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#1
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FFS. I am moving to a furnished house. I live very simply. I want to be free of the past. And here I am obsessing over a space heater and a broken guitar, but multiplied by nine thousand and fifty two.
It should have been easy to cherry pick the good stuff and leave the rest for dear ex. But...it seems like an emergency. I don't know why. It's not an emergency. It's a duplex built in 72 in that great southwestern style. Cabin in the woods meets Spanish colonial. And a lot of stuff I .ever meant to keep forever. But it seems like an emergency. Like the rivers rising. Like idi amin said I have to gtfo now. In my thirties when no believed you can ptsd from that I asked if I could have ADHD and was told I could. But I didn't have ADHD as a child. I had difficulty conce.testing in college after a classmate began to die in front of me. It was shocking. She had a brain aneurysm. So it was very shocking to witness her sudden deterioration. I wasn't a nurse or medic. I was an eighteen year old. I.can't focus. I can't keep to a simple goal of cherry pick my belongingsx pack the heirlooms and the art and my clothes and leave the rest. It's not hard. I just lose my mind. Thos is just stress damaged brain, isn't it? |
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#2
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I sort of see what you are saying....after I got PTSD my ability to focus and concentrate was essentially destroyed. I tried to compensate and hide it when I went to college, but can't keep up on the reading and stuff for a while i got by but that combined with the having anxiety in class especially when there was noise in the hallways outside the room....since school(even college)environments trigger memories of the lockdown thing I could not continue.
I used to read a lot, I'd be reading multiple books at once switching between them and still able to keep track of the different stories/facts(as I did read a lot of factual sort of books). But after that f****ing s***t that happened it was gone. I try not to think about it too much because it kills me inside that now its even hard to read a long post or article on the internet let alone a book and I loved reading. And damn I have tears in my eyes over it at the moment. I mean its just upsetting to me that PTSD took away something I really enjoyed not to mention it was one of the few things I had to help me cope, was to escape into the world of whatever i was reading. I guess as far as I know about ADHD it makes it hard to focus and concentrate on things, and PTSD can also cause those sort of difficulties...though I am sure people with ADHD can get PTSD, but some of the symptoms are also simular so can be complicated to sort out if one simply has PTSD or ADHD or both.
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Winter is coming. |
#3
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What you are dealing with right now is "change" and the anticipation of what that "change" means too.
Any kind of change can really trigger PTSD symptoms. And with PTSD there is definitely a strong urge to "flight" which means wanting to get away from a current environment or even a job or anything in the "now". This is how the amygdala hyjacks the brain and presents the primitive "fight/flight/freeze" that people who do not experience it first hand fail to understand and present their "just" comments that the person who is struggling tries to do and yet can't seem to do. The reason why it can be hard to concentrate is because the brain is simply distracted a great deal when PTSD takes place. I have read that a person can slowly get their brain out of how the amydala has hyjacked the brain, however for that to take place, the proper "help" and support is needed and the person has to work on "learning and doing" and slowly creating a new sense of structure that feels "safe". However, unless that is supported properly by not only professionals but others as well, the person really struggles to regain control and switch out of how their brain is now hyjacked by the amygdala. In order to achieve that, often a person will need to learn not only about how a trauma has affected them, but often their own developmental challenges that led up to that reaction to a trauma, as well as whatever challenges they had after the trauma too. There is a lot of study going into trying to understand this very complex challenge too. |
#4
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I can relate here. I agree that PTSD and ADHD are similar. I was finally diagnosed with ADHD. It was definitely present in my childhood and it must be to be diagnosed with it, as you know. PTSD is most probably a dx of mine as well as I have childhood trauma. These two entities can be confusing. My T and I are looking into a dx of PTSD.
I agree that change can trigger things in our past and it alone is just so stressful. I have always had problems making decisions about what I want or don't want. I have realized that my choices are not led by good logic so my choices must be clouded with past turmoil. It is so confusing to know why we have trouble making even the smallest decisions. I have trouble deciphering what causes me to be in a bad mood, impatient, easily angered and plain discontent. It could be any of my diagnoses. Lately, I have been impatient and angry. IS it my ADHD? Is it my fear-based mind from past abuse? (PTSD?) Is it depression? All mental illnesses and disorders overlap in some way. I wish I had answers for you but I too wonder the same things. I wish you the best in all of your many decisions and changes. SB DX: MDD ADHD GAD and PTSD? who knows what else.... |
#5
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My PTSD leans more towards the depression side rather than the ADHD side. Whenever I have my ptsd episodes I don't have extra energy or trouble concentrating that I hear ADHD sufferers experience. PTSD is often fear/memory based, ADHD is more impulsivity and hyperactivity.
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"Re-examine all you have been told, dismiss what insults your soul." - Walt Whitman "Never be a spectator of unfairness or stupidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." - Christopher Hitchens "I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience." - Mark Twain |
#6
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I suspect I will find out that replacing gaba will normalise dopamine.
I had the fun experience of being the only patient in the state hospital not taking meds. I got out with a dx of ptsd, adhdx menopause coming down fast and im a little odd and dramatic but not to the level of a personality disorder. I do have a personality, however. And now I must pack. |
#7
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It's good that you got diagnosed correctly so you are not stressing so much.
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