[NuckingFutz]

I am in vet tech school and for some reason, the instructors there think they have a right to grab my wrists (this is a trigger for me). I got touched 2 times when I didn't have to be. I was able to go up to the instructors who grabbed my wrists and say "I'm not comfortable with that, can you please choose another way to get my attention".

These two instructors looked at me and actually had to think for a minute if they had actually touch my wrist. They did and said it was no big deal. It is a big deal to me. I was trying to let them know how to better work with me. One thought that me bringing this up was "rediculous".

I don't think it's rediculous at all. If something traumatic happened involving restraint earlier in my life and it get's triggered, yeah, somethings go to happen.

After I was touched I just stopped caring about school, that one of the lecturers was going to walk past me back and forth through the lecture. The only thing I could see was a big red flashing sign in front of my eyes that says "Danger, Danger, Danger". I did study hard, but I guess I wasn't focused enough after that point to retain any information.

I tried to go hang in there, I really did, but all I did was fail.

[H3rmit]

That's terrible. You handled the event well, but they didn't. You'd think they'd have a clue about physical boundaries, but seems like they basically treated you like a physical object or "animal." Strikes me as very odd. You'd think there would be better professional sensibilities about personal boundaries. I'm sorry this took such a toll on you.

I have no experience on the supply side of healthcare or veterinary care, but still.

[Wordcandance]

I think that you have to be (more) assertive and speak with them. You don't have to talk about your past experience but you can say:
I suffer for post traumatic stress disorder and grabbing my wrists is like a trigger for me. So I would aprecciate if you do not do that again.

I think that therapy can be useful to you too.

Good luck!

[NuckingFutz]

It takes a teacher to know NOT to touch no matter what. That was a basic lesson for drill instructors and still is. A good instructor can walk me through a process that doesn't involve touch. T said that these people did not have enough calmness to be able to instruct without grabbing. For the most part, grabbing does no harm, but if you get someone in an American classroom that got assaulted overseas, once that wrist gets touched, I'm right back over there and the instructor now becomes the enemy in a fraction of a second. I suppose I can congratulate myself on focusing on not touching back when this happened. Can you imagine? Reaction would be so fast that the instructor would be down in a second...can you say failure, jail? That's just really f*&ked up!

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

It takes a teacher to know NOT to touch no matter what. That was a basic lesson for drill instructors and still is. A good instructor can walk me through a process that doesn't involve touch.

Well, I used to teach adults and touch, but it was a social and encouraging thing like a pat on the back or on the arm, and carefully gauged after getting to know the person, not out of the blue. After all I was teaching spoken communication. But I can't see grabbing someone's wrists ever or pushing them into some position. There would have to be a "May I" first before anything out of the ordinary. That's just my own view of things for myself as a teacher.

I am sure it differs across different fields of study. I am always a little uncomfortable when the physio leans my foot on her belly or hip when she works on it, but at least it doesn't get weird or go beyond that. By the way I generally hate to be touched by anyone, even brushed lightly arm to arm, if I don't know someone.

[avlady]

You never know, a person may have been assulted or such in the past that would trigger the no touch response. I have Ptsd from a vehicle accident and if people get too close i can feel the pain all over again

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by avlady

You never know, a person may have been assulted or such in the past that would trigger the no touch response. I have Ptsd from a vehicle accident and if people get too close i can feel the pain all over again

So do you mean no one should ever touch another person in communicating with them? Or maybe until they know them well? Teaching a small group of 10 or less for 3 hours a day, I did get to know them individually.

[NuckingFutz]

I did not know this instructor well enough, well to be more accurate, I did not trust her enough to have her touch me. From the start my brain registered her as an "odd bird", not someone who could gain my trust easily.

But now that the school term is over with, I take a deep sigh of relief. I pass it off as not having what it takes to really teach someone. In today's world, going around touching people to teach them through touching is not a good idea at all. There are many victims of sexual assault as well as ptsd sufferers from children through soldiers, we are everywhere.

I do appreciate all the feedback and emotional support for this post.

[medicalfox]

If an instructor grabbed me by the wrist I would had flinched pretty hard and they would be apologizing. I have had instructors and profs touch me before unexpectedly, but almost 100% of the time they will never do it again. I'm extremely flinchy and I make a scene when I do flinch. I don't do it on purpose though, its involuntary sadly.

[ThisWayOut]

I would freak out too. I have had a few instances there the person who touched me for my dead-serious-don't-ever-****ing-touch-me-there-again speech because I can't stand to be touched or grabbed around the mid-section.
I have yet to have a teacher or professor touch me to make me flinch, but then again I never did anything where physical instruction was happening. I'm sorry you had to go through that and that the teachers were so disrespectful. I'm glad it's over for you. Hope you don't have those 2 again (it anyone like them)

[Open Eyes]

(((NuckingFutz))),

I can totally relate to the challenge with being touched and caught off guard and perhaps responding before getting a chance to "think about it". It would be nice if saying "I have PTSD" was something people could really "understand" instead of reacting in "dismissive" or "oh she is crazy" ways.

I certainly don't care for the way "my body" is now so "sensitive" either, it can get down right embarrassing tbh.

If someone grabbed my wrists like that, I might react badly too. Actually, my wrists are now very "sensitive" because of all the needles and IV's stuck in them after I underwent a surgery that opened me completely up to irrigate my body cavity from toxins due to a leaking appendix.

I endured so many "invasions" on my body in my life that I am extremely sensitive and I find it very "embarrassing". I am actually just beginning to work with a new female doctor whom my T has talked to so I can slowly work on "being examined" again. I go with so much determination and get very frustrated with how I have such strong "body memories" that over ride my determination and as I said, I get extremely embarrassed and I genuinely have the strong urge to "run". If I have someone look at me in disbelief, anger, or like I am a Looney, that only makes it worse.

I think you handled that situation very well, good for you, I know it isn't an easy feat, so it sounds like you are making some progress.

Yes, it would be nice to be able to give a quick reason and have others respond with kindness and respect.

((Hugs))
OE

[Grey Matter]

Originally Posted by H3rmit

So do you mean no one should ever touch another person in communicating with them? Or maybe until they know them well? Teaching a small group of 10 or less for 3 hours a day, I did get to know them individually.

I don't think it is acceptable for a person to touch anyone without verbal confirmation first. I do not think it matters how well one knows a person, or persons, but rather how they present themselves to these persons. Consent is not just something used in a sexual matter. When someone I've only known for a few minutes touches me via hug or arm patting, I flinch and pull away and feel actual physical pain. Personally, I never touch anyone unless I've asked and I know they are okay with it.

I am sorry this happened to you, NF. That sounds horribly stressful. I hope you feel better.

[NuckingFutz]

Originally Posted by H3rmit

So do you mean no one should ever touch another person in communicating with them? Or maybe until they know them well? Teaching a small group of 10 or less for 3 hours a day, I did get to know them individually.

I did not know this instructor well, she is a bit of an odd bird (well known around campus as being an odd bird). If I know and trust someone, no problem.

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

I did not know this instructor well, she is a bit of an odd bird (well known around campus as being an odd bird). If I know and trust someone, no problem.

Yeah, I totally agree with you. I would never touch one of my students on the first day unless they touched me first. People from Latin America will often do that. I got pretty good with people in some ways, from that job. Your instructor was way over the line.

I was wondering what avlady meant, but seems she hasn't been back to this thread.