[ResaLock]

I am new here and still trying to figure out the complexities of where I am supposed to post and where I am not. So I hope this is correct. It would be a shame if I wrote and it is not. I guess the restriction would be obvious before hand. So here goes.
I thought I would start in an area I have main issues with, and just post with sympathies that could be shared with others, or hoping other can relate or have trouble with.
I believe many people with all sorts of suffering have problems with holidays. I particularly have problems with observing what are the main holidays;Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and others, such as mothers day, birthdays, Valentines, Easter etc.
Much of it has a lot to do with family assemblies, people coming together who show a love for each other. To me their only reminders of how much I am hated, and my loses in life. People who give and took my life from me. Celebration of birth and people who think the world would be better off if I were never born. Yup! All those claimed holidays speak of love, celebration of birth, new beginnings, thanksgivings, life, etc.
I can't see people who claim they partake in these things and excited about it, as many people have stood there in their own hypocrisies, standing at a distance as though I am not one deserving of it, treated like a inconvenience to be stomped on.
I look from a distance of those who celebrate these days, who have abused me in one way or another, and their either the cause of your grief and trauma of they blame you for it, and make you out to be some sort of freek if you talk about it, question it or show a distress or discomfort from it. Then they blame you that its your own fault if your the one not happy.
They brand you as a scrooge, or something wrong with you.
It seems they make these days to celebrate their own happiness, when many of them caused your grief.
Holidays become triggering points, people you don't want to encounter, who trigger, show up unexpectedly or unexpectedly that you may not want to see.
Its either you stand alone, or stand alone in a crowd of people who are family and past friends, and you cannot decide which is worse. Being alone and avoiding, or being alone and tormented. Being alone either way is tormenting.

[MotownJohnny]

Hi, welcome. Don't worry about where you post, if a topic is better off somewhere else a moderator will move it.

Holidays per se don't bother me, but I think they could if I have it just a little thought and dredged up memories of things past. But I certainly know the feeling of being forced to be around family members who look down on you. All I can say is you need to find a way to break the cycle.

[A Red Panda]

I find Christmas and my birthday to be hugely triggering, followed quickly by New Years. I do my best to spend them alone or with people that I barely know.

I still get excited about them though - but the closer it gets to the holiday, the quicker that dissipiates!

[ResaLock]

I have found that in the past to be really helpful, is to spend it with people you barely know. I have actually in the past went to soup kitchens and also volunteered on the holidays. It was very therapeutic. I have went to soup kitchens because I stopped cooking, and almost stopped eating, and was dropping weight fast. I would only cook eggs. I was invited there by someone and I ate there in gratitude. I had money to eat and buy food. I just couldn't handle going to the store or even cooking. There is no room there to concern yourself with your own troubles. They all have it. I started eating again...it also changed my picky eating traits for a while. ...but you are 100% correct!!! It is easier to spend it with people you barely know. It may even make it better. Especially if some of them stand in the same place in mind.

[ResaLock]

Thanks for the tips also on posting and breaking cycles. I have tried these by using other means. Even looking at the times from standing in different stand points of mind. I find to pretend people are something else, or avoid who them isn't realistic or healthy. I am not saying you are saying that. Just speaking from what I have tried. I am sure others have also. ..but you are right.

I am glad for you that you get excited about that. Thank you for sharing that. I do find excitement for others often who enjoy things I find it hard to enjoy if its someone for all the right reasons.