[sweepy62]

Let me explain, I have csa history which I remember from ages 7 to 12, some I dont remember and are fuzzy and some I remember clearly, I am in therapy and recently am talking about,I am experiencing nightmares and intrusive memories and flashbacks.

Even way before therapy I have had flashbacks. It started when I first became intimate with my husband around the age of 22, these memories and flashbacks flooded me. When we were about to become intimate , I suddenly started getting anxiety, getting numb, when he would touch me, (not even the most intimate part of the act yet) I would get terrible pelvic pain, my who body would start itching like a bad allergic reaction, especially my legs and feet, then I felt a severe tingling sensation like when your foot falls asleep then wakes up.

I then had this bad taste in my mouth , sometimes made me nauseaus , all along I made myself pretend , but sometimes i had to stop, I cried like a baby and curled up , felt so so dirty and ashamed, ran to the shower and stayed there for a while.

My h does not know anything of my history, this has been many years ago, but every time we became intimate it was the same, so I drank to subside the feelings, it took care of it somewhat, but did not take care of the shame and guilt.

Recently I had a terrible nightmare and flashback, with the same exact feelings and sensations in my body seemed so so so real, I still can not shake it off.

So is this possible to feel all these sensations.
Have not told my t yet of these sensations.

[Leah123]

Absolutely. Flashbacks are very often a multi-sensory experience.

Some refer to this phenomenon as body-memory, though in the most technical modern sense, they're a bit different.

The simplified explanation (current theory) is that traumatic memories may be recorded/encoded differently than regular memories, incompletely or in a haphazard fashion as stress and fear cause chemical reactions that change how the memories are stored, so they are sometimes stored as fragments, isolated sensory experiences, etc., not as run-of-the-mill narrative type memories.

Here's an article by a leading expert in somatic trauma work: Healing Trauma and Post Traumatic Stress Disorders

[sweepy62]

Leah thank you so much for this article.

[Patagonia]

I can understand your post although mine is not as severe. I'm sorry you have to experience that & it leads to such terrible feelings.
I've also heard it called body memory. During my flashbacks sometimes I get pain too in the pelvic area & this feeling that I have to make myself smaller to disappear. My H says he's seen me go stiff as a board & tense all my muscles but freeze up. Ido t know much about this one except it makes me very tired.
I'd say it's something you definitely wanto share w/ your T about so she can help you w/ some grounding techniques.
I hope you find the help you're looking for.

Yes i have had body memories too with flash backs.

[Alishia88]

It sounds very intense. I don´t know about the relationship with your husband,
but I can it imagine it would help to tell him about it, also so that he can understand you and maybe comfort you?

I can only imagine that it would help myself tremendously to tell my boyfriend about this, so he could be there for me..