[sycamore78]

I am 36 and a single parent of a 16 year old girl. Her father has never been in the picture and due to my mental illness I have always felt that I've been holding her up while drowning. She has recently started lying, running away, and been disrespectful. I'm being triggered left and right and I'm having a hard time coping. I feel like I cant take care of her anymore and someone should take her away. I pressed charges on her for unruly runaway and took her to the crisis center and enrolled her into counseling. Im taking steps for her but on the inside I just want to die. I would rather kill myself and face non-existence than face one more trigger. I can't trust anyone anymore and I don't belong in this world.

I'm sorry.

I can't advise you. I can't make it better. I wish I could.

I can tell you this: don't let the labels scare you. I have nine diagnoses. (MDD, PTSD, GAD, social anxiety, specific phobia, Asperger's, conversion, OCD, and I am bordering on psychotic)
Often they go hand in hand. For example your OCD is probably heavily influenced by your PTSD and your bipolar 'cycles'. Treating one will likely help the others.

Are you seeing a therapist?

[Open Eyes]

(((sycamore78))),

I am sorry you are struggling so much right now, but while you are being challenged, you should not be allowing yourself to feed into these triggers to a point where you feel life is not worth living.

I am sorry you are a single mother and unfortunately your daughter is challenging you in a way that many teens that age do. Unfortunately, as a parent we have to be the one our teenagers "test" so they can see how far they can go and what they can get away with. Our reactions are important because our teens have to learn important boundaries they have to respect otherwise they will get in trouble, not with you, but in society overall. Lying is one of these "tests" at this age too unfortunately, and your daughter needs to be held accountable for her "lies", so she realizes there are consequences when someone lies.

It is "hard" to keep your cool, yes I know, but this is a lot like going back to when a child misbehaves and making them sit in a naughty spot, then after a time the parent firmly but reasonably sits with the child and discusses "why" the child is being punished and the child has to admit and appologize. Kicking a child out or too severe a punishment is not good, the child still needs to know you love them and that they still have a home.

This is a "crucial" time in a childs life, they may not like it, but, yet they do in a strange way because they learn that you "do" care and it is times like these that can open up some constructive discussions.

In these teen years it is "normal" for teens to be somewhat narcissistic, that is where they are in their development, it doesn't mean she doesn't "care" about you, it is just the stage she is in, testing, testing, testing and taking everything in "for herself". Yet they do need to hear, "I love you and I care about you, but you need to be respectful".

I went through this period too and so I know it comes on as a surprise and feels like a betrayl, it isn't a betrayl, it is part of the development process during these teen years.
You can't let this "normal" stage in her development trigger you with "your own lack of trust" which does come with PTSD. This isn't a personal attack on you or means she doesn't love you either, please keep that in mind even though it can feel that way.

It is ok that you put her in counseling, how about you though, you need some counseling too, and IMHO, what would help and a counselor that you "both" can see separately and together so you get the help you need through this very challenging period that yes would make you feel like you are drowning while holding her up.

Hope that helps you think about this differently so you don't turn it inward where you "self blame" and feed into the anxiety etc.

(((Caring Gentle Supportive Hugs))
OE