[Meglegpeg]

I just wanted to share a little hope with anyone who might need it. I came to this forum many times in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep because of nightmares and flashbacks and would look for healing success stories (CSA, incest). I felt like I lived in a dark pit, and there was no way out. I felt like damaged goods, like no one would want me if they knew what happened (after the memories came back, when I started to realize myslf what happened), and that it was all my fault. I was sure at would never get out of the pit, I just wanted to know how to exist in there a little less painfully.

Fast forward a few years, and I am out of the pit! I found a really great therapist, did an extremely thorough series of diagnostic tests, and got the PTSD diagnosis.

For two years, I participated in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and it was excruciatingly painful. I was nauseous so frequently from thinking about the memories I didn't have lunch until after our sessions. But for me, that was the only way out. I did it, I accept the past, and it doesn't hold me back. I think I'll always need to do a check up every few years, but I'm miles better! I have a loving husband I trust, a great intimate relationship, and my touch aversion is much better. And no more constant nightmares and flashbacks thank god. I don't wonder if everyone is going to violate me like I used to. The world is just a brighter, happier place. I wish the same for all of you. Hang in there my strong fellow survivors, you've survived the abuse. You are incredible and amazing and you have my support! Feel free to email me.

[MotownJohnny]

Originally Posted by Meglegpeg

I just wanted to share a little hope with anyone who might need it. I came to this forum many times in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep because of nightmares and flashbacks and would look for healing success stories (CSA, incest). I felt like I lived in a dark pit, and there was no way out. I felt like damaged goods, like no one would want me if they knew what happened (after the memories came back, when I started to realize myslf what happened), and that it was all my fault. I was sure at would never get out of the pit, I just wanted to know how to exist in there a little less painfully.

Fast forward a few years, and I am out of the pit! I found a really great therapist, did an extremely thorough series of diagnostic tests, and got the PTSD diagnosis.

For two years, I participated in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and it was excruciatingly painful. I was nauseous so frequently from thinking about the memories I didn't have lunch until after our sessions. But for me, that was the only way out. I did it, I accept the past, and it doesn't hold me back. I think I'll always need to do a check up every few years, but I'm miles better! I have a loving husband I trust, a great intimate relationship, and my touch aversion is much better. And no more constant nightmares and flashbacks thank god. I don't wonder if everyone is going to violate me like I used to. The world is just a brighter, happier place. I wish the same for all of you. Hang in there my strong fellow survivors, you've survived the abuse. You are incredible and amazing and you have my support! Feel free to email me.

Great. I myself am getting there. I have anxiety, but not the gut-wrenching overwhelming fear and panic of prior year.

[Aiuto]

I am also doing the cognitive behavior therapy.I tend to get angry after reliving the traumas.I am trying to do it, but struggling within myself with some of the "work arounds" I am taught to do.Thank you for sharing your story it gives me hope.

[Meglegpeg]

You know I had a really bad time with the anger too. I was just so solidly full of hateful rage, I didn't know what to do with it. I didn't have a place to put it or way to get around it. I think I just started crying when I felt so frustrated about not knowing what do to with the anger ball, and the crying really helped. If that makes any sense at all. I just let it out through crying, (and screaming in the car) and just sinking and letting myself feel the weight of it all. And then I would leave the house so I didn't get stuck in a paralyzed depression pit.