[MotownJohnny]

I just posted a big "editorial" on the general MH board.

I'm feeling sad now -- it's so hard to accept myself as someone with a "mental illness" -- I don't like even saying that term, I prefer "mental health issue" or just say "I have issues".

I am so sad about this, I have been for 14 months. I don't want to feel "less than" or like a second class citizen, or an outsider, or "other". Like I should be feared or shunned or abandoned.

What did I do wrong to make me feel this way? And, what did I do wrong to make society view people like me, like us here, that way? Sure, a handful of "bad actors" do cause trouble, the mass shooters, the really disturbed who aren't being properly treated and do bad things. That has nothing to do with the reality of my life, nothing.

I should be working, I'm sitting here typing this, because all I really want to do is cry. I DON'T DESERVE THIS. WE DON'T DESERVE THIS.

Another Bon Jovi song, "I Want To Be Loved:

I had a roof overhead
Had shoes on my feet
Sure I was fed, but no-one was there
When I was in need, yeah

So who am I now?
Who do you want me to be?
I can forgive you, but I won't relive you
I aint the same scared kid I used to be

I'm gonna live
I'm gonna survive
Don't want the world to pass me by
I'm gonna dream
I aint gonna die
Thinking my life was just a lie
I wanna be loved
I wanna be loved

[(JD)]

Sweetie, the world can't hate you--it doesn't even know you!
I'm sorry the reality is so hard to take...
btw I prefer to say "mental unwellness" because MOST everyone fits into that box at least once in their life!

Try not to go places in your mind that are non-sequiturs. "I don't deserve this" means nothing to your healing, and worse to your current self esteem. I mean that begs the question of just "WHOM" does deserve "this"... and what is "this" anyway?

Check out the 10 cognitive distortions and what to do about them in the Psychology Forum... and once you feel safe enough to uncurl from that comforting fetal position...work on healing. You can do this. Small steps, baby steps... and we're all here rooting for you too!

[gayleggg]

I feel the same way. Your post made me cry, when I should be working, because I could relate so well to it. Thanks for posting it.

[JaneC]

Johnny, I am sorry you are feeling this way hun and wish I were able to offer you a hug IRL...often that is all we need.

I think there is far too much stigma in society for people with mental health challenges. This is how I talk about my own, and others...'challenges'. Not disorders, illness or other unempowering and less than positive ways of describing them. They are like any physical health concern such as asthma, diabetes or a broken bone.....I wish more people would see that.

And as for what others think of you hun....really that is none of your business. They know not what they speak of! You know you, you know at your heart the type of person you are and we see it here. So I say.... EFF THEM.(pardon me, sometimes I am not as ladylike as you may think). You come across here as a kind man who has his own challenges.

Look back over an old post of yours where you listed some of your positive attributes...they are all pretty good.

[MotownJohnny]

Thank you.