[MotownJohnny]

Someone actually pointed that out to me in a reply to a previous thread I had posted last week. It is true, of course.

I was sitting here thinking "only two more days until my weekly therapy appointment". It feels weird because it is on Thursdays now, the day of the week bounces around depending upon her schedule, it has been either Monday or Tuesday since late winter.

The realization is that I wait in anticipation for that hour a week, or the appointment with the psychiatrist every 4-8 weeks, for "answers".

And, that means I am wasting the other 167 hours in the week, or the other 671 hours in that month by brooding about a past I can't change. Because these people are only able to offer guidance, they can't actually "fix" anything. I have to do that.

[Moodswing]

My T said to me.....which made me see him in a different light.....that there is nothing he will say that will make me better. Really?! Then why am I sitting in front of you? I guess he was telling me that it is up to the client to get better on their own and to make the necessary changes. If that is the case then how come everyone does not get better with just reading self help therapy books?

[Aiuto]

I am sorry you are going threw this acceptance. You are correct nobody can fix us but us!There is medication to help and T's to direct us on how to fix ourselves. But this is nothing like a broken limb. From the start of my recovery of many diagnosis from an accident, the team of M.D.s all told me "There is only one person in this room that can do this....and it is not me"! I was thinking ok I can do my physical therapy, meditation, vestibular etc at home while I do not see them.

Well did it seem easy to say but it is hard to do because dealing physically, emotionally, mentally, trying to learn a new life, watching friendships fall apart etc.

That was it when I really figured out by what the M.D.s were saying months ago "I have to do this"! I use all the isolation time doing all I need to do for me and to work threw the laundry list of diagnosis. It sux but we can do this self care it takes time but it will pay off greater in the end because we are doing this and making it threw the battles we are going threw.

I wish you the best

[HealingNSuffering]

This is true, my therapist tells me I'm the one who's making all the progress here not her. They only show you the way, I'm sure you've heard this before "lead a horse to water but can't make it drink" this is true. I think focusing too much on the past doesn't help, during the first month of my therapy that's all we talked about was my traumatic past. Then we started focusing on coping skills, and trying to remember some positive things about my past. Every session I remember something else traumatic that happened in the past that we discuss, also talk about current issues that I'm trying to deal with etc.

I also look forward to going to therapy meetings, and think its better off if you just write down what it is you are brooding over instead of obsessing over it in your brain. Keeping all those thoughts in your mind will only serve to drag you down. Putting them down on paper then getting on with the rest of your life seems to be the better option in my case anyways. I bring a sheet of traumatic events every time I come to therapy and we discuss as many as we can in one session. When the meeting is done I destroy the paper, symbolizing that that part of my past is no longer weighing me down. Talking about the trauma/thinking about the trauma is triggering.

[MotownJohnny]

Don't be sorry, I think it's a good thing. I've really been wallowing in it the past few weeks, seriously wallowing. I have been so much more proactive for a long time, with very good progress over all, except for a couple of sticking points. It seems I suddenly lack the motivation. I do honestly think some of that is depression coming back. So I am going to ask the doc for a prescription for a mild SSRI, probably just good old Prozac will do it.

I want to get back to where I was, really motivated to fix myself.

One thing that seriously bothers me is I suddenly don't have the will to do my workout routine, which has been so emotionally important to me in the past year. I haven't ran in 2 weeks (although I did have minor surgery on my leg which contraindicated that for a few days). Biking suddenly lost its joy. Couldn't get in the pool for a week because of the incision. Did keep my appts with my one PT because I love working with him and it ain't cheap. Even backslid on my diet. That all indicates depression as stated above.

I know I won't get anything out of self-help books, since I don't read them. Same reason I won't win the lottery, since the last time I played it was 1985.

[HealingNSuffering]

From my understanding of neuroscience low motivation has nothing to do with Serotonin and the Prozac probably won't do crap to resolve your low motivation. I also suffer from low motivation, Dopamine is the chemical your brain is low on when you are low in motivation. Dopamine regulates the motivation to act, study shows

Here's a video about dopamine, motivation and confidence. The Dr. even gives you non-pharmaceutical ways to increase your dopamine.

if that doesn't work you could always ask the doctor for a MAO inhibitor.

