[She]

At a infant my foster mother left me in the crib 24 hours a day. She told my sis this when she asked. My next Foster family abused me each and every way. A lot neglect that at 3 years of age I was allowed to roam the streets of the city by myself. No body ever questioned that. School was torture. I was tied in my room ...the door was tied shut cause they went out. My whole childhood was a blurr. I was terrified of people and ran from them. I am also deaf. I literally was so afraid of everything.

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[gayleggg]

Welcome to PC. No one should have to go through that kind of abuse. I'm sorry for the things you had to endure. Glad you found PC. You will find a lot of support and kind people to talk with.

Are you seeing a therapist to help you process all this trauma? It must be hard to trust people after all that. Glad you posted. Look forward to seeing you more.
Gayle

[She]

I was seeing a T but really got nothing from it. I should say I have no health insurance. So everything is out of pocket.

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[Open Eyes]

((((She))))),

I am very sorry you were treated so badly growing up. Some people develop complex PTSD from that and some people don't and actually thrive and become strong and self sufficient.

My T told me one day that they have found that often "trauma" survivors as you have described of yourself have learned to become "quite resilient" and determined in spite of early childhood challenges.

When people say that they can remember some trauma's and yet other periods are a "blurr" somehow, that doesn't always mean something "bad". Young children are all equipped with the ability to block things out in order to thrive and survive.

School being torture could be due to a learning disability and also from being hungry or stressed and unable to "concentrate" and learn.

However, you have learned and adapted in spite of that environment, you "are" a survivor in spite of such a challenging history.

What are you doing in your life now?

OE

[She]

Adapt is certainly what I did. What am I doing? Well I work..alot. I tend to still stay away from people. I don't hate. I dont say poor me LOL. I don't collect things. I like people but I am still a loner. I write everyday. Thats new but I think it's important since I have not been in therapy for a while. But I do have a bingeing issue because of this upbringing.

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[Aiuto]

I am so sorry for the pain you have been threw.I admire your strength and I just want to let you know you are not alone.I had some compulsive behaviors and still do that I am working on.I like journaling but fell behind because of college studies.What do you do for a living if you don't mind me asking?

[She]

I'm a chauffeur. I wear 2 hearing aids so I'm able to do this. Yes a verg stressful job!

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[MotownJohnny]

Childhood trauma certainly can. I am almost 50, and was just diagnosed with it. When I was a boy, my father was very abusive to my mother, hated me with a burning passion, since he accused my mother of being a lying wh*** and denied paternity, both of which were only in his mind. As a teenager, he pinned me down a few times with the business end of a loaded rifle and told me he would blow me away because I was worthless garbage except he didn't want to go to prison. I always had vivid memories of this, things would bring it back, like sights, sounds, and especially for some reason times of day and light, weather and season. But otherwise I have always been perfectly functional until last summer, which was my own personal 9/11 -- I had a client threaten to come to my office and blow me away, at one point his girlfriend said he was coming, but then called back and said he wasn't. So, I fell apart, massive panic attacks, no sleep at all, walked around my town all night every night crying and throwing up in people's bushes. It was not a pretty picture. Still have a little twinge now and then in certain situations. OTOH, also had some breakthroughs. Was very uncomfortable going out at night, always felt like someone was in the dark to harm me, am no longer the least bit afraid of that. Hated going near water, now I'm learning to swim. So, it can be dealt with successfully. My method has been direct confrontation -- for example, I freaked out last winter pulling into a parking garage at Macy's -- it looked just like the parking garage at the hospital where I did the day program. Dealt with that by forcing myself to go back every day for a week until it didn't really bother me - desensitized myself to it. Now, it's just another parking garage.

[She]

Wow Johnny sorry you had to grow up with that. I can relate to what you say. My story is different but the outcome is the same. I havent freaked out yet,mine seems to be a consist everyday thing. Certain sounds ,people and yes smells too tend to make quite uncomfortable. I have leaned to just back away from anyway I can. Now that you mention it anyone who looks like my FM I stay away from. Anyone like my FF too,but with him I still fear people who act like him

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