[Fuzzybear]

TRIGGER TRIGGER DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE EASILY TRIGGERED

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Shamed by the professionals who were and are supposed to help us. And misdiagnosed. Toxic shame. And we should just get over it and pretend it didn't happen? how exactly are we supposed to do that, when none of them are prepared to help us? 6 sessions to undo severe depression, PTSD, years of abuse, current abuse, and a bunch of other labels, both accurate and wildly wrong and abusive. Growl. Just growl.

PS and yes I am a nice bear. Amazing but true

(each time I'm kicked I become more empathetic to others who are being abused.... But I'm sick of being kicked and I do not deserve any of it. I'm not going to lay down and die and let those assholes win )

Probably should delete this one too. Only positive feelings are ever allowed for me.. Oh wait those aren't allowed either

(not about anyone on pc)

[gma45]

You are an AWESOME BEAR! (((((((((((((((((((((Fuzzybear)))))))))))))))))))))))!

[MotownJohnny]

Fuzzy, you are one of the sweetest people on here. I can relate to your comment about not being allowed to have emotions/feelings. The period when I was told I was bipolar was rough on me, and I found the so-called pros would say things like "you are entitled to your feelings" - and in the next breath tell me what I was feeling was wrong in one way or another.

The entire process is exhausting, frightening, and humiliating. I know you are disheartened now - but please feel free to let it out here if it helps. So many of us have been there.

[SeekerOfLife]

Hug Fuzzy!

(((((Fuzzy)))))

Your feelings are valid. You are a terrific bear!

Have you tried a different therapist?

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by MotownJohnny

Fuzzy, you are one of the sweetest people on here. I can relate to your comment about not being allowed to have emotions/feelings. The period when I was told I was bipolar was rough on me, and I found the so-called pros would say things like "you are entitled to your feelings" - and in the next breath tell me what I was feeling was wrong in one way or another.

The entire process is exhausting, frightening, and humiliating. I know you are disheartened now - but please feel free to let it out here if it helps. So many of us have been there.

They do do that! Say they validate your experience and then contradict it!. I had read and reread Patricia Evans book on verbal abuse again and again until I'd practically memorized it. I'm glad I did! Mental health professionals aren't healthy people. That's the problem.

I took some communications classes at good colleges. Some of the concepts really stuck. It's helped me see how these mental helpers bungle. Who knew communications classes were so useful?

[H3rmit]

Oh,yeah, I wasn't allowed to have emotions, either. My mother would say, "But I don't feel that way," as if it was then impossible for ME to feel that way. And she was a counsellor! Screw that noise. Have the feelings.

[Fuzzybear]

Sadly, it seems you're right, that this often is the case . A T I saw for years was frankly Narcissistic and he was brutal towards me when I didn't brown nose him . WTF

I didn't see it for what it was until he had seriously harmed me, because he was quite charming for quite some time and ...

Originally Posted by Teacake

They do do that! Say they validate your experience and then contradict it!. I had read and reread Patricia Evans book on verbal abuse again and again until I'd practically memorized it. I'm glad I did! Mental health professionals aren't healthy people. That's the problem.

I took some communications classes at good colleges. Some of the concepts really stuck. It's helped me see how these mental helpers bungle. Who knew communications classes were so useful?

[Open Eyes]

I had a horrible day yesterday, the worse low I have had in a long time. My husband came home in the middle of it and all I could do is cry, my mind could not even put anything to words, it got so bad I had the heaves. He kept asking me what was wrong and kept trying to get me to talk and to depths of me I felt like every effort I "could" make would be thwarted by his need to "stop me and put himself and his feelings all over it".

I just kept crying and at my worst my brain felt that every possible "exit" would be blocked and only made my brain litterally ache. When I did finally make the effort to explain what had triggered me so badly, I paid attention to how he responded and his responses were all about his need to stop me and all about "how he felt". He would say things like "I don't care about that, I dont think that is important, I think, I think" and finally I stopped him and said "THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU".

I can listen and comfort and "hear" another person for a long time, and if I need the conversation to end, all I have to do is "talk about me, or my feelings and challenges and needs". And if I "do" get to talk, then all I will hear is all the things I do wrong. It doesn't matter how hard I tried, how much I did for others either, all I hear is whatever I did not do enough of and if I did not do enough then I should have gotten "therapy" for it.
I did reach out for help time and again and either I was told what I did wrong or that I should consider becoming a therapist myself.

I have been fortunate in that I did find a therapist who actually "knows" how to listen. He told me that his PTSD patients always present with so much "intense desperation". But, because he does "listen" as time passes these patients show a lot of improvement.

