Tomorrow is a two-year anniversary. Today was the anniversary of the lead-up. I spent the whole day nauseous. Saw T, didn't tell her it was an anniversary or was going to be an anniversary, instead had a really triggering session.

I want it all to go away. I want a deep dark safe hole all of my own and I want to leave my head outside so I don't have to remember.

[Aiuto]

I am sorry you are having to deal with an anniversary of a traumatic event. I know how it is to be triggered by a your T. I would suggest some grounding and meditation to help you find some peace within this hard time. Try not be to hard on yourself during this troubled time. I do not have much input because I am also in hard time but, I wanted to give you support and let you know you are not alone. Try to love yourself and take care of yourself.

[Maria116]

I spend the anniversary at home. Beer, music, whatever. I hope you feel better. (hug) "a deep dark safe hole all of my own" as you said - my bed, my laptop and my bottle.

[Bolivar83]

Dear Breadfish: know this was posted a while ago, hope you are faring well...

Nothing original to add here - just wanted to reach out and send some support. I tried to ignore/downplay my feelings about these days, but have learned it's okay just to take time off and comfort myself.

I hide out in bed - have a great soft blanket, turn off the lights, and turn on the fan (whitenoise), and snuggle with my cat. I set my cell phone to some innocuous message ("sorry, in class right now!") and sometimes partake of the chocolate. For some reason, watching reruns of the Golden Girls is helpful - they are my visual equivalent of meatloaf - no suspense, predictable (seen them so many times), comforting.


Take care - Bolivar