hide" your feelings or put up with the negative comments.

OE

[Jul32]

Originally Posted by Krystaowens

My husband gets angry with me too for my flashbacks, like I can help it or turn it off, trust me if I could I would. He just tells me to take another crazy pill. Which I do. And I feel better but it still hurts when a loved one is misunderstanding

Mine either takes it personally and gets upset because he isn't the person who hurt me and doesn't understand why I would feel that way around him, or he gets upset and says he can't deal with it at all and wants to leave me. The last time it came up was years ago and I haven't mentioned it since, I just try to mentally go to a happy place so he doesn't get upset. I figure he's my husband and he doesn't deserve to suffer from my problems.

[Krystaowens]

I know what you mean, but it just sucks that the one person you are supposed to be able to share everything with, you really can't. It's very hard to get someone (especially a hard headed man) to listen and actually try to understand

[Jul32]

I agree krysta, it does suck - I think men have a hard time dealing with that kind of thing though. They react the wrong way because they don't have a clue how to handle it.