Hi Folks, I'm asking for help, but I don't know what the question should be. I have an ex. She's a BPD. She's also my business partner. I'm kind of ashamed of that last part, so I'm going to... hey, look over there!

I am not unused to verbal abuse or insults from strangers or family. (Evidently a chigger is not just an insect.) But I have one paragraph that illustrates daily life for three years with her. I'm not even sure what the argument was (or that there was one).

She screamed at me so violently in words and action that I ended up balled into a fetal position at her feet. After that, she leaned down at my head and continued to scream at me for what ended up being the next 2 hours. That really wasn't the highlight of my day.

Somehow I got her to go to therapy. I deserve a medal for that. She's healthier now. Me not so much. She verbally jabs at me when I set my boundaries. And when that jab comes, I completely wig out for about an hour: shaking, confused and verbally violent all in one convenient package.

On top of that, her way of asking for help is to tell me I'm inadequate. I have pretty much the same reaction then. Before I met her, there was a game we played at work. We had to use one word to describe each other. The word they gave me was "calm". So this isn't normal and I'm looking for help from people who understand.

My question is, what am I supposed to ask now?

[Open Eyes]

You need to take steps to find a therapist you can work through this with. You have been in an "abusive" relationship and you are now showing signs of being badly affected by that. IMHO, you are showing signs of "victim mentality" and you are also trying to stay in a relationship where you have been "walking on eggshells" and you never seem to make any "real gains" on how you end up being "blamed and the person who is basically a punching bag". You are not a professional that can understand and "treat" this challenging behavior pattern that comes with someone suffering from BPD. IMHO, most people who struggle with BPD also have PTSD too, and that is also challenging for people to understand too.

OE