What I feel so sad about is how so many present with a need and often how the core of that need is "feeling they are always wrong" somehow.

I ended up in so much pain that I took a Klonopin and crawled into bed and quite honestly I did not want to get up either, I did not want to "do" anything. Then later on I took another one because I really just wanted to "shut the world and all the opinions out about what OE has done wrong".

Doesn't ANYONE know how to possibly point out what OE or others do that is RIGHT? It is a sense of the absence of an entity that can just sit down, gently rub your back and talk about one's good points and how hard that person struggling is actually "trying" despite often what is really "a dysfunctional" environment, even something that person has had to find a way to deal with for many years.

When I really sit and think about it, there are so many "dysfunctional" ways society and general tends to concentrate of "what is wrong" in so many ways, no wonder so many people struggle.

[SkyWhite]

Originally Posted by Teacake

They do do that! Say they validate your experience and then contradict it!. I had read and reread Patricia Evans book on verbal abuse again and again until I'd practically memorized it. I'm glad I did! Mental health professionals aren't healthy people. That's the problem.

I took some communications classes at good colleges. Some of the concepts really stuck. It's helped me see how these mental helpers bungle. Who knew communications classes were so useful?

I can totally understand being invalidated time and time again, but I would not make such sweeping generalizations that "mental health pros aren't healthy people." They're just people, like you and me. I've had to deal with some real a--holes, that's for sure. Some of them should find new careers but I don't want to generalize. Also, if they're are not properly trained in trauma they're guaranteed to screw up.

[Fuzzybear]

How can invalidation possibly help anyone? How can they sleep at night??

[Open Eyes]

Yes SkyWhite, you are right, not "all" mental health professionals are bad. You are also correct that if a therapist/psychiatrist is not properly trained in "trauma" they will probably not understand the patient and misdiagnose too. It's a huge difference working with one that is "qualified" and understands how to work with "trauma/PTSD patients". For myself, I am very lucky that my therapist understands the challenges of PTSD, but also understands alcoholism and ADHD challenges too so he can validate the challenges I have had with my husband who has compulsive ADHD and was never helped/treated.

I can't say enough how much it helps to have a therapist who can really listen and can "hear" my challenges and validate me. It is really important to have someone who really can see the "reality" one is challenged with and work "with" a patient rather then have a need to interupt and correct or critique.

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

He would say things like "I don't care about that, I dont think that is important, I think, I think" and finally I stopped him and said "THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU".

Well done. Tthat is a useful phrasing, and very powerful, especially when stated calmly, I find!

Sometimes, I believe the professionals invalidate what they don't understand or know how to deal with.
OE, that's a "man thing". They have a need to immediately fix what they think is wrong. It comes from a place of empathy, though a bit misguided.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by SkyWhite

I can totally understand being invalidated time and time again, but I would not make such sweeping generalizations that "mental health pros aren't healthy people." They're just people, like you and me. I've had to deal with some real a--holes, that's for sure. Some of them should find new careers but I don't want to generalize. Also, if they're are not properly trained in trauma they're guaranteed to screw up.

Well, not all ducks swim...but I'm comfortable with the sweeping generalisation that they do. I am equally comfortable with a social worker Ryan telling his classes in psych hospital "most therapiest are crap". Three decades of my own experience confirms it. And let's face it'd who raises the most screwed up kids? It's a longstanding (a century) truism that psychoanalysts are narcissists. The whole transference countertransference deal is t spending all day thinking about how what you think about her helps her know how to fix you. Don't think less intellectualism makes the new fangled ones any bette

[SkyWhite]

Originally Posted by Teacake

Well, not all ducks swim...but I'm comfortable with the sweeping generalisation that they do. I am equally comfortable with a social worker Ryan telling his classes in psych hospital "most therapiest are crap". Three decades of my own experience confirms it. And let's face it'd who raises the most screwed up kids? It's a longstanding (a century) truism that psychoanalysts are narcissists. The whole transference countertransference deal is t spending all day thinking about how what you think about her helps her know how to fix you. Don't think less intellectualism makes the new fangled ones any bette

You're entitled to you're opinion Teacake. All I know is that if it were not for my T, I'd be dead right now.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by Calista+12

Sometimes, I believe the professionals invalidate what they don't understand or know how to deal with.
OE, that's a "man thing". They have a need to immediately fix what they think is wrong. It comes from a place of empathy, though a bit misguided.

