Flashbacks/Trauma

Wasn't sure what to title the post.

This may sound jumbled a little so bear with me.

Yesterday was very traumatic for me, My therapist had me talking about one of my flashbacks in which she seems to think that will be helpful in the future, It was horrible and I have never had an experience like it, It was like I am this child again, Now I feel these wave of emotions like I feel hate, guilt, My therapist wants me tell her the same thing again next week as she thinks this will get rid of the flashbacks but it somehow scares me, I have these images in my head even as I am typing this. She says I had a very traumatic childhood and isn't surprised at all at my behaviours, I am trying to make sense of it all but nothing is making sense.

(((Buttercup))),

I understand the confusion, I have dealt with that myself and what I can tell you is that as you talk through it and put these feelings into words, you will slowly reduce the power of the flashbacks. Yes, it is confusing because if you had bad things happen these memories will be "in that time period" and you will have "child like memories" with them.
Remember, children don't quite know what and adult does and sometimes they are more afraid then and adult might be, more afraid and confused.

Yes, I am sure you can picture these memories now as you are writing this too, not the same as a flashback though, you are now in "recall" and that's ok because you are trying to put whatever is there into words, a story with the emotions etc, so you can finally be "heard and validated and as an adult finally "self comfort" and resolve too. Also, you need to let these things come forward so you can "mourn" too.

Yes, I know "you can feel "you" at that age, me too, but that is there in "everyone" we all have that child in us.

(((Hugs))
OE

Maybe these emotions needed to come out.

my therapist sometimes has me do this too. here in New York this therapy approach is called ...desensitization...with out all the psychology jargon the brain processes everything that a person goes through. sometimes with traumatic events the brain shuts down and cant process what happened, which results in having PTSD symptoms. kind of like when cooking or baking, taking something out of the oven and its not quite done you have to put it back in the baking process to finish the job. desensitization sets the brain back in to processing mode so that it can complete the processing of the traumatic event, which leads to the PTSD symptoms lessen or go away completely. the whole process of feeling and going through those emotions, memories that the process activates is horrible but I can tell you it will get easier.Just continue following your treatment providers and dont be afraid to tell your therapist if you need a break from it all in between each desensitization session. I always give myself a couple weeks to let things settle down before I go through this again. for me it helps. I know others that can handle doing these sessions back to back and have done ok. each person is different and goes according to whats best for them.