Alternating between hyperarousal and numbing

Does anyone ever alternate between the two? First, I was hypervigilant and paranoid and everything was driving me crazy. I was in a constant state of anxiety and panic and everyone around me was scaring me. Sometimes I couldn't get the thoughts and the memories to stop. They keep replaying over and over again in my head. And now, I just feel numb. Like I don't feel anything at all. I've stopped being so hypervigilant and that has decreased the anxiety a bit. Is numbing supposed to be good because it reduces my anxiety? I still get flashbacks every now and then but they don't affect me anymore. Like I still hate having to remember what happened but I don't feel anything anymore. What do you do when you're emotionally numb? I have to write down my thoughts for therapy and I can't write down anything because I don't even know what I feel.

Same thing happens to me, I do frequently alternate between the two. Personally I like the numbing because it does reduce my anxiety and I tend to sleep better, I think I'd rather be numb than anxious. I've been keeping a journal as well and find that lately its been pretty blank due to this numbing effect. All I do when I'm numb is try to enjoy it while it lasts. Freedom from anxiety is a great thing, even at the cost of other emotions.

Instead of writing down what I feel I write down what I remember, that is of course, when I don't forget about it as soon as I remember it. Then I talk about what happened in therapy instead of how I feel and it makes me feel better to have somebody to talk about these things with. The less we avoid talking about it, the sooner we can recover. I was so hopeless when I first started therapy, the therapist was good so now I can see the light at the end of this dark tunnel.

I have PTSD as well as another diagnosis, my T said it's normal to have both hyper vigilance and numbing. I do both too.

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Yep, I go back and forth as well. The numbing can be a relief because it calms my nerves and makes everything sort of under-water detached and dreamy, but when I want to be connected again and can't, I get panicky about the numbing, too.

They are both ways to cope when in a trauma--afterwards, they are more distressing than helpful, unfortunately.

Hmm, it feels odd... Like when I'm in hyperarousal, I feel like I really need help and I really need therapy to calm me down but when I'm a numb state, I feel fine. Like the anxiety isn't so bad, I don't get panic attacks, I don't feel affected at all by what has happened. What actually causes a person to switch from hyperarousal to numbing? Is it linked to stress? Or is it totally random?

Alternating between hyper arousal and feeling numb is a part of the PTSD challenge/symptoms.

I am challenged this way myself and I try to think about what upset me in the hyper aroused state and acknowledge my reactions, what they are connected to and working on a resolve and getting validation.

I have to admit that I feel like "two different people" inside, one who is stressing and struggling with very "real" challenges, and the other who is much less emotional, often numb but trying to "reason" and "learn".

One of the things that really challenges me is that I am extremely "honest" and when I come across others that do their "exaggerations, manipulations, lies, and mind games they have adapted as "how they interact" with others, I get very "angry" and "inpatient" and I just want to either expose them or "withdraw". And many of "these people" are the ones that often "blamed me" or "insisted I "just deal and get over it". For me "personally" looking back, I really did try to "find a way to deal" and it was never "easy", now that I am challenged with PTSD, I am "very angry" because of the "lies, manipulations, negligence that ended up "harming me" and resulting in my developing this PTSD. When anyone responds with "get over it and deal" comments now, it evokes an anger in me that is very deep rooted now.

People who struggle with PTSD have a desire to find a "rescuer" somehow. I think it is about just finding someone who will "validate them" and actually be someone "they can genuinely trust" and even someone who "respects the challenges that PTSD presents" too.

OE

I do this. I am currently at a numbing point since I was having flash backs last night. It's so frustrating.

(((Teen Idle))),

When you have these "flashbacks" you have to be "patient" until they fade and then in this "numb" state you need to remind yourself that "yes that happened" and "it was tragic" but I am going to slowly "heal and move forward in my life".

Your tragedy was really not very long ago, it was a huge loss and these losses really take time to "mourn" and finally be able to move forward more.

I agree, I think its linked to stress because not all stress is obvious, sometimes little things pile up one after another until I'm ready to explode. When I'm numb I'm detached from reality, extremely distracted and withdrawn emotionally, tragedy doesn't seem to affect me as much. Sometimes it seems totally random like its "just one of those days" but studying my journal I can usually find triggers piling up on me before those days happen. At first it was a constant struggle, I'm noticing many of the worst symptoms becoming less severe.

It takes a lot of hard work, but its definitely worth it.

I actually prefer the numbing as well. When I do have something that snaps me out of it I can go from numb to rage in an instant. Then after the rage I'm back to almost a surreal state. It's weird, so I welcome the numbing. I just wish I knew how to control it when I want or need to.

Yes! I get this too. Sometimes I am numb but want/need to show emotion to a situation that feelings are valid for and I can't! It really can be irritating when you want to feel and just can't turn the numbing off. I do like being numb but man when I want to feel something I just don't know how to access it.

I hate it when I am numb. It is my worst enemy and my curse. I have no idea when I am numb. Cause I'm gone. Dead. No contact. When I'm numb I can communicate and even chat cheerfully, but I'm not real. I'm not there. Nothing or no one can reach me or touch me. I have realized that this numbness is very dangerous for me. 14 months ago my 20 years long therapy ended in a disaster because of that numbness. After the closure session, when I got home and woke up I went straight to hell. For about two months I struggled to stay in touch with reality. I could not get in touch with my T because he had retired. I am still struggling with the consequences of that termination. I'm afraid that the termination with my T has given me another trauma on top of the original, and I don't even know what the original trauma is about because whenever we tried to approach it in the therapy I turned numb. I believe it serves as some kind of protection, like a survival strategy. But it is also my worst destroyer. I want to be ALIVE! But I don't know how any more.

This reaction is all about "abandonment". You had someone you spent a lot of time with, someone who validated you and listened to you. Having that person suddenly "not there" IS traumatic.

This is something that "therapists" should not be allowed to do with their patients, they should make sure their patients are established with a new therapist that is up to speed on them and can actually be there for them as they continue working through their issues.

This can be just as bad as losing a "close parent" to someone.

Yes, I am sure you want to be "ALIVE" and the only way to get there is to understand this challenge, deep challenge you have with "abandonment".
I am sure this goes all the way back for you too, I know it does for "me".
I have actually been abandoned several times over the course of my lifetime. I just never realized the depth of the damage it caused to my psychie. The truth is, a lot of people don't consciously realize it, after all "we are only human and are designed to want nurturing and companionship". I finally found a really nice T myself and if he suddenly opted out somehow, I am sure it would challenge me deeply too as I have been with him for about 2 years now and feel he knows me and I can trust him and he totally understands the challenges of PTSD.

((((Hugs)))))
OE