[circles5]

Warning: potential triggers.

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Hi, firstly I was given a partial diagnosis for PTSD 3 years ago, due to various assaults and being struck by lightning.... + more..
But I didn't really have flashbacks and wasn't very effected by it, so I did not meet full criteria...

So last night:
I was very drunk and am currently on long term diazepam (I'm aware how unwise combining the two is; and am trying to stop drinking....)

Anyhow In the middle of having a great time with some really nice people i'd just met that night.... i went to the shop to get some beers, and being as unusually talkative and social as i am when messed up on alcohol ...
i got talking to a mercenary....
Long story short he proudly told me about some of the atrocities he had committed..... Including murder, In detail.
And for some stupid reason I couldn't leave or didn't have the sense to.

But then he was describing how he could fight anyone with his bare hands and told me what he did to someone who 'tried it on' which was very disturbing....

I was uneasy at this point and trying to think how I could get away, and then he sprung forward and grabbed my throat with both of his hands... And squeezed really hard, only for just over a second... But three seconds of that and I would've passed out, he grabbed me hard on the 'jugular' or whatever the part of the neck is that supplies your brain with blood..
(He was apparently 'demonstrating' his technique)

I then created some space when he let go, rounded up the 'conversation' and left....

I carried on to the shop to get beers thinking wtf.
My throat really hurt, and is still sore today.

then having bought my beers i headed back to the cool people I was with and enjoyed another hour and a half with them,...

I didn't really think about it too much more the rest of that night....

But today I'm getting constant flashbacks; as if I'm still in that moment..
And feeling quite a powerful fear persistently - which peaks intensely as soon as the flashbacks start...

Now I've been wandering if I'm just scared I let myself be that vulnerable.. And was stupid enough to talk to someone who was obviously very dangerous...
Or if I've developed a mild form of PTSD.... As I've never felt like this after other traumatic experiences..... Not even after my two near death accidents... (Not including lightning)

I just have it playing over and over in my mind, I feel a bit detached from everything - not due to a hangover, I didn't really drink that much actually...
I'm just very unsettled..

Got therapy soon, for my OCD and bdd.... But, I hope this feeling goes..
I really hope that @sshole hasn't caused me PTSD ....

Man, some people...

Regards
Circles


Edit: I don't know why the trophy emoctition is in the title, I chose no icon....????

[transientsoul]

Uh.... and you didn't call the police on this dude why?

[circles5]

No idea, I'm not used to having a mobile phone.... Just got one a few days ago for the first time in years....
And I was kin dove in shock, or something.... I just wanted to get away fast.

[avlady]

That's awful, try to call the police as he may do this to someone else with worse results like death!!!!!!

[circles5]

I'm scared to call the police.... They bring back bad memories for me.
I've never been arrested or involved in criminal activity... But a few years ago a family member was arrested/trial and I don't want those memories to resurface...

Plus I have A mistrust of the police due to the way I've been treated by them in the past....: half an hour in handcuffs shoved up against a wall (so that it hurt) because I matched the description of a burglar: aka hoody and white......
They also told me I looked like a crack addict - when I was actually was on Prozac and suffering a panic attack....

But I think it is the right thing to do.... I just don't have faith in the police,,, and hate having to deal with them..

Thanks for the concern avlady.

All the best
Cx

[ocdwifeofsociopath]

wow i'm sorry about the police incidents. I'll bet he did not give you ptsd, but that your ocd is the real culprit. (I am not qualified to say though) I'm surprised he was so open about the things he's done....

[avlady]

i hope you can find some way to get over this it could even leave you with PTSD in the future, so if you can talk to someone about it maybe that would help?I've also had very bad experiences with the police, most of them themselves are egomaniacs and don't understand anything about mental illness other than making fun of them. Even though, i hope you get what you need and i'm sorry about your experiences with the police, i totally understand.

[TheJettSet27]

Lordy lord, struck by lightning? That's some intense stuff right there.
Everybody has said what needs to be said, and it's good advice.
I give you a virtual hug *hugs* and my best of wishes!

[circles5]

Thank you all. I really appreciate it.
Imma get some sleep now, kind'ove wiped out...

Gnight,
Cx