[A.n.g.e.l]

I have ptsd. My husband tried to kill me, was abusive for a long time but he is in a mental hospital and was just transferred to another hospital kinda far away. I am struggling. I've been in the hospital a couple times lately mainly because of the anxiety. I have heart problems and the anxiety is making it worse. I've had severe panic attacks that cause my heart rate to go up and the last time I don't remember anything the first couple days of being in the hospital. I am taking Zoloft and klonopin but I feel like I'm stuck in a cycle and I don't know what to do. I don't know if it's normal but when I take the klonopin it does make me feel calmer but it's like it makes me think about the abuse, all the bad memories, non stop and I cry constantly and I absolutely cannot control the tears when this happens. On the other hand if I do not take the medicine I am very anxious and jumpy BUT I am able to work and function better. The bad think is I am a workaholic and I work too much to block out the memories. I feel so frustrated because I don't know what I should do. When I take my medicine I can't even be around other people because I cry so much. I've tried other anxiety meds like Xanax but it does the same thing. I have been to therapy but I am still unable to trust a therapist enough to talk, it makes me even more frustrated and angry with myself. Lately, I have felt ALOT of anger toward myself because I am not able to keep myself under control. I feel like no one understands. A couple friends keep telling me that I don't need to be scared, etc...they love me and are trying to help but I can't make them understand how this is. It's not just like I'm thinking about the past. This is intrusive uncontrollable feelings and sensations that occur whether I want it to or not. I close my eyes and see it. Everything reminds me and I have to experience it over and over constantly. It is exhausting. I cannot make it stop. I sleep in 5 -10 minute intervals, every time I close my eyes I feel that pain over and over. I'm so tired. I don't know if there is a way out of this!!

[Open Eyes]

Hi Angel, I met someone who takes "prescription" medical marijuana and he said there are different kinds and he said it helps him a lot and he has PTSD really bad. Are you in a state where medical marijuana is legal?

I have never tired it myself, there are different strains for different needs, that is what this person told me.

It is possible that the Klonopin may make you feel worse because it is a depressant, yes it helps the anxiety but it is a sedative and a depressant and in the same family as Xanex.
You should ask your pdoc about it and even see what he says about medical marijuana.