That is male privilege. To open ones mouth and assert that one knows the answer when one is guessing. That's not empathy. Empathy is feeling with you or into you. Male privilege is arrogance.

A male doctor who acted without checking drug interactions was respecting my assessme t of my situation and acting with a will to help me, and he was kind and good , but he could have killed me by guessing and trying to fix immediately. It is irresponsible.

He was a black guy. A white male doctor would have done me in. White privilege is almost as bad as male privilege. This is no joke and its getting worse as the economy collapses. Give me third world doctors any day. Men or women. Religious Muslim women make the best docs. It used to be Jewish Europeans. They are retiring. It's whoever the current refugees are.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by SkyWhite

You're entitled to you're opinion Teacake. All I know is that if it were not for my T, I'd be dead right now.

I can honestly say the same about Irish whiskey.

Originally Posted by Teacake

That is male privilege. To open ones mouth and assert that one knows the answer when one is guessing. That's not empathy. Empathy is feeling with you or into you. Male privilege is arrogance.

A male doctor who acted without checking drug interactions was respecting my assessme t of my situation and acting with a will to help me, and he was kind and good , but he could have killed me by guessing and trying to fix immediately. It is irresponsible.

He was a black guy. A white male doctor would have done me in. White privilege is almost as bad as male privilege. This is no joke and its getting worse as the economy collapses. Give me third world doctors any day. Men or women. Religious Muslim women make the best docs. It used to be Jewish Europeans. They are retiring. It's whoever the current refugees are.

I should have made it more clear. I was talking about two totally separate things. Some professionals, both male & female, when faced with unknown MAY invalidate what they aren't familiar with.
Then I posted to OE, saying some men have a need to fix a problem, rather than just listen to us vent.

In rereading this thread, I've realised some of the comments are turning into a pissing contest and have little to do with the OP' s original statements.
It isn't about who is "right" in this thread; it's about the OP' s FEELINGS.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by SkyWhite

Now you're just getting ignorant. Try to be a bit more sensitive. This isn't your private blog where you can spew off any old crap you feel like. There are people with feelings on this forum.

Take your bitterness somewhere else.

You think I have too much to say? I have thirty years DSM defined PTSD.

Im not jesting when I say Irish whiskey saved my life. People with PTSD as defined bybthe DSM are also people with feelings. I am a person with feelings. I have very strong feelings about people with DSM type PTSD who drink and drug to avoid suicide or psychosis. I have strong feelings of compassion and empathy and support and I dare say love.

Western medicine could offer me nothing to give me natural sleep without heart pounding nightmares I feared more than possible death by alcohol induced respiratory failure. Irish whiskey kept me alive to discover in a health food store a little booklet by pain and trauma researcher Billie J Sahley that taught me how and why to restore GABA so I could begin to recover.

Psychotherapy is proven ineffective for PTSD of the DSM type. DBT and CBT don't help the men and women who had to engage in violence as adults with no previous mental illness or personality disorder. They may well help people who were unable to learn these skills in childhood.

There are effective alternative therapies for PTSD. I've not heard of them through psychotherapists.

I will use as much bandwidth as I can fill on this topic.

I'm afraid my perspective, with regard to mental health "professionals", is they're more trouble than they're worth. I'm always amazed when I read something about how some therapist "saved someone's life", so to speak. None of the therapists I've ever seen knew beans from a bag of a... well... you know...

I'd have to say, personally, I'm allowed to have any emotion I choose, as long as it's bright & cheery...

I'm sorry you've had that experience, Skeezyks.

[Open Eyes]

I would have chimmed in with being negative about psychologists/therapists, but my own therapist has been amazing and has helped me tremedously. He understands "PTSD, yes, the DSM PTSD, he knows I "without doubt" suffer from it and he has helped me through some bad flashbacks. My therapist is in no way a narcissist either. Could some therapists be narcisists? Probably, sorry for anyone who has experienced that kind of therapist.

A "good" therapist is not all about what "they think" either, a good therapist is there to help the patient sort through whatever the patient struggles with and that takes time and "listening". A therapist doesn't "fix" people, they help people learn how to fix themselves over time. My therapist is working on helping me manage the PTSD better, he gets frustrated because since I have started therapy with him, I have been retraumatized too many times.

If a therapist makes you feel uncomfortable, unheard, or that you should not "feel" certain ways about things and that you are being "judged", then time to move on and look for a new therapist.

[Teacake]

I am qualified to be a psychotherapist in Colorado and I hereby diagnose all people with DSM PTSD. EVERYONE has PTSD.

Ok by me! Just remember to add my other dx's to that.