[JaneC]

I had a gyneacology hospital appointment this morning and during the procedure i started to cry and wanted to run away. Lots of memories flashing through my head!!

Does anyone else experience this?

I feel awful now....sitting in recovery too shaky and dizzy to walk. Did not expect this at all. Ugh!

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[sweepy62]

I'm so sorry, I keep canceling mine. Last time I went was three years ago and I felt so violated I cried , I was so tensed that it hurt.

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[JaneC]

Violated is the right word.....I felt re-violated. Because of the memories that came up, the thoughts associated with them and my intense feeling of shame and guilt is overwhelming...especially on top of a deepening period of depression.

I hate PTSD right now!

I saw my T this afternoon after being at hospital and was able to tell him a little of what happened....but even there I was experiencing flashes of memories that just made me feel so.......I don't even know. I just feel removed from myself right now. I can barely move off the sofa.

I just don't feel like I can do this anymore.......I am too raw, too overwhelmed and can't see an end in sight. This is overwhelming me on top of all the other stressors right now.....

I don't know what to do, and have no one to turn to.

[Auntie2014]

Any OB/GYN appointment is difficult for me so I make sure I have my "emergency distractions" with me and someone to drive me home after.

[ResaLock]

((((TRIGGERING))))))

Yup! I thought it would be ok seeing a woman. Its not. I had to go my GYN for an emergency. Because I had bleech unknowingly still sitting in the soap dish. YEA! OUCH!
I avoided the previous appointment. I had made at a prior time. For a check-up and did not go back. This time I was desparate being in a lot of pain and had no choice. They made a follow up appointment, and even had to call back to see let them know everything is fine. I did not go back. I could not go back.

...ok and now just thinking about it is bringing me into tears.

The woman is very nice and even makes me feel more comfortable...and does ease me a little...she seems to be quite skilled at that. She used a distraction method of just causally talking to me....and I noticed it worked really well. ...When she does that it works really well.

...but after words it just seems to roll back and I get really really bothered... I think doctors like that should learn from her tactics she uses.

...but I just don't want to go back...because I had problems afterwards as like ...she disappeared from my thoughts and it was just the action of the appointment that bothered me.

The thing is...I do not have sex...no one is allowed to touch me... I haven't since I was 23 and I am 39 now. While I did I felt like I was being R**** as it was just like that because I did not want to ....

Sothe thing is...I had a few problems with going number one...we will just leave it at that...
I was given another appointment...and I am not going back. I said that last time....but I was desperate as I could not go because I was burned by bleech.

The thing is...I was hurt so bad...I also keep throwing out my soaps after being used. I don't think my spouse notices it yet, since we buy large quantity of packages.
I may have to stop using bars of soap because of it...and use body wash.

...but yea...it bothered me quite some time after words about a weak...and I have not called or went back or made another appointment.
I was in a lot of pain since they had to drain me... and I .... I am just getting angry talking about this...

So I am ending with that...

I don't know what to do....

If anyone has suggestions that would be helpful. I am a rape victim.

I am just saying though...the woman was great....its still disturbs me though...but I think many GYN should use her methods...

The first appointment...she talked to me casually. She calmed my anxieties. She treated me like a friend (not to personal though) There was no superficialness in her tones... which was great. She distracted somehow...thing where it just seemed natural. When she was examining me like having me raise my arms and things to check other things....She talked to me as though we were having a regular conversation. I even mentioned to her and laughed and said I didn't even realize you were doing that... and I am just sitting here...
So she was a pro at all of that...
I think its very important for them to do these things...it does make it easier.

So I think casual conversation during it...is very helpful. Maybe you should let them know that also...

..but just saying...the troubled thoughts did come after....but it was a bit helpful what they did and how they did it.

[ResaLock]

oh my gosh! I am SOOO sorry I wrote SOOO much....

I will try to work on that... I have a big problem with that... I know not everyone wants to read lengthy comments...

SORRY ABOUT THAT!!!

[Open Eyes]

((Jane)),

Going to the gyno is notoriously difficult and embarrassing for anyone let alone with PTSD.

I give you credit for going, I have not gone in years, which I know isn't good, but I have bad memories in when it comes to gynecological stuff.

The point is "you got through it", sorry that it triggered you, give yourself time to work through it, yeah, I know, it's exhausting to discover another challenge. Well, just make up your mind that you will work through whatever comes forward to trigger you.

Are you on any medications? Antidepressant? Sometimes that helps but takes time.

((Gentle Caring Hugs))
OE

You are not alone with feeling alone in this issue.

I have PTSD partly because I've been traumatized by doctors and physical therapists. Last time I had to go to the hospital a social worker and a psychiatric nurse went with me, as well as an extra double dose of oxazepam (Serax) (so I had a triple dosage in total). Only reason I went was because I was bleeding severely and it wouldn't stop.

What helps me is to explain to the doctor that you're scared and ask him/her to do or not do certain things. Use of certain words can add to the trigger, as well as certain questions, subjects the doctor talks about to distract, and whether or not he talks at all.

I always take a stuffed animal with me that's small enough to fit in my pocket. A friend got it for me, and it's great for squeezing and comfort.

I hope you find something that helps, and that it gets better!
You're not alone.