[spiritlost]

my trigger occurred many years ago i have seen psychologists and psychiatrists and tried many meds..i was naive as a young man and unable to cope with a relationship breakdown i drank and self injured..i went to see a priest i was deperate for solace..the priest swore at me for disturbing his tea and called the police..wanting to hide the blood i put my hands in my pockets and refused to remove them in front of the police cos i was so ashamed..the police hit me hard in the stomach knocking me to the ground i took out my hands to break my fall..the police saw the blood and put me in the car to go to the station..they put plaster on my wounds which irritated them and i pulled off..i was then thrown against the wall with such force that my back dislodged a metal towel dipenser..they told me i was wasting police resources..i was then made to sit at a desk and i was asked for my name..again i was ashamed and refused to answer..each time i didnt answer i was hit with a fist from behind to one side of the head or the other and each time i was hit 4 police stood to one side and laughed..it was an insane environment..this went on for a half hour..finally one took his gun and placed it in my mouth and threatened to send me to the mental hospital...i thought it must have been worse..i cant forget and i cant forgive

[yellowfrog268]

Holy Crap!!!

Although I'm here in the USA and not Australia, I'm thinking that it's not ok for the police there to behave like that.

[Piraeus]

Hi spiritlost. I'm sorry you had to go through that with the police. I would have had a panic attack. What's happened to our justice system? A lot of people that have returned from Afghanistan and Iraq are coming home and being hired as cops. They are violent and
aggressive. They are using military tactics on innocent civilians. It has become guilty before innocent, instead of innocent before guilty. It's too bad you couldn't get pictures of all the bruises. Then they could be sued for police brutality.

Piraeus

[Open Eyes]

(((spiritlost))),

I have been hurt/abused many times and I also struggle with anger and forgive?, that's a tough one.

After spending a lot of time in therapy and thought, I have realized that unfortunately many people out there can be negative and do not know about genuine psychological challenges. And unfortunately there are a lot of people who are selfish and disrespectful of others and yes, some of these people have "power" that they really should not have.

When it comes to the police, well, they get up every day and go to work and when they get calls it is always revolving around something bad, someone angry, someone doing something bad, and they have to always be aware of their own lives being in danger too. They do not really make very good money either, considering how much they really "put at risk of themselves every day".

It is no wonder that after a while these policemen would become "angry individuals" because their jobs are all about seeing "the bad" in the world, and there really "is" a lot of bad out there in the world.

What was done to you was "wrong" and it really sounds like you were exposed to a group of police officers that have grown into angry resentful men and they took out their anger on you.

It was not so much a personal attack on you, what you experienced is how badly these officer's mentalities have gotten due to the nature of their work. Even though you were "abused", and you were and have a right to be angry, what you really got to see is "how bad their state of mind has become" as I mentioned. Often they are "protected" too because there is this overall understanding in that group of people that the job itself is such constant "negative" psychological experiences, that "anger" is often just beneath the surface and it can turn into these people treating people like you "badly".

Actually the rate of police officers and emergency workers developing PTSD is very high. So they themselves can be triggered and angry people that may be stuck in a hyper vigilant state of mind. Often without realizing it these people become "desensitized" so much that they "don't feel "empathy" in a normal way".

It "is" difficult to think about "the all around psychological" confusion in what you experienced. It is definitely "wrong" and "abusive" too. However, the only way that you can really understand it is if you actually could experience the tremendous negativity that these people are exposed to every day. No, it is "no excuse" and it doesn't make it "right" in anyway either. However, it is a reality that takes place and these people begin to often "defend their bad behaviors" because of the nature of that job.

We tend to think of "police officers" as people who are there to "help" us when we need it. We think of them as defending "what is right against what is wrong". But we don't really understand or consider the "impact" that profession has on the psyche. One of the things I "do consider" is how "hurt people hurt people".

I have experienced so many bad things from individuals that I really thought should "know better" that it put me into a horrible state of mind and really injured my psyche to where I developed full blown PTSD. Well, I certainly never imagined the challenges that PTSD presents, and I certainly never imagined the way I would be even further abused by others for something that I genuinely could not help or understand what it meant or how to control myself from experiencing the symptoms. The truth is that the average person simply knows little or nothing about PTSD and unfortunately the result of that is they respond to it in ways that are dismissive and only serve to further "aggravate' the condition.

It is "very important" that you make it a point to seek out people who "do" understand it and can offer you the "support" you need so you can slowly "heal".

OE

[Gus1234U]

we don't forgive to free others from the consequences of their behavior, but to free ourselves from the chains of suffering~! let go of that fiery coal of anger, stop the burning yourself.

memory is happening now, the past is gone, never to be revisited, except in our memory now. take the poison out of that memory, it was only a day, it is not a whole life.

such things are easily said, i know. to do them is a long hard job. but to never start is to never finish. i hope you are able to shake yourself and change the things you say to yourself: i WILL let go of this anger; i WILL let this memory fade.... i am doing this little by little, day by day, and one day i will be done~!

best wishes~
Gus

[rep97]

I read through your post and didn't read all cuz it was so violent. But I have been stopped by police for various reasons as well and once attacked by police too for no reason. I filed a complaint and the investigator offered an 'apology' from the cop and I refused. Now the investigation is done by an impartial organization so I might re-file it again. But I have been stopped so many times by police because of my anxiety and symptoms etc. and I am going to file a complaint for every single time because well.. even though it has been a long time ago.

[Muppy]

I read thru your post and what you endured was horrifying. Open Eyes and Gus1234 both made an excellent point. As for me, I doubt this attack was aimed at you personally. Because of the dynamics that night, what happened, happened. If it hadn't been you, it would have been someone else. Be assured I am making no excuses for that behavior. Unfortunately we have some jobs where the atmosphere is so very difficult, scary, and angry, that we have a developed a whole group of people who do not look for the good in people. Many of them feel powerless for whatever reason, so they exert power over others any chance they get.

I am so sorry for what you endured. My hope is that you will heal from this and go forward with a better understanding of what complex creatures we are, and how what we do can change us...for bad or good.

Be well, and take care of yourself.