I need to see an attorney and fight former employers who worsened my PTSD and who now give me bad references because I verbally tried to stand up to their long-standing abuse. I may have waited too long, I don't know. But, if I am ever to find full-time employment again, it's what I have to do.

Every time I sit down and try to write, I get so upset. It's overwhelming having to relive it in words. I must try to remember (I have ADHD, I can't remember anything) that they are just words and not the experiences or the people. Still, I don't know if I can do it. Not doing it though just seems to increase my self-hate. The self-hate that so many have taught me with their non-stop abusive treatment. It's hard to fight back when you feel defeated.

[MotownJohnny]

Yes, it is. I go back and forth in my own mind about the experiences that brought me here. Today has been a bad day, I am angry and bitter about events in my life.