I finally started to disclose some trauma info in therapy that ive never talked about ever in 30+ yrs. Several things, he had to call me a couple times to keep me from disconnecting, I acknoledged the trauma but never went into detail, and i don't remember parts of it. During the session I developed intermittent tremors that I thought would go away and here two weeks later I still have them on and off. Never had it before I had therapy. I never made another appointment, thinking that if im already getting these tremors and I only admitted the trauma, what will happen to me if I actually have to talk about the trauma? Those spots I don't remember? Are they not remembered because its so long ago or to scary? I have a family, job and life. I don't want to get worse and im already on shaky ground and im thinking if im already shaking when I only acknoledged the trauma, what can I ecspect to happen physically as time goes on? I don't know if ill go back and im a little scared right now.

[MotownJohnny]

My opinion is it has to get worse before it gets better. Therapy can be really tough, it only works if you are open about things. If you are developing problems such as a tremor, tell them about it, they can no doubt explain it to you and help you get past it. I don't think you can expect to get better without professional help, I guess you could try to stay status quo, but if that isn't great to begin with...

Good luck, this stuff is hard.

I agree with MowtownJohnny, things are going to get harder before they get better.
But perhaps you can look into learning some skills in therapy that will help you deal with the toughness of talking about the trauma in therapy? That way when you feel as if you are getting worse, you can recover more quickly than you would if you did not have skills? Skills like mindfulness can be helpful when trying to stay present in talking about something traumatic. You may not be ready to talk about the trauma yet, perhaps just working on some coping might be helpful in the meantime before going into the details of the trauma.

I hope this helps.
I wish you the best.

[Open Eyes]

(((Newfie girl))),

Well, you have been struggling enough to reach out for help. I think the question is, how are you struggling? You have "depression" as one of your diagnoses, but if you "are' in fact struggling with PTSD, the PTSD will not go away unless you make a decision to finally "work through it".

I had childhood trauma myself and I always felt that "I better just keep it to myself" and I also felt that "if I had survived it, then just keep going forward and do my best to "forget about it". What I honestly didn't realize is that it never did really go away, what I ended up doing is just developing "coping methods" that helped me "feel a sense of control" somehow.

When a child is "traumatized" it affects that person the rest of their lives. People tend to believe that "they must never tell" because "no one is really going to understand it anyway". Also some people just begin to believe, well it's over, I will just keep going and forget that part of my life, I seem to be "ok" now anyway, I think I have found a way to make peace with it, so why bother talking about it, anyway, who wants to even think about it anyway, it's just too uncomfortable.

I remember being in therapy because I developed PTSD and I needed to figure out how to manage it better. When my T asked me about my childhood, I would not talk about it because I felt it had nothing to do with my current challenges. Well, finally I touched on it just by asking about CSA and a member I read about in PC. My therapist then talked about how "common" it was and how some people develop coping methods. When I realized how much he knew, it was the first time I was able to say "me too" without going into "depth" with him. I began to have flashbacks out of the blue and then I finally began to "talk about it".

I do remember that strong sense of "I better not talk about it" though. It is a very hard thing to open up and talk about. However, once you can take that plunge, so many things begin to make sense.

OE

[MotownJohnny]

Also, remember you can do therapy at your own pace. If you aren't ready to jump right into the worst of it, tell the therapist you have to work up to it, and that you need her/his help to get there. Therapy can be hard on you emotionally, but should never be harmful long term. It's a process that takes a while.

Thank you all for your feed back. Its much valued. Im afraid of losing control and getting worse.

[splitimage]

Any good therapist, particularly a trauma therapist, will spend time, often quite a good bit of time on safety first, helping you develop coping or grounding strategies that you can use to soothe yourself if memories become overwhelming, before you actually start work on processing any trauma.

The goal of trauma therapy is not to overwhelm you, or necessarily dig through every detail of the past, but to look at how the past trauma impacts your life today, and work on improving that.

I know trauma therapy can be scary, and it is really hard and intense, but it can be really helpful.

splitimage

[Gus1234U]

a dear friend posted these reminders of the skills we have or can develop to cope with stress, anxiety and PTSD. i hope they are of use to you~

Quote: [My therapist gave me a card with these coping tips. They take some practice but have been helpful.

Coping With Anxiety and Panic

1. Remember, feelings of panic are just exaggerations of normal bodily stress reactions.

2. Sensations are neither harmful nor dangerous - just unpleasant. Nothing worse will happen.

3. Anxiety is temporary. Instead of fighting it, relax into it. Just let it be.

4. Focus on facing the fear rather than trying to avoid it or escape from it.

5. Stop adding to the panic with frightening thoughts of where panic will lead.

6. Stay in the present. Be aware of what is happening to you rather than concern yourself with how much worse it might get.

7. Notice that when you stop adding to panic with frightening thoughts, the fear begins to fade.

8. Wait and give the fear time to pass.

9. Look around you. Plan what you will do next as the panic subsides.

10. When you are ready to go on, do so in an easy, relaxed manner. There is no hurry.

11. Think about the progress made so far despite all the difficulties.]

Breathe, count, eat something, take a break.

there is also a post in the PTSD forum, Anxiety Management Skills, that you might find useful ~
'
best wishes
Gus