Prozac has a tendency to "poop out" due to increased tolerance and stop working and even make your depression harder to treat in the future by wearing out your serotonin receptor. Prozac is also full of fluoride which destroys your pineal gland, the hormone gland in the center of your brain that creates your serotonin and melatonin (for sleep) naturally.

[MotownJohnny]

Did not know that. The video was interesting. I'm
doing a high P low carb diet. Which I completely screwed up - probably contributing to the problem. I will certainly ask the Doc about this.

[Open Eyes]

What "I" have found that has "helped" me is that my revisiting the past isn't about "changing it", it is about "understanding how it affected me" in ways I didn't really "realize" before. I "compensated" in ways where, some were good and some were not all that healthy for me, I just didn't "know" it.

When I first developed PTSD, I never wanted to talk about my childhood. I had really thought I had "made peace with it", I didn't realize it affected me more than I thought it did.

It is true that "we "learn" to "fix" ourselves while we are in "therapy" and no a therapist "doesn't fix us", however, what they "do help with", is they become that person we always needed in our lives and just didn't have".

A "good" therapist is someone who really "understands complex PTSD and how the average person is "hurt" when they suffer from PTSD. They "learn" how to "guide" their patients as their patients slowly learn about whatever they may have been "injured" by that harmed them more then they realized. Often people grow up in "dysfunction" and they have been hurt by that more then they realized. In therapy, probably for the first time, they get that "hurt" validated, learn they are not as alone as they thought, and then with time they learn how to finally "grieve" whatever they have lost (sense of value and safety) and begin to learn "to overcome in spite of it".

So, in a way, a therapist becomes a "good friend" but is more knowing, and they are also supposed to be "someone we can trust" to finally just open up with. They are not there for us to "please" either, and that in itself takes time to understand too.

Therapy is really more about finally "learning about yourself" and have a willingness to be open with not only the therapist, but "self" as well. It is really more about "learning" more than anything else, learning how to finally "help self in new ways" other then whatever "dysfunctional" messages the patient received in their past.

OE

[HealingNSuffering]

That was a good post OE.

Johnny, you should really look into more sources of tryptophan in your diet such as Sunflower seeds, Chocolate, Dates, Yogurt, Red Meat, Bananas, Peanuts, Chickpeas etc... Do not cut too much carbs out of your diet, you still need plenty of carbs to serve as the "catalyst" for your tryptophan so the tryptophan can produce serotonin in your brain. Increasing it in your diet will also help you sleep good at night and relieve a lot of the stress you are going through right now. When you are feeling low, you crave carbs because they boost your mood, carbs are "comfort foods" that pick us up when we are down.

Tyrosine comes from the high protein diet which should be balanced with carbs from whole grains. Tyrosine in your diet can increase dopamine and norepinephrine through a process called decarboxlyation. Tyrosine is found in foods like Cheese, Chicken, Turkey, Fish, Peanuts, Almonds, Avocados, Sesame seeds, Bananas, Lima Beans and Soy Products. I won't touch soy because it can lead to hypothyroidism.

Shouldn't cut out too many carbs out of your diet or it can actually lead to depression. Stay away from carbs like sugar and white breads and stick to whole grains and carbs are harmless. The brain needs glucose in order to feel good, whole grains burn slow and give us energy. White bread and processed sugars burn fast and cause mood swings. You could always see a nutritionist to come up with your own personal diet plan based on your wants and needs. Hope this helps, sorry if its off topic.

[Open Eyes]

Oh HealingNSuffering, thanks and I don't think you are off topic at all. I appreciate your post about nutrition too.

No wonder why I "crave chocolate" so much. I also have a tendency to "crave carbs too.

I have been thinking about going on the Protein diet that I used to use where I lost weight and always "felt better".

OE